“No,” I say, breathless in my haste. “I’ve been tested. Pill.”
“Thank God, since I don’t have anything.” He guides himself to my entrance and, with tortuous care, slowly pushes in, no more than an inch. “Jesus, Lucie,” he gasps, “you’re so fucking tight.”
He stops. Swallows. Begins again.
My knees drop open, wanting more even when I know he’s going slowly on my behalf, even when the pleasure is accompanied by an edge of discomfort. “More,” I plead.
“Oh, God,” he says, his jaw clenched. “Don’t beg. It’ll be over before it’s started.”
But he gives in at last with a single hard thrust, groaning quietly as he finally bottoms out.
I’m so full, stretched to the point of pain, and I can already tell that I’m going to come again and that when it happens, it’ll be beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I wasn’t broken, some stunned voice in my head whispers. I was never broken. It was just never like this.
“Am I hurting you?” he asks. He’s sweating, though the room is cool. He looks like he’s the one in pain. “I...it was as slow as I could go.”
“No,” I whisper, my head falling back, my whole body straining to spread, to take more. “It was a good gasp.”
“Oh, God.” His hand runs over me, beginning at my neck, running past my breast. “Look at you like this. It’s so perfect.”
He drags out slowly and pushes back in. His palm grasps my breast, and he leans over to take my nipple between his teeth. “It’s so good with you,” he murmurs. “I fucking knew it would be.”
My muscles begin to clench and clamp down on him against my will. His fingers press into my skin, his tendons strain. A drop of sweat lands on my breast and he licks it off.
“More,” I whisper, and he groans.
“It’s been too long, Lucie. I’m gonna come if I go any faster.” He pulls almost all the way out, then thrusts back in, hard and fast, only twice.
“Do it anyway.” My voice is pleading—not my own. My heels dig into his ass, forcing him to move.
He curses as he gives in, rutting into me. I clench around him, overtaken again by that blinding liquid heat and I cling to him through one wave after another as if I’m drowning.
When my eyes finally open, he’s looking at me through heavy lids, as if drugged. “Lucie,” he says, and his lids fall shut again. He’s still hard, still inside me. He pulses softly in and out. “I don’t ever want to stop doing this.”
I hold out my arms. “Come here,” I command, and he does, letting his weight rest atop mine briefly before he falls to my side and pulls me to his chest.
I breathe in, wishing there was some way to preserve this moment—his smell, his arm wrapped around me.
I love you. I have always loved you.
I silence the thought before it can escape. Nothing could ruin this faster than saying that to a guy you aren’t even dating—a guy who has no clue that you’ve adored him since you were small. A guy who’s moving away.
“Conferences are a lot more fun than I expected,” I tell him instead.
“I’ve got to say this isn’t what I pictured.” He laughs. “Okay, that’s not true. I pictured this outcome repeatedly. I just didn’t think it would actually occur.”
“The fact that you got a hotel room leads me to wonder if you were at least a little optimistic it would occur.”
He turns me, pulling my back to his chest. “I’m leaving for Tokyo in the morning. There was no reason to drive back to Elliott Springs.”
I grow still. He’s gone as often as he’s home, and it’s one of the reasons he will never want the things I do: because he’s decided his career and a family are incompatible.
“I’m sorry,” he says, moving my hair away from my neck so he can press his mouth to my skin. “I wish—”
He lets the thought trail off, but he didn’t need to complete it. He wishes it was different. He wishes we wanted the same things.
“It’s okay,” I reply. “You don’t need to apologize. It answered some questions.”
“Questions?” His lips graze the shoulder I raise.
“I wanted to know what it would be like to sleep with someone other than Jeremy. He used to imply that there was something wrong with me. Because I didn’t finish.” I laugh. “It’s pretty clear that the problem wasn’t me.”
“Ah,” he says, his voice playful and unhappy at the same time. “So now you can go out in the world, free to pursue your orgasm-heavy fairy tale.”
The words twist around my heart and give it a tight squeeze. “Precisely.”
The room falls silent, and this is all so new to me that I’m not sure what happens next. I’ve never had a one-night stand or a one-afternoon stand. I’ve never gone to someone’s hotel room. Am I supposed to leave, now? He probably needs to get back to the—
“Lucie?” he asks, his voice quiet against my ear, his cock—hardening again—pressed to my ass.
Ah, thank God. He doesn’t want me to leave.
I push backward, a silent ‘yes, by all means,’ and he slips a hand between my legs, fingering me until I’m begging him to get inside me. He does, at last, and my eyes fall closed as I give in to the pleasure.
It’s slower this time, leisurely, but the consistent pace is already pushing me reliably toward yet another orgasm.
His hand slides over my ribs to grasp a breast, then down to circle my clit. I reach behind me, wrapping a hand around his neck, wanting him to stay near. He continues to thrust and circle, and just as I’m about to tell him to slow down, I realize it’s too late.
“I’m close,” I gasp. “Fuck. I’m too close.”
His groan is against my ear, his breathing labored. His finger circles faster; his teeth sink into my shoulder. I come apart and so does he, pressing me tight to him as his chest rises and falls too fast.
I had no idea that sex could be...this. That I could come so easily and want to do it all over again the instant I’m done, that it could make me feel closer to someone than I already did.
I’m sure it’s not as much of a revelation for him, but it’s hard to imagine this isn’t special. Surely sex this good isn’t the norm for everyone all the time?
His breathing grows even, and I start to drift off. God, what I’d give to just stay here and fall asleep beside him.
“I should go,” I say groggily. “I need to be out of town before rush hour.”
I start to sit up and he pulls me back to him, kissing me hard, with his hand on my jaw. If I didn’t have my kids, I’d stay here forever. I’d spend the rest of my life in this commitment-free no-mans-land, hoping I could change his mind.
He releases me and our eyes lock. I want to say something, but the words are all caught in my throat and I’m worried that if I start to say them, I’ll burst into tears. Because this was the best afternoon of my life, but it’s hard to say that aloud knowing it’s over and will never happen again.
26
CALEB
My scotch is down to ice. The airline attendant gives me a refill without raising a brow at the fact that it’s my second one. I wouldn’t be so generous in her shoes, given we’re only in the first hour of an eleven-hour flight.
HARRISON
Mark said you and Lucie went to your hotel room yesterday in the middle of the conference.
She was upset. She needed a break. That’s all.
It’s fascinating how different companies operate. I don’t think I’ve ever suggested an employee take a break in MY hotel room.
If you and Lucie are going to continue taking a “break,” make sure you don’t text about it. I bet her husband’s watching her phone somehow, and we still don’t even know that Kate’s gotten the papers, which could bite you in the ass.
I groan. Fuck. Fuck me and my fucked-up decision-making. Fuck me and my insane lack of self-control.
I knew it was a mistake with Lucie, but it was like throwing the first punch in a fight—I did it because I no longer cared about the consequences. Because even if it caused more problems than it solved, in that moment, nothing mattered more than kissing her, than ending the torment of wanting her day in and day out for fucking months.