“She said no?” The words tasted like acid in her mouth.
The laugh he released then was harsh and clipped. “Not only did she turn me down, she did it in quite spectacular fashion. I became the laughingstock, and the rest of that year was even worse than before.”
Claire gripped the steering wheel so tight her knuckles turned white. Anger rushed through her like a Colorado river after massive snowmelt. Sure, it had been a long time ago. But she also knew how defining those middle school years could be, a critical time for self-esteem and influencing the way kids saw themselves and other people. Wounds inflicted in those awkward, should-be-gentle years of young adulthood seemed to heal much more slowly than any others she’d obtained.
Hell, she still remembered the name of her first boyfriend in sixth grade (Drew Nesbitt) and how he broke up with her (he drew a picture of a dump truck and asked a friend to pass her the note) just one week in. It had sucked, and that was with a ton of friends to lean on. She hadn’t been a loner or had an entire class laughing at her expense.
It must have been terrible.
“I really, really wish I’d known the whole story before we ran into her last night,” she bit out.
Graham turned his torso in her direction. “Why?”
“I would have come up with something so much worse than just rubbing your ridiculous sexiness in her face.”
He grinned, and a little bit of her anger melted away. “I think your extreme sexiness is what bothered her the most. Isn’t that how women’s minds work? They care more about showing up the other woman than the man himself?”
“Sometimes, yeah. Dammit, I should have brought something sluttier. I packed for meeting your parents, not showing up the bitch that screwed you over.”
“What you did was incredible, Claire. I’ve never had anyone stand up for me like that. Especially not a woman.” He reached over and slipped his palm around the back of her neck, giving a light squeeze. “Thank you.”
His tone held a hint of wonder, like he still couldn’t believe she’d done it.
Unacceptable. “You know you deserve that, right?” she asked, though it came out more like a statement than a question. “Someone who cares about you so much they’d fight for you and can’t stand the idea of someone hurting you?”
His thumb rubbed up and down across her skin and she simultaneously wished he’d stop and never take his hand from her.
She’d definitely let herself get too close.
“I didn’t.” He swallowed. “I’d never felt that before. From another person, I mean. I never felt valued like that. Until recently.”
She wanted to look at him longer than the few seconds she could without running off the road.
“I think I’ve changed a little. Since the accident. I’ve had a lot of time to think and reflect, and I’ve spent a lot of time with you. Something about you makes me feel worthy in a way I didn’t know I ever could.”
An alarm sounded in the rational side of her brain, warning her this was dangerous territory. A line she was apparently determined to leap over multiple times this weekend against her better judgment, and she was about to do it again.
But Graham didn’t say things like that. Didn’t use to, anyway. The admission was significant, and with his tendency to deflect from serious topics the last thing she could do was let it go. Even if things between them couldn’t last, it wasn’t because he wasn’t a wonderful man.
It wouldn’t be long before they got home and she retreated out of self-preservation, but for now, wasn’t it more important to confirm his words than to protect herself?
22
Graham watched as she tried to decide whether to say what was on her mind. She always pressed the right corner of her lips together when she did that, as if trying to hold in the words until she came to a decision.
They usually came out regardless. With Claire, few things were ever held back.
He’d meant what he said—he felt different around her. Something he couldn’t put his finger on...more confident, almost, but not in the usual way. He didn’t need people to confirm he was attractive, funny, or entertaining. Hadn’t needed that kind of confirmation in a while.
But belief in himself as a human? Like, a whole-ass man valued for who he was as a person—no matter what mood, no matter who else was around, no matter what he was going through?
That’s what had changed.
Even so, the longer he waited for her to speak, rubbing his thumb up and down the soft skin below her hairline, old doubts creeped in. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that, after all.
Her voice finally came, soothing him from the outside in.
“You’re so worthy, Graham.” She said the words slow, with intention. “I hope you never lose sight of that again because you’re an incredible man. You’re kind and sweet and funny. You’re strong and thoughtful, and so inherently good. I actually don’t think I’ve ever met a better man.”
His fingers stilled as his throat tightened. “I wish I could explain how it feels when you say things like that to me.”
He hoped she knew, and that somehow he made her feel the same. Last night in the darkness of his old room, the look in her eyes when he’d whispered into her ear gave him hope.
“That’s the thing about feelings. They don’t always need to be expressed. Some are just meant to be felt.”
He’d avoided both for so long, it was nice to know it was okay to just sit with them sometimes. Feel, observe, soak it in. Maybe share it, maybe not.
He slid his hand from her neck and grabbed one of her hands, entwining his fingers with hers. “I definitely do.”
She smiled, but it wasn’t quite as bright as he’d like—could he put in a request for full reciprocation of the ridiculous infatuation thrumming through his veins? Maybe even a love declaration punctuated with a poem outlining highlights of his sexual prowess?
Fine, that was too much to ask, probably. It had been a long weekend, plus she had to stay alert and focused on the drive since he was zero help in that arena.
But speaking of sexual prowess...
“Also, I’m all for whatever slutty outfit you had in mind for the next time we see Angela. You can put it on tonight if it would make you feel better.” He eyed her gravely. “For your sake, of course. I’m thinking of your mental health here, Claire.”
She snorted. “I’m sure you are.”
“Wouldn’t it be fun to get dressed up sometime?”
“Got a problem with scrubs and yoga pants?”
Hell no. The woman was so pretty in blue it hurt. “Why does it always have to be about you? Maybe I’m trying to show off my ass in a pair of tailored slacks.”
“Now we’re talking.” She cocked a brow. “Tux?”
He laughed. “You think I own a tux?”
“I don’t know but I have a thing for bow ties.”
“The mystery of your date with Merlin is finally explained.”
She laughed and he felt it down to his toes. “What does that mean?”
“He’s a bow tie guy for sure.”
“See, you’re trying to take a cheap shot at poor Marvin but all you’re doing is making me want to see him in a bow tie.”
“Fine, I’ll wear the fucking bow tie.”
“Good.” She winked. “You’re so easy.”
He made sure her eyes were on him before he rolled his eyes. Also, he just liked the way she looked at him.
After a beat of silence, she asked, “So...how about you wear just a bow tie?”
“Thirsty?”
She did a little shrug as if to say of course and it made him smile.
“I can offer you a bow tie plus a cast. Final offer.”
Claire didn’t hesitate. “I’ll take it.”
A low, distressed cry startled Graham awake.
His eyes snapped open, blinking in the darkness as he oriented himself.
He was at the condo, in his bed, with Claire beside him.
Her body was tense and her head moved from side to side across the pillow.
“No no no...” she repeated, sounding closer to tears with each word.