“It absolutely could happen. I’m human.”
Yeah, okay. “Fine, it could happen. But it probably won’t, because you’re damn good at what you do. You’re smart, you’re talented, and you listen to people. You care too much to skip over things and when you take care of someone, you make sure every angle is covered.” He put a hand to his chest. “I should know.”
The muscles in her forehead seemed to relax marginally.
“The fact that you’re worried about it means you’re going to be the best there is. You’re compassionate and those patients mean something to you. I know you won’t let them down. Plus, you’re not alone in it. You’ll still have doctors and all those nurses you work with, too, right? You’re a team. It’s not just on you, so slide some of that burden off your shoulders. I’m not running into a building on fire without my crew with me and a plan in place about how we’re gonna tackle it together. But even then, I know we’ll figure it out because we’ve trained for that moment. You have years of nursing experience under your belt, plus NP school on top of that. You’ve got all the tools you need to be the best one that hospital has ever seen. You’re ready, Claire.”
Cheeks flushed, she blinked at him for a moment, then dipped her chin. “Well.”
He cocked his head. “Well, what?”
“That was...really nice. Quite a pep talk.”
“It’s easy when I believe every word. You think I’d have let just anyone else fix this gorgeous face?”
She rolled her eyes, still smiling. “I barely had to do anything.”
“I see you didn’t refute the gorgeous part.”
“Obviously.”
He grinned, wanting to kiss her, but settled for sliding his calf along hers under the table.
She arched a brow but didn’t move her leg. “Anyway, what about you? What do you want to be remembered for?”
“Whether I want it to be or not, I figured mine would be for being adventurous. Or reckless. Could go either way.”
She huffed out a single laugh. “Yeah. You’ll be remembered for being an adrenaline junkie, no question.”
He thought he detected a hint of something off in her tone, but she gave him a warm smile and he decided to leave it be.
Tonight was ending up damn near perfect, and he didn’t plan on doing anything to mess it up.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Four letter words part 2
Claire,
I’m writing this from my phone while you sleep beside me. We’re at my parents’ house and I just had the best night of my life. I tried to show you when we got back how much you mean to me, and I hope you felt it. I hope you know. I’m sorry I couldn’t speak the words out loud, but I have to say them somewhere. So here goes:
You. Are. Extraordinary.
You’re an insanely beautiful, sassy, sometimes crass woman who takes no shit and isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants. You’ve experienced tragedy in the worst way and yet you emerged strong and resilient. You refused to let your past steal your ability to laugh.
Your laugh is the most incredible sound, did you know that?
You have the most unbelievable eyes. I’ve never seen a color like that. And when they flash with...what word did you say you feel when you’re with me? Hostility? That look wrecks me. I want to laugh, cry, and take you in my arms all at the same time. I lose all fucking control, Claire.
You’ve dedicated your life to healing people. You love trying new things, seeing new places, and you dance like no one’s watching. You’re a romantic but don’t want anyone to know.
I know. I see you.
And I’ve fallen in love with you.
You make me feel things I usually only feel when I’m looking death in the face. I told you a while back that I spend so much time outdoors because I want to experience everything life has to offer, but this weekend I’m realizing I’m missing one key experience—true human connection and the joy that comes with letting yourself be completely vulnerable with someone.
People talk about reasons they fall in love and get married—things like physical attraction (check), enjoying each other’s company (check), respect for one another (check), and having similar interests (check...sort of). But another one is opening up to share their lives with each other—wholly and completely—and I wasn’t sure that piece was ever possible for me. It’s the main reason I’ve kept that word out of my vocabulary for so long.
But I’m close, Claire. You’ve seen me at some low points these last few weeks, and I’ve shared things with you I’ve never told anyone. And while I realize much of it has been here, rather than spoken in person, it’s a step closer than I’ve ever taken. Taking you to my hometown, introducing you to my parents, and showing you where I grew up is the most significant of it all.
I can’t help but wonder if that will be the final piece that puts my heart back together. If so, know that it will be all yours, whether I can tell you or not.
I hope you want it as much as I want you to have it.
Graham
21
Claire spent the next morning vegging out in front of the television with Gertrude and Graham’s dad while Graham hung out with his mom.
His dad made a damn good cup of coffee, and it was a lovely morning. Exactly how she loved spending Sundays.
Graham came out of his mom’s room at one point and seemed to stop for a few seconds to take in the scene: she and Gertrude lounging on the love seat while his dad stretched out on the recliner beside her. The corners of his mouth tipped up and the expression on his face just looked so...full.
That look made her heart ache, and she wasn’t sure if it was from pleasure or pain. Coming here had been a conscious decision and one she knew was a big deal. But she’d also told herself to tread carefully. Getting too attached to Graham would be a mistake of epic proportions.
Last night, against her better judgment, she’d thrown that viewpoint out the window. After the run-in with Angela the rest of the night had felt very date-ish, and instead of pulling back she’d leaned into it hard.
She’d loved how Graham was attentive in a way he wasn’t on the regular. Or maybe he always had been and she just hadn’t thought about it in a romantic sense.
After dinner they’d stopped at an ice cream shop and shared a cone while sitting on a bench, stealing sugar-laden kisses under the stars. They drove to his old high school and walked around while he told her more memories from his teenage years and paused to make out under the bleachers. After they got back to his parents’ house and slid into bed, they met in the middle, and the way he kissed her had felt different. He’d held her face and traced her cheeks and lips with his fingers in a way that felt reverent, like she meant more to him than he let on. As if she was precious and adored.
In the darkness, she’d let go of her fear and hesitation. She’d given in and let herself feel him, soaking up each kiss, each touch, as if he was the oxygen to her fire. It had felt as if they’d laid down their swords and lowered their barriers to let each other in completely.
It had been their most incredible night together yet, and in the light of the morning she realized how comfortable she was becoming with this whole situation. She could get used to the regular attention of a man as incredible as Graham, and therein lay the problem. That wasn’t the deal.
The deal: companionship and sex.
She wanted children someday, with a father who would be around and committed to staying that way.
She’d fallen off course in her search for that, just like she’d told Mia she feared might happen. She had to remember she and Graham were friends who had hooked up and nothing more. Being here with him in Santa Fe with his family and away from their day-to-day lives had made it easy to forget.
Just as she promised herself she’d send Matt the dentist a message when they got back, Graham’s dad interrupted her thoughts.