January in Chicago is bitter cold, but the restaurant where Maggie’s shower is being held is only a few blocks away from the apartment. It seems wasteful to drive, even though my feet are aching with every step I take.
I’ve been gathering the endless decorations, table settings, and gift favors over the last few weeks and dropped them off yesterday. I even placed a hefty order with the guy at my favorite floral stand to create the most beautiful centerpieces of peonies, roses, and carnations to give that “fresh from the garden” feel. I spent more than my budget allowed for this party, but I want Maggie to have the best time.
Stevie comes barreling through the doors, curly hair pinned under a beanie, ripping off her winter coat, and ready to get down to business. All because I completely fucking forgot to tell her she didn’t have to come. If I knew she was getting engaged yesterday, I never would’ve asked her to help me set up this party in the first place.
She doesn’t even know Maggie and yet she’s here for me only hours after her own celebration.
“What can I start with?” she asks.
“Vee, I’m the worst. Please go home. I completely forgot to tell you not to come. Go home and have post-engagement sex like a normal new fiancée.”
She waves me off. “We’ve been going at it all night. An hour break is needed. Put me to work.”
I want to stand up and hug her, but I’m in so much discomfort I don’t think I have enough energy to move.
Staying seated, I point around the room. “The balloons need to be tied off. I need to light all the tea lights and arrange the floral centerpieces. There’s a mimosa bar going over there, and I need—”
“Whoa, Ind.” A heavy crease forms between Stevie’s brows. “You don’t look so good.”
“Don’t say that. Look at how cute my dress is!”
She silently laughs. “Very cute, but you’re sick.”
“It’s just a cold.”
She eyes me suspiciously. “I think you should go home.”
“I can’t. Please just help me set up.” I stand from my seat, the blood draining from my face as a wave of dizziness washes over me.
“Indy.” Stevie grabs me, sitting me back down. “I don’t think it’s just a cold. You need to go home. I’ll do this.”
I bury my face in my hands. “I can’t go home.”
She pets my hair soothingly. “Why not?”
Because your brother came all over me then bolted and I’m too much of a coward to face him.
“I…I need to make this party perfect. It’s important.”
“Of course, it is, but you can only do so much when you’re sick.”
“Vee, Maggie asked me to be in her wedding while Alex and I were still together, and I’m worried she regrets it. At least with this, I have something to contribute.”
“Indy,” Stevie coos, sitting back on her haunches to look me in the eye. “Anyone who gets to call you their friend is beyond lucky and if you’re here trying to convince them of that, well then honey, they aren’t your real friends.”
“I just want to impress them.”
Because I’m the butt of the joke. Alex cheats on me, yet they’re all great friends with him still. But maybe if I can make today perfect and maybe when they see me at the wedding with Ryan on my arm, they’ll be impressed by how well I’m doing. Faking it or not.
My eyes burn with tears because yes, I’m an emotional person, but I’m starting to realize just how sick I am and how much my body is hurting. I’m also starting to realize she’s right. I’m holding on to my old life and my old friends with an iron grip, but why? Because it’s what I’ve always known? Because they were part of the picture I painted for myself?
“Do I want to know why I didn’t get a daily update today?” she asks, suspicion lacing her tone.
“Probably for the best if you don’t ask questions.”
She chuckles. “All right. Sit your pretty self in this seat and drink some water. You can bark commands and tell me what to do from here then I’m taking you home.”
“I can’t leave.”
She lets out an exasperated breath but doesn’t fight me on it any longer.
The balloon arch is more like a short, stubby tower, but it’ll do. The candles are lit, the banner is hung, and the flowers are arranged. Stevie went home, leaving me here, much to her reluctance.
Maggie, her family, and the bridal party shower me with compliments, taking in every detail of the space. The food is delicious, at least from what I’m told, and the mimosas are flowing. It’s taking every ounce of strength I have just to sit down and stay awake, let alone try to eat or work the room as the hostess.
Conversation flows in the seats around me, the rest of the bridesmaids speaking on the plans for the combined bachelor and bachelorette party taking place in Miami next weekend, but I won’t be able to attend due to a work conflict.
A year ago, I would’ve been ecstatic to vacation on the beach with my boyfriend and our closest friends. We always had a good time together, and I’m up for any opportunity to socialize, but inevitably there would come a time in the weekend where Alex would ask me to quiet down or not correct him while the guys are chatting about their finance bro talk, even though I typically know more than them about the subject.
Now, I can’t think of a better weekend than holing up in the apartment with Ryan. I could talk as much as I’d like, or we could sit in comfortable silence while reading next to each other. I wouldn’t have to be anyone I’m not because Ryan likes me for me far more than Alex ever did.
“It’s beautiful, Indy.” Maggie sinks into the seat next to me.
“I’m glad you love it.”
“You’ve always been good at this kind of stuff.” She smooths her white-chiffon dress. “I wanted to talk to you,” she hesitantly begins. “Kev and I have been spending a lot of time with Alex, and I miss you.”
“You don’t have to miss me. I’m right here.” I put my hand on her knee. “I always want to see you. Whenever you want to hang out, I’m in.”
“You know what I mean. I miss you together.”
“Well, we aren’t together.”
“What if that were to change? I’ve never seen Alex as torn up as he has been since he saw you with that guy.”
Her words have me rearing back. What in the world is she talking about? Last time I saw Alex he made sure to let me know how well he was doing. “It doesn’t really matter if he’s torn up, does it? He made the choices that led us to where we are today.”
“He made a mistake. One mistake.”
“You can’t be defending him.”
“I’m not defending him. What he did was not okay, but it’s Alex we’re talking about.”
Taking a deep breath, I attempt to calm myself as saliva pools in my mouth. Even my teeth are aching at this point. I need to go home but can’t even find the strength to stand. I’m running on empty, trying to make today perfect, and now I have to sit and hear this? I’ve been doing my very best to let my nonexistent future with Alex lay to rest.
“You cannot be serious right now. What if Kevin did this to you? You’d just forgive him?”