“Put it in. Put it in. Please,” she begs. “I need you. Please.”
She bucks her hips off the wall, needing to meet mine, and as soon as I imagine pushing into her, jets of cum hit the shower tile with force. My release is almost blinding as I come harder than I have in a very long time. Continuing to stroke myself, I let every last drop fall and swirl down the drain, allowing the water to wash away what I just did.
With an acute awareness, I realize how utterly and completely wrong I was, thinking that would get Indy out of my system. Now, my body is begging for the real thing, wanting to know what she sounds like when she comes.
If I were any other man, I’d go find someone else to sleep with and get a quick fuck out of my system, hoping it’d fix the issue. But seeing as I’m me, and I can’t allow myself to be vulnerable enough, even for a one-night stand, I’m left dreaming of the blonde living in my house.
If I’m being honest with myself, I know no one else would do it for me right now. No one else has done it for me in years, but that doesn’t change that this can’t happen. I won’t allow it. Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and the first thing I’ll think about is my game. My day will continue that way, until I wake the following morning and do it all over again. Rinse and repeat until my mindset is back where it should be—my career.
This fucked-up daydream—the one where I can’t seem to think about anything other than getting into bed with Indy—ends the second we leave this goddamn campsite.
Indy’s back is towards me when I leave the bathroom, wearing only my towel. The cabin is small and she’s everywhere. Her clothes. Her smell.
“Enjoy your shower?” she asks.
Best fucking shower of my life. The teasing tone of her voice tells me I could bet good money that she heard me and already knows the answer.
“Yeah, it was very—”
“Wet.”
Fuck me. Just hearing the word wet pop out of her mouth has me gearing up for another round with my hand.
“Yes, Blue. The shower was wet.”
She giggles at the innuendo, and I drop the towel, slipping into a pair of shorts while she’s still facing away from me.
“No pillows?” I round the bed to find my side empty.
“Not tonight. I guess you’ll do.” She eyes my chest, those brown eyes appearing more hooded than usual. “You’re not wearing a shirt.”
“Lucky you.”
She softly laughs and as I lift the cover to slip under her sheets, I ask, “Is this okay?”
Shyly, she nods her head.
Dipping between the sheets, I’m cautious to leave some room between us. I lay on my side to face her. “Thank you again. For helping me out tonight.”
“I had fun.” She tucks her hands under her cheek as we maintain a good foot of space between us.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re getting better at faking it. We might have a real shot of pulling this off at the wedding.”
The realization of why it might come more naturally to me now is terrifying.
“Good.” I offer her a slight lift of my lips before turning around to face the wall. “Night, Blue.”
“Good night.” She exhales a long breath, and I can feel the dip in the bed as she turns around too.
I need to sleep. I have a game tomorrow, and the sooner I can pass out, the sooner this outing is over. I know I should be looking forward to this evening ending so I can refocus on the purpose for this charade—to prove I can be a good leader, to actually lead this team to the playoffs—but I don’t want it to be over. I like that people believe she’s mine. I like how it feels to have her in my bed.
Flipping on my back, I get a glimpse of Indy’s blonde hair cascading down her pillow, her back to me. Maybe it’s more torture than anything, having her so close, but still maintaining the boundary of her being my roommate and sister’s best friend.
Indy flips onto her back as well, and as she does, her hand accidentally falls into my open palm between us, but she pulls it away instantaneously, a wave of awkwardness washing over us. Even though we’ve touched and held each other in public, this is different. No one is here to witness and therefore, it’s no longer an act. It’s simply two roommates who technically have no reason to share physical contact.
There’s a heavy silence in the room, and not the kind when two people are trying to fall asleep, but the type that’s buzzing with anticipation because you’re both aware of just how awake you are.
A beat passes between us before hesitantly, Indy slips her hand back in mine. It’s soft and small, and I close my fingers around hers before she can leave me again.
I can almost hear my nervous heart beating in the silence until her thumb skims mine in a gentle stroke, and fuck if I don’t want to yank her on top of me and kiss her right now. But I can’t. For a multitude of reasons, I can’t, so I keep our hands as the only point of contact.
I aim my eyes up towards the sky, basking in the stars, being outside. I missed this freedom.
“Hey, Ind?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“About last night. I didn’t say it, but I do care about you. You know that, right?”
She lightly squeezes my hand. “I know you do. But it’s nice to hear it. Words of affirmation and all that.”
“Right. Now, this is the part where you tell me how much you care about me.”
She yawns—forcibly. “Oh, man. It’s getting late. So tired.”
“You suck.”
The bed moves from her quiet laughter. She turns to face me, her hand still in mine and her other tucked under her cheek. “I care about you too, Ry.”
Even though I’m looking at the night sky, I can see her watching me in my periphery.
Her voice is barely a whisper when she asks, “Do you trust me?”
In theory, it’s a simple question with a simple answer. But trust is the most complicated belief in my world of black and white. If most people asked the question, it’d be an easy no, but with Indy, after only weeks of knowing her, the answer is undoubtedly, “Yes.”
Looking over at her, her expression is soft, hopeful.
“What?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing. I just know how big that is coming from you.”
I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb as I turn my body to face her, the only remaining space between us is where our hands are connected.
“Will you tell me a secret?” she asks quietly. “Something no one else knows.”
Without hesitation, Marissa and the month following my college graduation runs through my mind. It’s my biggest secret. Only my sister knows what I lost, but as much as I trust Indy, I’m not sure if I’m ready to share.
Instead, I offer her another secret, something just as true. “You make me feel relaxed. Like I can be myself.”
She holds eye contact, reading me before breaking into a laugh. “Don’t lie to me, Shay. You constantly complain about how messy I am. No way in hell do I relax you.”
“You’re chaotic as fuck, Blue, but you bring me more peace than anyone else.”