“He made a mistake.”
Sharp pricks of unwanted tears sting my eyes because I want to try on bridesmaid dresses, I want to go to trivia on Wednesday night, and I want my friends to have my back over Alex’s in this situation. Does that make me a terrible person? I don’t think so. That feels like the bare minimum.
I quickly grab my tray of coffees, tucking the save the date under my arm. “I’m so happy I saw you guys. Send me dress pictures later, okay? Have fun.” My tight-lipped smile carries me to the door where I’m able to hold the tears until I’m outside.
God, that hurts. Why am I being punished? Why do I feel like I’m losing my friends? They should hate him. He did this to us. Just because their boyfriends are still buddy-buddy with him? What about me?
Am I being irrational? Maybe Ryan is right. Maybe I am overly emotional, but that really hurt my feelings.
I have two blocks. Two blocks to be upset before I have to get my shit together. Two blocks until I’m at Ryan’s apartment where I need to be happy and fun Indy because I’m in his place and his life outside those four walls is stressful enough as it is. He needs his home to be a safe space. He needs a friend.
And right now, more than anything, so do I.
“Miss Ivers, welcome back.” Ryan’s doorman opens the lobby door for me.
Stopping in front of him, I set my suitcase aside. “Dave. Can I call you Dave?” His name tag says David.
“Sure, you can.”
“Do you like lattes? Because I got you a latte from my favorite coffee shop around the corner.” I take his off the tray and hand it to him.
“I love a good latte. Thank you so much.” He wraps his hands around the paper cup.
“I think you and I are going to be friends, Dave.” Grabbing the handle of my suitcase, I enter through the open door.
“I think you’re right about that, Miss Ivers. You had a package delivered. It’s upstairs for you.”
Ryan said he’d leave the key he made for me under the mat, but when I step off the elevator and turn the corner, I find him opening our apartment door.
“Hey!” I call out in an excited whisper from down the hall, not wanting to be too loud at this early hour.
Ryan turns to face me, looking ridiculously fuckable without trying. He’s dressed casually wearing a backwards cap as he pulls his own suitcase out into the hallway.
On the contrary, I look awful. Up all night, still in my uniform, with smudged makeup that needs to be removed. Typically, I don’t let strangers see under the perfect mask, but screw it. The guy is about to live with me. He’s going to see worse.
“Hey.” He swallows, shifting a backpack over his shoulder. “I was wondering where you were.”
He was?
“The team had a late game and clearing customs was a nightmare.” I gesture to the tray in my hand. “I got you a coffee.” Smiling brightly, I hand him his caffeine. “Where are you off to?”
“Practice. Then catching a flight to Milwaukee for a game.” He starts down the hallway.
“Oh.” Today’s disappointments are becoming exceedingly harder to hide. “Well, good luck with that!”
“I’m back in two days. Key is under the mat for you,” he calls out without turning around.
Tears are burning and for no good reason. I’m just exhausted, and admittedly, really lonely.
I’d call Stevie to see if she’d want to hang out, but Zanders essentially sprinted off the plane once we landed, so I know she’s preoccupied.
“Blue,” Ryan calls out from down the hall. I’m not sure why I acknowledge the nickname, but I find myself turning to face him as he pops his head out of the elevator. “Thanks for the coffee.”
I offer him a slight smile as I enter the empty apartment.
The ivory envelope feels like a heavy weight under my arm. The burden of knowing I’m going to see Alex soon sits heavy on my chest. Is he going to bring her? Are they seeing each other or was it a one-night thing? Have my so-called friends met her?
I have. Multiple times. She was an intern at Alex’s financial firm. I saw her at the office Christmas party last year and I complimented her sage-green chiffon dress. I don’t regret it. It really was a stunning dress. Were they sleeping together then?
Maggie looks beautiful in her save the date photo. Kevin and she are so happy, and I’m happy for them. I am. But there’s an envious part that wishes it were me. We were supposed to plan our big days together, but instead I wasn’t even invited to try on bridesmaid dresses. And it’s not the wedding I’m jealous of. It’s the future—what comes after that day. I want the rest of my life more than anything.
God, I’m terrible for feeling this way. I pride myself on being a good friend, but not today. It’s no wonder they left me out.
Using a magnet, I secure the save the date to the fridge as a blatant reminder that by February 2nd, I need to be ready to see him.
The bright part of my morning is the Amazon package waiting for me on the kitchen island. Sure, an air mattress isn’t quite as great as an actual bed, but I’m on a budget and it’s better than the floor.
I have a lot to do today, but the spark to stay awake and get my life together has burnt out, so I put my iced latte in the fridge for later. I need to sleep. I’ll deal with the reality of my messy room and being alone in this apartment later.
The sun is already spilling through the crack of my bedroom door, reminding me that my first task after a nap is to buy some drapes. My clothes and shoes are still on the floor, but they’re pushed to the side, creating a walkway I didn’t have before.
Immediately, my attention is drawn upward.
Right there, on the wall opposite me is the most beautiful bed I’ve ever seen. Cloud-like pillows and a white comforter create a vortex I want to fall into and never get out. Luxurious and expensive with a bit of texture on the duvet. It’s stunning and it’s new with no taint of my previous life or relationship.
It’s mine.
And it’s from Ryan.
For someone who doesn’t care about anyone or anything, this sure is thoughtful.
My eyes burn from fresh tears wanting to surface because I’m a crier and I can’t help it. Sue me. But this is one of the most kind and attentive things someone has done for me in a long time, and it means more than I know how to express. Especially after a rough morning.
Running a hand over the soft fabric, I pull out my phone. I’m not one of those people who is going to fake complain about this being too expensive and extravagant or act shocked when a multi-millionaire spends some money on me. But I am grateful, that’s for sure.
Indy
Did you buy me a bed?
A few moments pass before three gray dots dance along my screen.
Roomie
You needed one.
Practical answer.
Thank you so much, Ryan.
A pop of lavender peeks out from under the pile of pillows. New sheets in my favorite color, and I don’t know how to process how I feel about him remembering that.