I didn’t tell her I’d kept one for myself, tucked away in the bedside drawer for if I decided I wanted it again.
I hate them all. They deserve to die. If a bus came and knocked them down tomorrow, the world would be a better place.
Maybe I should give you a name after all, diary. Because you’re the only friend I’m ever going to have. It’s pointless to imagine any different.
I’m always going to be alone.
Fifteen
Annabel
May 19, 2023
Chloe comes into my room just as I’m finishing getting ready for the party. We’ve both gone over the top with our makeup and clothes. I’m wearing a tiny tight dress and my favourite pair of black open-toed heels, and she’s wearing short purple dungarees to go with her black vest. Both of us have false lashes and heavy eyeshadow, and looking in the mirror it feels like we’re eighteen again.
“War paint,” Chloe says, which makes me smile. “Poppy is messing with the wrong bitches. Even if I did have to borrow Esther’s makeup to get myself looking beautiful.”
“Isn’t that the truth.” I put the finishing touches to my hair, scraping it back into a high ponytail. I’m surprised Chloe didn’t just ask to borrow my makeup though. She’s been so off with me recently. In the mirror, I catch her looking at me strangely, biting her lip. She clenches and unclenches her hands and it’s clear she wants to say something. “What’s up?”
“Just thinking,” she says. “Isn’t it funny that Poppy is a respected doctor now. I never would have thought that about her ten years ago.”
“It is strange.” I think back to the Poppy we knew.
“I wonder what she thinks of us,” Chloe says. “I bet she thinks we haven’t changed at all.”
“I hope we have,” I say. “We weren’t the best to Poppy before. As she’s so keen on reminding us. But we’re better now.”
“She’s just mad none of us bothered to find out what happened to her after she moved away.”
It never even occurred to us to find out what Poppy was doing after sixth form. We finished our exams and had our own celebration, and that was that. That was normal, though, to not care what happened to people in your class after school finished. I don’t know what happened to anyone else either.
“Maybe it’s good after all we’re back in touch,” I say, thinking of my mum’s words.
Chloe seems lost in thought.
“Chloe?”
“Sorry.” She shakes her head. Worry floods her features. “Look, Annabel, there’s something I need to tell you.”
There’s something serious about her tone, so unlike her.
“What is it?” I ask.
She rubs her hand against her forehead, ironing out her frown. “I don’t know where to start.”
There’s a knock on the door and Esther pops her head through, holding bright pink sashes with red lettering that say “Bridesmaid.” “For you two, courtesy of our bridezilla! You look incredible.”
“So do you!” Chloe grabs the sashes and puts hers on. The moment’s gone. She seems grateful for the interruption and keen to get away. “Come on, Annabel!”
I oblige, putting mine on as I take in Esther’s outfit. She’s dressed for the occasion too, her pink sash clashing with her baby-pink jumpsuit and white sandals. Her hair is tied up into a bun, and tendrils frame her sharp face. She looks stunning. She knows it too, wriggling her eyebrows at Chloe’s compliment.
We follow her out and down to the beach, where Poppy and Tanya are already waiting, and the three of us can’t help but laugh at Poppy’s outfit. She’s gone full bride: white floaty dress and her hair bouncing in mousy curls to her waist. A long veil is pinned to her head and falls down the back of her hair, and to finish the look she has long white gloves up to her elbows.
The uncomfortableness of the day is somewhat forgotten as we all down a shot of tequila and suck on some lime. Then Esther pours everyone a glass of vodka coke, and we’re sitting in a circle, a spark of excited energy between us.
“Never Have I Ever was just the beginning last night,” Poppy announces, brandishing her glass high in the air.
“Oh, God!” Esther says.
“Let’s have a toast and put today behind us.”
We exchange glances between the four of us, uncertain.
“Really, ladies,” Poppy says. “I just wanted to give you all a fright. And it seems I succeeded. We still have lots of hen party left to enjoy, and I plan to spend the majority of that time now drunk or on the beach. Not to mention all the fabulous wedding details I am going to reveal to you tomorrow morning. Who’s with me?”
She sounds genuine enough, so we shrug and concede, lifting our glasses in the air.
“To a good night and a great hen party!”
“To a good night and a great hen party!” we chorus.
Poppy claps her hands together. “And now for the main event. Tonight we play Truth or Dare!”
I reach for the vodka coke again and take a long sip, my stomach clenching in anxiety. Another game.
“I know, to make it fair we’ll spin a bottle to decide whose turn it is,” Poppy says. She takes a bottle of cider from the side and downs it, impressively not stopping for air once as the liquid vanishes down her throat. She leans into the middle of the circle and tests the bottle on the bumpy sand and rug, and it spins fine. “Perfect. Are we all ready?”
“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Tanya mutters.
Poppy ignores her comment, and spins the bottle. She’s done it too strong, and we’re waiting almost twenty seconds for it to stop spinning. It slows further, and further, before finally stopping on Esther.
Relief hits me, and I let out a breath.
“I choose dare,” Esther declares. It’s a change for her, the sensible one. The mood of the evening must be having an effect on her. Or the alcohol.
“You were the only one who hadn’t skinny-dipped out of the four of you,” Poppy says. A gleam in her eyes tells us all what she’s thinking before she says it. “I dare you to strip naked and run into the ocean for ten seconds.”
“Oh, bloody hell.” Esther shakes her head. “I wish I’d chosen truth now.”
“Too late.” Poppy is gleeful, and the rest of us start chanting for her to take off her clothes.
“I’ll just go in fully clothed,” she says. “That’s practically worse. I’ll be in wet stuff for the rest of the night.”
“Nuh-uh.” Chloe grins, wide as the Cheshire Cat. “That’s cheating. Come on, everything off!”
She stands, but doesn’t seem happy about it. Her arms wrap themselves around her body, and for a moment I’m worried she actually looks scared.
“Hurry up!” Poppy says. “We can’t spend all night on you.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
She strips naked, even pulling a sexy pose at us, one hand behind her head and the other on her hip. She has a mark on her stomach, I notice. Some kind of bruise. She catches me staring and covers it with one hand.
“I slipped in the shower the other night,” she explains. “The day before coming here. I’m so clumsy.”
She doesn’t give me time to question this. We hear her scream as she dashes into the water.
“Fucking hell! That’s cold! So much for a tropical island!”
“It gets warm if you stay in there!” Chloe calls. She smiles at us. “At least that’s what I assume.”
Esther returns and wraps a spare towel around herself, plonking down on the cushion still naked. “Jesus.” Her teeth are chattering. “My turn to spin the bottle.”
She flicks it expertly, and it rotates a few times before coming to a clear stop in front of Tanya.
“What’ll it be, Tanya?” Chloe asks.
“Truth,” she says.
Esther puts her clothes back on, squeezing her ponytail and releasing sea water. “Hmm, I can’t think of anything to ask.”
Poppy clears her throat. “I have one.”
“Go on,” Esther concedes.
“Why did you and Harry break up?”
A shocked silence follows. Tanya gasps at Poppy’s question. The rest of us are just confused. Tanya hasn’t broken up with Harry. They only bought their London flat last year. She was talking to us a month or so ago about their new kitchen. They’ve been together ages.
“I think you’ve made a mistake,” Esther says. “Tanya and Harry haven’t broken up.”
Chloe glances between Tanya and Poppy. “How do you know Harry, anyway?”
“We broke up because of work.” Tanya finishes her drink and pours herself another one. “There, are you happy?”
“What?” Now I can’t help getting involved. “Why didn’t you tell us? When did this happen?”
“It happened months ago.” Tanya drinks more. “Leave it, Annabel.”
“Months ago?” I echo. “But how? I don’t understand.”
“I just didn’t want to tell you all. That’s it.”
She reaches forward and spins the bottle. It careers off to the left, losing control, and hits into Chloe’s knee.
Another pause follows, and Chloe rescues the mood, scooping up the bottle with a short laugh. “I guess that means it’s my turn. Give me a truth.”
Tanya doesn’t offer one, sticking to draining another glass and pouring a third. “God, I have a headache.”
Before we can say anything, Poppy jumps in. “What is your deepest fear?”