First of all, I’m sorry you were so sick. That sounds terrible. Are you completely better now or do you have those lingering symptoms? Did you have someone to take care of you? Were you in LA then? I haven’t had Covid, or if I did, I didn’t know it, which is extra lucky because right after TNO production shut down, a bunch of people got it, including Henrietta, Henrietta’s wife Lisa (who is now eight months pregnant), and Viv (who by coincidence is also now eight months pregnant). For some reason, Viv’s husband, who’s a doctor, didn’t get it. Viv, Lisa, and Henrietta all seem fine now, though I know they’re worried about the potential effects of Covid in utero. Viv is also understandably anxious about her delivery. I confess that I didn’t know until she told me that it’s true even across class lines that Black women and their babies are much likelier to die in childbirth because of racism/bad healthcare.
Regarding BLM protests, I also went to one—you might know they were intense here, and some were very close to my stepdad’s house—but it’s safe to say nobody cared enough about my presence to post pics of me online. On the one hand, I find it so weird and awkward that white people and white-led companies woke up one day and decided to admit that racism exists. On the other hand, I guess better (400 years) late than never? Viv told me that after George Floyd was killed, she was getting check-ins from random white acquaintances being like, How are you? No, really, how?? and she was like, well, I’m exhausted from growing a human in my uterus, but I don’t think that’s what you mean. (Sidenote: Of course I newly worry that I’m one of the random white ladies presuming greater closeness with Viv than she feels, but I’m sure as hell not going to ask her for reassurance now. I’ve been wondering about a sketch along the lines of “Your handwringing will not protect you.” Like about the phenomenon of white women believing that the mere act of expressing our discomfort or guilt gets us off the hook. Who knows what being at TNO this coming season will look like—there’s a rumor we’ll have daily tests—but last week I signed the contract to go back for my twelfth [!!] year.)
As for the end of your week at TNO, although I appreciate your apology, you were right about everything. (It’s possible I’ve never before written those words to anyone so please enjoy them.) I’ve also thought a lot about that week, and I’ve also felt bad about it. The reality is that you don’t owe me an apology, and I do owe you one. When you called me out, it was justified. What I said to you in that bar was rude. I’m truly sorry.
Is writing (and I imagine receiving) your longest email since the early 2000s a bad or good thing? In honor of the early 2000s, are you also fretting about the Y2K computer glitch and wearing one of those yellow Livestrong jerseys? I am, of course, wearing my yellow jersey right now. The breezy nylon keeps me cool in the humid Missouri summer.
from: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
to: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
date: Jul 23, 2020, 3:50 PM
subject: Actually
What an honor to receive the inaugural Sally Milz “I think you were right about everything” declaration!! Would it be weird if I had the words tattooed on my arm? (Have you gotten any more ink since we compared notes on that front? I haven’t, but remembering your hamster still cracks me up.)
It’s fucking great to be writing and receiving long emails! Don’t get me wrong, it’s very intimidating to write to a TNO writer, but it’s also so fun that even though I’m probably making all kinds of punctuation mistakes, I’m wondering if the thing I’ve been missing all these years is a pen pal. In all seriousness, this is the quietest my life has been in two decades and it’s really nice to connect with another person. I sometimes used to wish I could hit pause for six months or a year and now it’s like the universe called my bluff. No, I am not self-centered enough to think I caused a global pandemic, but still…be careful what you wish for.
To answer your question, I was in the middle of an 18 city tour in Feb, came back to L.A., and have been here since. I think it’s a familiar story at this point, but we did a show in San Antonio that felt pretty normal, the next night was Houston and there was a strange energy in the air, two nights later was New Orleans and by the time I went onstage I knew we were postponing the rest of the tour. Though even that night we did the meet and greet and all the usual stuff…so I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when I got sick a week later.
I am a bit sheepish, to use your word, about this, but I have a housekeeper/chef and a caretaker who live with me in their own section of the house, above the garage, and are married to each other. Then I have a P.A. who does not live with me. They all looked out for me when I was sick in a way I will be forever grateful for. None of them got sick…Margit (the housekeeper) left food outside my bedroom door and we didn’t interact much, but it was reassuring to have people checking that I was alive.
I hope this isn’t too weird of a question, but what’s a “day in the life” for you now? Are you living with anyone besides your stepdad and his dog? Congrats on signing on for another TNO season! I remember you telling me in 2018 that you thought you’d leave in a year or two, but it sounds like you changed your mind. Did you consider staying in Kansas City?
So…I’m scared to broach this subject but since it seems like we are being honest…the thing I know I should apologize for is hanging out with Annabel L. that week after the show. I’m not sure if I owe you or Danny Horst an apology, but it wasn’t cool on my part. There was nothing going on between Annabel and me, but I know it may have looked like there was and…well…I wish I could go back and change that impression. (I’m sweating bullets here because one, this topic! And two, I first wrote “Annabel and I” but the 47 grammar websites I just checked suggested the other way. But I’m still not sure.)
I bet you look awesome in your yellow jersey. I’ve heard those never go out of style.
from: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
to: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
date: Jul 23, 2020, 7:40 PM
subject: Actually
It’s weirdly gratifying that I’ve infected you with my grammar anxiety. Sorry? Congratulations?
It actually (actually actually actually) could be a funny sketch to have various people explaining why they think they personally caused the pandemic. You’re not the first person I’ve heard express this sentiment. The mom in the family who lives next door to my stepdad told me her 11-year-old daughter was worried she had caused it by telling the mom she traveled too much for work, and Henrietta’s father-in-law told her he felt like he caused it because he was dreading a retirement party being held for him at the end of March. I mean, clearly, the combination of the 11-year-old, Henrietta’s father-in-law, and you DID cause it, and you owe the entire world an apology. It had nothing to do with a bat at a market in Wuhan.