Yes, this is still me.
(Okay, my inner English major is experiencing a lot of turmoil right now. I want you to know that I know that, grammatically, Sentence 1 should be “This is still I,” but I also don’t want you to think I’m uptight. Have I successfully split the difference? Relatedly: As a kid, I thought turmoil was a kind of oil, like an alternative to canola.)
Hope you’re hanging in there during this, um, deadly global shitshow.
from: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
to: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
date: Jul 21, 2020, 1:36 PM
subject: Actually
Until I was in fifth grade, I thought noodles were made out of cheese. In my defense, noodles made out of cheese might be kinda good.
As for grammar, I’ll accept both me and I. It’s capitalizing Sentence that’s confusing. Then again anyone who isn’t an ignoramus would defer to the expertise of the person who graduated from a fancy college even if the college wasn’t Harvard. Wait…is ignoramus an offensive term?
Are you in N.Y.? Not that you asked, but I’m in L.A.
from: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
to: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
date: Jul 21, 2020, 7:04 PM
subject: Actually
I just googled ignoramus and I still don’t know. But you remember plenty of people believe TNO’s mission is to offend, right? After the first episode of this year, before we all realized we’d have a whole new set of problems to worry about, a high-up person at the DNC tweeted about how a sketch I’d just written was the apotheosis of twentysomethings’ political apathy. As someone turning 39 in October, I took the twentysomething part as a compliment. But twentysomethings are the least apathetic people I know! They’re the ones who use metal straws. They were going to BLM protests before everyone was going to BLM protests. (Have you gone to any BLM protests this summer?) Anyway, you shouldn’t look to me as an arbiter of what’s appropriate.
And I’m actually in (steel yourself for glamour ahead) Kansas City, Missouri. In my childhood bedroom. Living with my 81-year-old stepdad and his beagle Sugar. The glamour never stops! I’m sheepish about being one of those people who fled New York, but after everything shut down, I started to feel like I was losing my mind (like kind of for real, not as a hyperbolic expression). How’s LA?
Noodles made out of cheese would be fantastic. You could fry them and dip them in marinara sauce and—oh shit, I think I just invented mozzarella sticks! Btw do random strangers ever write to you after guessing your surprisingly obvious email address?
from: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
to: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
date: Jul 22, 2020, 10:36 PM
subject: Actually
I turn 39 even sooner than you, on 9/5. I’m not sure how someone celebrates a birthday during a “deadly global shitshow” but maybe by using a metal straw and eating noodles made of cheese in the same meal? So many possibilities!
OK, speaking of the pandemic…in all seriousness, this brings me to why I first emailed you. Did you wonder? If you did, it was nice of you to act like it wasn’t weird and out of the blue.
So…I had Covid in February. First, I will insert a disclaimer about how I shouldn’t complain because of how privileged I am…then I will say it was fucking awful. For almost 3 weeks, I couldn’t catch my breath, had the worst cough of my life, was exhausted, sore all over, constant headache. In addition to feeling like hell, I was terrified that I might never be able to sing again, or at least not like before. I’m lucky that this didn’t prove to be the case, but for someone like me, anything that messes with voice and breath is very scary. As I type this all out, it occurs to me maybe you’ve also had it and are saying to yourself, what a baby! I hope you haven’t had it.
But being sick gave me time to think about…to be honest…a lot of things. One was my week at TNO in 2018, specifically working with you, and how things took a kinda bad turn between us at the end. I regret that, and I want to officially say I’m sorry. I think you’re cool and smart and I could have imagined us hanging out after that week and then…well, obviously that didn’t happen. But maybe it should have, you know?
To answer your questions:
- I did attend a BLM protest. I went back and forth beforehand because I didn’t want to do it in a performative way, but I decided it was more important to just go and let the chips fall in terms of potentially having my motives questioned…it wouldn’t be the first or last time. I told the people that handle my socials not to post about it, although I think some pics did end up online. Did you attend any?
- Yes, a few times a year I get emails from random strangers that say either I’m your biggest fan ever, can I have $500 for my surgery, or your music sucks. I once heard from a guy who wanted his money back for my latest album and he went into a lot of detail about why. He made some fair points, so I emailed back Fine, dude, tell me your username on Venmo and I’ll reimburse you the ten bucks. I never heard from him again.
I admit that my email address is unimaginative, but don’t I get partial credit for sticking my middle initial in there? Does anyone ever tell you that your email address kinda reads as “smiles”…which I assume is exactly what you’d have picked if left to your own devices. Speaking of email, I think this is the longest one I’ve written since the early 2000s!
from: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
to: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
date: Jul 23, 2020, 11:27 AM
subject: Actually