A tear slips down her cheek. “W-what about Uri?”
I know what she’s asking and the simple truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know if telling him I need him is the right thing—or if telling him to fuck off forever is better. I’m too emotional and in too much pain to decide what I really want or why I really want it. And that’s assuming the universe even gives a damn about whether or not I want what’s coming. It might just force it on me anyway.
I keep my eyes on her. “I’ll be fine,” I promise as they wheel me out of the room.
My head lolls back against the pillow and I keep my eyes on the moving ceiling. No, wait. The ceiling isn’t moving; I’m moving. I can hear beeping in the distance, voices raised in urgency, the tangy smell of Lysol and dirty mop water.
It’s the same smell that invaded my nostrils every time I stepped into the hospital with Ziva. I still remember her leaning over to me with a secretive, ghoulish smile and whispering in my ear, It’s the only way to cover up the smell of me rotting from the inside out.
No.
I refuse to think about death anymore. There’s going to be no more death, no more loss. I may be months early but my babies will survive. I’m going to keep them both alive with the sheer strength of my will.
I couldn’t save Ziva.
But I’m gonna save them.
The doors slam open behind me and I feel as though I’m being attacked by light. Why the hell is it so bright?
And cold?
By the time my eyes adjust, I realize I’m being wheeled onto something. I look around in panic, trying to find a familiar face.
“W-where’s Dr. Grigory?” I ask.
“He’s riding in the front.”
I turn to the nurse who just spoke. She’s the one I noticed earlier, the one with dark eyes and jet black hair and the nose ring. “R-riding in the front?” I ask in confusion. “I-I thought you were taking me to the operating room? My babies…”
“Oh, don’t worry,” she replies with a smile that’s decidedly un-nurse-like. “Your babies are okay. And you’re not going into labor. Not yet anyway.”
My heartbeat feels like it’s marching to the beat of a dirge. Slow, thudding, confused. I try to get up but the black-haired nurse pushes me down roughly and grabs my right hand. She binds it to the gurney with a leather strap while another nurse does the same thing with my left hand.
Though “nurse” might not be the right term for these people, I’m just now realizing.
“What’s going on?” I demand weakly. “Where are you taking me?”
The black-haired not-a-nurse gives me a leering wink that makes my stomach flip. “I wanna tell you we’re taking you someplace safe, but… that would be a lie.”
She punches her palm against the ceiling of whatever vehicle we’re in and just like that, we start rolling away from the hospital.
Away from Uri.
Away from safety.
Off to God knows where.
53
URI
I burst through the chapel doors, trying to channel all my rage and hurt into something purposeful.
Like killing my fucking brother.
He’s standing just a few feet from the cake that I was supposed to cut with my new bride, chatting it up with the officiant who was supposed to marry us. He’s laughing about something, his face creasing with smile lines.
Dimiv is standing off in the corner with Lev, who’s still tuning out the world with his noise-canceling headphones. There’s no one else in the chapel. But even if there was, I wouldn’t care. An audience isn’t going to stop me from what’s about to happen.
“Uri?” Nikolai says, breaking off his conversation with the officiant. “We were wondering where…”
He trails off when he sees the look on my face. I start striding forward. An executioner’s walk. The officiant is smart enough to back away as I approach.
Nikolai’s brow furrows. His laugh lines disappear and are replaced with furrows of fear across his forehead. “Uri…?”
I slam my fist into his face before he can get out another word. One hit and he’s on the floor, blood pouring from his nose. He touches the blood on his face with disbelief and looks up at me. “What the fuck?”
“You bastard,” I hiss as I continue my assault on him.
He backs away, refusing to fight back. Even when he manages to get back on his feet, he blocks me instead of returning fire. “For God’s sake, Uri,” he pants. “Stop!”
But I don’t stop. I’m not above finishing a one-sided fight. At least not while this black rage has its hold on me. I grab Niko by his lapels and start sinking my fist into his stomach again and again. In the corner of my eye, I see the officiant flee the chapel in pure terror, his priest’s garb flapping in the wind.
“Enough!”
It’s not Nikolai who spoke this time; it’s Polina. Only at the sound of her voice do I let go.
Nikolai spits out more blood and the fragment of a tooth as Polly jumps in between the two of us. “I can’t believe you just did that!” she shrieks, turning accusing eyes on me. “Why are you being such an asshole?”
I’ve never seen Polly look so angry. Or, worse, so disappointed. It sobers me up enough that I’m willing to unfurl my fists.
But not enough to make me forget how my own brother betrayed me.
Nikolai glares at me, fresh red blood coating the bottom half of his face. “What the hell is your problem?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You think you can fuck my fiancée, get her pregnant, and then lie to me about it?”
Nikolai’s jaw drops. I can’t even take in Polly or Dimiv’s reactions because my eyes are trained on him.
“Don’t lie to me, Nikolai. I know. I know the truth now.”
“Jesus,” he gasps. “You’re serious.”
“I just found out.”
“From who?” he demands incredulously. The flinging of his hands sends blood droplets spraying all across the room. The white roses shudder as crimson blood rains down on them. “Because whoever told you that shit is a liar.”
There’s so much outrage, so much shock, so much indignation in his eyes and in his voice that it plants just the tiniest seed of doubt in my head. Looking at him now, it seems impossible. This is Nikolai. We may have done battle a few times in the past, but we are brothers. It’s part of the deal.
And yet… I think about all those fights I won because I was the pahkan. I think about all the times Nikolai was forced to bite his tongue because I was the head of the family. Because my head bore the crown. I think about how, when shit hit the fan and someone needed to take the reins, he was pushed to the side while I took over.
“Is this payback?” I scowl.
Nikolai’s eyes go wide. “Payback for what?”
“Let’s just get all this shit out in the open, shall we? It’s been almost eight years and we’ve never had a real conversation about it. You are the elder brother, but I ended up the pahkan and you have always resented me for it.”