And my first thought in those first few seconds of blissful oblivion is, Ziva’s here.
Even when we had the option of having separate rooms, we chose to stay together. Privacy wasn’t really a thing for either one of us. We were twins; we were ride-or-die. We chose to stay together because together, we were stronger, we were safer, we were braver.
And then the choice was taken away from us.
I blink my eyes open and glance down at the hand draped over my elbow. Slowly, that peaceful state of oblivion starts to crackle.
Then it fades away entirely.
Oh, that’s right… Ziva’s not here. Ziva’s not anywhere anymore.
It’s just me.
It used to be that I’d wake up forgetting that she was gone and that moment of realization was like losing her all over again. I would sit in my bed and cry into my pillow, trying frantically to recall her scent, to remember what it felt like to wake up to her cold feet seeking comfort underneath my legs.
But now?
It’s the first time that I’ve remembered that she’s gone without feeling like my world is ending all over again.
Today, I feel the acceptance hit first. Then gratitude.
Ziva’s no longer here. But I don’t feel so alone anymore. I don’t feel as though it’s me against the world anymore. And that’s because of the weight of the hand draped over my arm.
I turn slowly and stare at the man lying next to me in the bed he had brought in specially for my little forced hospital sojourn. This is the first time I’ve caught Uri sleeping. He usually falls asleep after me and wakes up long before I do.
I marvel at how peaceful he looks. Each and every perfect feature on his face—even the scars, the frown lines. The man is a work of art. Beautiful in every way, and all the more so for the visible proof of what he’s suffered through to keep his family safe.
I don’t dare touch him for fear of waking him up. But I am itching to run my fingers down the straight line of his nose, the sharp slant of his jaw. His eyelashes are so long. Why haven’t I noticed that before?
He’s also got a tiny brown birthmark just underneath his left eye that I’d always assumed was a freckle. He’s just never stayed still long enough for me to notice all those little nuances that make his face one of one.
He insisted on staying at the hospital with me overnight. Even after I ordered him away to go be with Lev and Polly, he refused. “Polly and Lev will be fine. They’ve got Nikolai and Dimiv looking out for them. You need me more.”
It was probably the first time it really hit me: I’m not alone. Not anymore. Not ever again.
He breathes deeply and his eyes start to flutter open. I lean in, finally giving in to my desire to touch him. My fingers drift down his cheek and those hazy blue eyes focus on me.
“I was beginning to wonder if you ever slept.”
He smiles and I marvel at how soft he seems right now. It can only come from the vulnerability of watching someone sleep and knowing that they trust you enough to lose themselves in unconsciousness.
He kisses me gently on the lips. “Even I need rest occasionally.”
“I like watching you sleep.”
As I laugh, his lips fall against my neck and I moan, my body responding immediately to his touch. Despite my growing belly and the slight twinge running down my spine, I feel myself moisten eagerly.
“Uri…”
“Hm?”
I can feel his erection against my leg and my desire for him outweighs any and all sense of caution. I try to shimmy down, but I’m not moving so sneakily or gracefully these days.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he tuts.
“Just wanted to say good morning to the soldier saluting me downstairs.”
Desire washes across his face but he grips my elbow and refuses to let me sink down on the bed. “He appreciates that. But it’s not about him right now.”
Before I can stop him, Uri is sliding his hand up under the hem of the thin cotton slip I’m wearing. “Uri,” I gasp. “Wait… wait…”
“Why?”
“I want to do something for you.”
He chuckles. “The fact that you think I don’t enjoy this is insane.”
“Well, fine. But I want to return the favor.”
He slides two fingers inside me, forcing my legs apart. “And you will—once those babies are delivered safely and you’re out of the woods.”
It’s very hard to state my case when he keeps stroking my clit like that. It’s hard to say anything at all that isn’t just “more.”
“I um… ahh… stop!” I hiss, trying to sidle away from me. “You’re distracting me.”
“That’s the whole point, narushitel.”
“Shouldn’t we be taking it easy?” I ask, chewing on my bottom lip.
He glares at me from between those extra-long lashes that I’d only noticed today. “‘Taking it easy’ is exactly why I’m getting you off with my fingers instead of my cock.”
He thrusts those fingers inside me on the word ‘cock’ and I let out a desperate moan. “Maybe we should make an exception today.”
He chuckles. “My needy little kiska, if it were up to me, I would gladly fuck you in every damn position known to man. But for now—” He starts rubbing my clit in tight little circles and pressure builds low and hot in my belly. “—we have to be careful.”
“Fuck being care—oh, God!”
Just when I’m on the brink of orgasm, he pulls his fingers out. I feel the loss of him instantly, but I squeeze the handrails of the hospital bed until I remember how to speak again. “Did you change your mind?” I taunt breathlessly. “Is it my turn?”
He gives me a saucy grin. “Hardly.” Then he grabs me from under my knees and pulls me towards him until my pussy collides with his face. “Now, pipe down. I like silence when I eat.”
Before I can think of a clever response, his tongue passes over the swollen lips of my pussy and my eyes flutter shut. “Ohh…”
I shove a knuckle into my mouth to keep from screaming. We’re not at the mansion anymore; we’re in a hospital. With adjoining wards. Other patients. Doctors walking around with clipboards.
It’s not exactly the optimal setting for mind-blowing orgasms.
And yet that’s exactly what I have. Mind-blowing orgasms. Three of them, one after the other, each one more intense than the last. As far as hospitalizations go, this one isn’t so bad. Certainly beats the last time I was in one of these death houses.
I’m a dripping mess by the time Uri moves back up and tucks me into the crook of his arm. I’ve just about managed to catch my breath and pull my clothing into place when we hear a knocking at the door.
Dr. Grigory walks in with two nurses in tow. I can guess where his head’s at: there’s safety in numbers.
“Good morning,” I chirp in a wobbly voice. I’m still feeling the aftereffects of multiple orgasms oozing through my veins like honey.
He gives me a forced smile and shoots a quick glance in Uri’s direction. “Let’s get you examined, shall we?”
Straight to business today, it seems. He conducts the exam in silence, both nurses hovering over him like sentinels. I keep waiting for him to tell us something good, clinging to the hope that something has changed overnight.