“Oh my god, Uri! What happened?” I yelp. “Are you alright?” He’s covered in sweat and ash and dried blood. Suddenly, it feels trivial to be sitting safely in a hospital bed and crying about my latest scan.
He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. “Forget about me. Are you alright?”
I shake my head. “There’s blood on your arm.”
“Don’t worry. It’s not mine.”
I shudder. “You’re not hurt?”
“It takes more than a couple dozen spineless cowards to hurt Uri Bugrov,” he growls. “Now, tell me, why are you crying?”
I gulp back the remainder of my tears and try to ignore the smell of metal and smoke wafting off of him. “Dr. Grigory just did another scan. He’s really concerned about one of the babies.”
“Another scan? You just had one.”
I cringe. “I was… experiencing some discomfort.”
His eyes bore into mine. “Discomfort?”
“I guess ‘pain’ is probably a better word,” I admit softly. “And he wanted to be sure everything was alright with the babies. But one is severely underdeveloped. H-he thinks we might…” I take a deep, shuddering breath. “He thinks we stand a chance of losing one of the babies.”
Uri’s eyes turn brittle and cold. He pulls himself up to full height and walks over to the door. “Get the doctor in here now,” he orders someone I can’t see in a terrifying boom before walking back to me.
I can see him start to unravel. Wherever he was before this hasn’t exactly helped him achieve a state of Zen calm. And I badly need him to be calm right now because the truth is, I’m close to unraveling myself.
“Uri, please…”
Before I can finish my thought, Dr. Grigory walks in with tightly pursed lips. Apparently, he already suspects the shitstorm that’s waiting for him inside this room.
“Mr.—”
“Don’t you say my name,” he hisses. “Why is Alyssa scared shitless that we’re going to lose one of our children?”
The doctor swallows uncomfortably. “She was experiencing pain earlier. I conducted a scan that suggests that one of the babies is close to fetal distress.”
“Fetal distress?”
“Not only is the baby not getting enough nutrients, but it may also not be getting enough oxygen. Which means that… well… we might need to consider your options now.”
He’s sweating profusely and I can’t bring myself to blame him. Uri, on the other hand, is looking like he wants to put Grigory’s head through a wall. And there’s enough blood on his arms to prove he certainly could follow through on that threat.
“‘Options’?” Uri growls. “What do you mean, our fucking options?”
“Option one: we perform an emergency C-section and take them both out now. But considering how underdeveloped one baby is, we might end up losing it.”
The muscle in Uri’s jaw is vibrating. “And the second?”
“We wait. We monitor the situation closely and hope that the weaker baby is able to push through on its own.”
“And what if that doesn’t happen?” Uri demands. “If the weaker baby goes into fetal distress, can you perform a C-section then?”
“I’m afraid that by then, it might be… too late.”
I flinch, trying not to completely lose my shit. But the thought of one of my babies dying inside me—it’s too much. It’s too damn much.
I’ve never seen Uri look so angry. Though even that word seems insufficient to describe the black fury twisting his features into a man that’s almost unrecognizable.
“So you’re telling me that my options are to take the babies out now and risk one dying or to keep them both in there and risk one dying anyway? How are those the options?”
Dr. Grigory actually takes a step back. “M-Mr. Bugrov,” he says formally, “I assure you, we’re doing everything we can to ensure both your babies are born safely, but—”
“‘But’ is not an option.” Uri looms toward the doctor like a beast stalking its prey.
“Our main priority is making sure the mother is healthy and—”
“You don’t think her safety is my priority, too?”
“T-that’s not what I… I apologize…”
“You are the doctor here. You are supposed to be the expert. I shouldn’t have to choose between their lives like I’m playing a game of blackjack. You are supposed to save them all. And in saving their lives, you’ll save your own. Because I promise you this: if Alyssa and those two babies don’t come out of this unscathed, I will make sure you pay for it.”
Dr. Grigory’s face isn’t pale anymore so much as a lifeless, ashen gray. He stares up at Uri helplessly. “I will try to do my best…”
“Don’t try,” Uri snarls. “Just do.”
The doctor stumbles out of the room, but even when we’re alone, Uri doesn’t come back to my bedside. He paces up and down, his face a mask of fury and desperation.
“Uri.”
He doesn’t seem to hear me. “There’s got to be another way. Maybe we can move you to another hospital. Maybe—”
“Uri.” He turns abruptly, as though he’s just heard me. “Come here,” I beg him. “Please.”
He moves to the side of my bed and I grab his hand. “Uri, you need to calm down,” I tell him as gently as I can.
His eyes go wide. “Calm down? Alyssa, you heard what that quack had to say—”
“I heard everything just as clearly as you did. But freaking out is not helping the situation, Uri. The stress is not doing me or these babies any favors.”
“We have to figure out a solution, Alyssa,” he snaps. “We can’t just let them make all the decisions for us.”
“They are the professionals, Uri. Dr. Grigory just may know what’s better for me and the babies—”
“If the outcome isn’t two healthy babies, then what the fuck does he know? What the fuck is he good for? I’m going to start looking into other hospitals.”
He reaches for his phone, but I put my hand over his. “Uri, please. You’re not listening to me. A new hospital isn’t going to change anything. What’s the point?”
He scowls at me. “How can you even ask that? The point is what’s best for our children—”
“And moving me in this state is what’s best? You’re not thinking clearly.”
“And you’re not thinking of the bigger picture. Don’t you care about saving both of them?” I rear back as though he’s slapped me. His eyes narrow and he sighs deeply. “Fuck, that came out wrong. I didn’t mean that.”
I blink at him, trying to fight my fear and find grace. He’s hurting just as much as I am. He’s probably just as scared, too.
“Uri,” I whisper, “I’m terrified that we might lose one of these babies. Which is why I need you to take a breath and calm down. I need you in this with me. We have to be in this together. I love how protective you are of all of us, but you can’t let it cloud your judgment. You can’t let it control you.” He’s silent for a long time, his eyes flickering from my face to my belly. I pull his hand to my chest. “Please. For me.”
He takes a deep breath and brings my hand to his lips. “You know I’m with you, no matter what, narushitel.”
I haven’t always been sure of that. Our journey has been riddled with complications—minefields at every turn.
But right here, right now?
I am sure.
47
ALYSSA
I wake up to the weight of a hand over my arm.