LIAM: BUT—I need you at my wedding, Alyssa. I can’t get married without my maid of honor.
I feel horrible, especially because I’m pretty sure the next words I type are gonna be a lie. But I type them anyway.
ALYSSA: Wouldn’t dream of it.
LIAM: Don’t fall off the face of the planet again, k? I get worried when I don’t hear from you.
ALYSSA: ill message again soon. Thanks Elle.
LIAM: And remember—you deserve a real, full, loving relationship. Anything less and you need to walk away. No matter how hot the guy. No matter how great the sex.
ALYSSA: ill keep that in mind. Love you.
LIAM: Love you too. Xoxoxo.
It’s good advice. Great advice, in fact.
I just hope I’m strong enough to take it.
44
URI
“I can drive you myself.”
Polly smiles. “So you keep saying. But it’s a two-hour drive there and a two-hour drive back. You’ve got more important things to do.”
I narrow my eyes. “There is nothing more important than you.”
“What about Lev?” It might almost be misconstrued as a snotty question if she didn’t sound so sincere. She seems to realize that a moment later, because she rushes to explain herself. “What I mean is, Lev needs you more than I do. I’m not resentful or anything. It’s just a matter of fact.”
She’s right—but I still hate that she’s had to sacrifice so much to accommodate him. “Polly, you’re just as important to me as Lev is.”
“That is so not what I meant.”
“I know that,” I say quickly, putting my hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry.”
She takes a little breath but I’m not sure it steadies her the way she was hoping. “I really don’t resent Lev, you know,” she mumbles.
I meet her eyes. “It’s okay if you did, though.” She opens her mouth to say something but I keep going. “And that doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It just means you’re fourteen and you’re human and you’re allowed to want things to be about you from time to time. That’s permitted, Pol.”
She looks at me uncertainly for a moment. Then she exhales noisily. “Thanks for that.”
I smile. “Have I told you lately that you’re an amazing sister?”
She blushes. “I don’t really do anything.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t complain. You don’t create trouble for me. You don’t argue and you don’t make everything about you.”
Her smile gets a little wider as I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. She’s thin and gangly but I can see in her face the outlines of the woman she’s well on her way to becoming.
“You’re a great big brother, ya know?”
“Oh, I know.”
She laughs and mock-punches me in the chest. I walk her to the door where her bag is being loaded into the back of the bulletproof SUV that’s designated exclusively for her use.
“Why isn’t Lev allowed down to the basements during weekends?” Polly asks abruptly. She raises one eyebrow. “Or is it just the weekends I’m here? He told me about it. He wasn’t happy.”
Fucking hell. Just when I choose to place my bets that Lev doesn’t open up about much, he goes and proves me wrong in the most inconvenient way possible. “It’s not every weekend. It’s just on days when he gets really anxious.”
“I would have thought being out of the basement would make him more anxious, not less.”
The girl is too smart by half. I’m going to have to think of another plan soon. Summer is just around the corner and that means Polly’s going to be here for months. There’s no way I’ll be able to keep Alyssa from her for that long unless I make alternate arrangements for my problematic little prisoner.
“He’s been having nightmares lately. It helps to have him sleep close to me just in case he needs me in the night.”
“Oh.” Her face drops. “What kind of nightmares?”
I feel like an asshole for lying to her about this. But it’s a necessary evil, a sin that I have to commit in order to protect her from… all the rest of it.
“Nightmares about the accident, as far as I can tell. He doesn’t like to talk about it.”
“Oh, God, they’re back, huh?” she asks, chewing on her bottom lip.
“Don’t worry about this. I’ve got it handled.”
She sighs and crosses her hands over her chest. She looks so much like Mom when she does that. “Of course I’m gonna worry, Uri. He’s my brother. And so are you.”
“Me? Why the hell are you wasting time worrying about me?”
She raises her eyebrows. “Because you can’t be everything for everyone all the time. You need something of your own. Something that feeds your soul.”
“I feed my soul plenty.”
“I’m not talking about the parade of women you bring through here.”
“Excuse me?”
She gives me a withering scowl. “I’m fourteen. I’m not stupid.”
“There’s no way you know about that unless—”
“People talk, big brother.”
“I’m gonna have to have a chat with the staff.”
She punches me again. “Aw, come on. Don’t be a killjoy. Gossip is the one thing they have. Hell, it’s the one thing I have. How else am I supposed to get the tea about what goes on here while I’m away?”
She wags her eyebrows at me and I shake my head, trying to control my expression. But all I’m thinking is, How much does she actually know?
“What else are they filling your head with?”
Polly laughs. “That the parade of women you bring through here has come to a grinding halt recently.”
“I’ve been too busy to focus on my personal life.”
“Oh, sure, your ‘personal life.’” She snorts and folds her arms over her chest. “Come on—you don’t have a personal life. What you have is a sex life. There’s a difference.”
I shake my head at her. “When did you get to be so grown up?”
Polina grins from ear to ear. “I’m looking forward to summer. And I’m really looking forward to spending more time with Lev. He seems to be doing… better.” She says it tentatively, like she’s afraid to hope too hard. “Well, better in some ways. Like…” She glances back over her shoulder into the house as though she’s worried he might be skulking around, listening in on us. “Yeah, just more open to suggestions. He even let me play a couple of video games with him. And I was able to take him outside a couple of times! Can you believe it?”
“He’s been making strides lately.”
“I wonder why?” she muses thoughtfully.
Alyssa, comes the obvious answer in my head. Out loud, I say, “George is pushing his limits a little.”
Polly frowns. “I spoke to George. He’s not doing anything new.”
Yeah, I’m definitely gonna have to come up with an alternate plan. Polly is too damn perceptive for her own good. She also happens to be interested, which is very inconvenient. For once, I wish she was less aware and more self-involved with typical teenage girl bullshit.
“Let’s not question a good thing,” I say diplomatically.