I can’t bring myself to get back in bed. So instead, I pace. I meander back and forth between the bed and the gaming area again and again, carving foot trails in the carpet.
The longer I stay here, the harder it becomes to have perspective. The harder it becomes to extricate myself from the emotional cesspit I’m falling into. Every day, I get a little bit more attached to Lev. I fall a little bit harder for Uri. I convince myself that whatever the two of us have is normal.
It’s not.
Fucking my face and then walking away is not normal!
Confining me to a basement during weekends for some unknown reason is not normal!
Seeking me out for sex whenever he’s upset and then disappearing on me when I need him the most is definitely not fucking normal!
I just have to act while I still believe that. Before I’m in so deep that I just accept that this is my new life and Uri gets to dictate how it goes.
Buoyed by my newfound determination, I rush to the gaming area and turn on the screen on the off chance that Liam has seen my friend request and accepted me. I’m not really expecting it to work out. The wedding’s right around the corner. Pretty sure the groom won’t have time to—
Friend request accepted.
I want to cry. Today, I’m extremely grateful for Liam’s obsessive love for all things video games. If I ever get out of this basement, I’m gonna buy him a new Xbox with all the trimmings.
I gasp when I see Liam’s little avatar icon turn green. He’s online! I grab the remote control and start typing fast into our private conversation box.
ALYSSA: Liam. It’s Alyssa. I know it’s late but if you’re there can you get Elle on here pronto? It’s urgent.
LIAM: Hold up. I’ll get her.
I’m freaking out. My heart is pumping fast, my legs feel like jelly and I’m almost positive I’m thiiis close to peeing my pants.
I jump again when I see the three little dots appear on the screen that means someone—hopefully Elle—is typing.
LIAM: Alyssa! What. The. Fuck??? Where the hell are you?
ALYSSA: First off, I’m so fucking sorry I missed your bridal shower.
LIAM: You think I care about that shit? Where the hell are you? Should I be calling the police? Just give me the word and I’m dialing 911 right fucking now.
ALYSSA: No. Don’t. I’m fine. I’m safe.
Am I fine? Am I safe? I have no idea why I’m lying to my best friend but my gut is telling me that I’m not lying for her or for myself.
ALYSSA: I’m on a job.
LIAM: Right. Cuba. I got your lame text message, Lys. It didn’t exactly explain anything. Do you know how many messages I’ve sent you in the last two weeks?
ALYSSA: A lot?
LIAM: A fucking TON. Why haven’t you been answering? And why the hell are we texting on this lame ass thread instead of on our phones like normal people?
ALYSSA: All great questions. And I’m gonna try and answer them. Just… bear with me okay? It’s complicated.
LIAM: Okay. Fine. Tell me everything.
Everything. That’s a tall ask. And considering I set this unlikely plan in motion days ago, I’m shocked that I’m not better prepared with my answers. The fact is, as much as I want to get out of this basement, I’m not willing to throw Uri under the bus to do it.
Idiot.
ALYSSA: I sorta… met someone.
LIAM: Wait. This is about a GUY?
ALYSSA: Sorta. I was working on a story and I kinda accidentally got caught up in a… situation.
LIAM: In Cuba?
Biting my lip, I wonder if I should just come clean. But that feels a little too complicated right now. Let’s unravel one lie at a time.
ALYSSA: Yes. Anyway, like I said, I’m okay. I was saved by this guy.
LIAM: Oh boy. Is that where you are?
ALYSSA: Yes. I’ve been staying with him the last few weeks.
LIAM: And why haven’t you been responding to any of my messages or calls. Do not tell me that Cuba has bad reception because I freaking googled it.
ALYSSA: I lost my phone in the midst of everything and I’ve been lying low.
LIAM: So you are in danger???
ALYSSA: The guy I’m with, he’s powerful here. He’s keeping me safe.
That part doesn’t feel like a lie. Uri’s ego problems might be infectious.
LIAM: Lys, I’m not gonna lie. I’m worried.
ALYSSA: Don’t be. As soon as the situation is dealt with, I’m coming home. I just wanted you to know that I’m fine. And I wanted to say how sorry I am for missing your bridal shower.
LIAM: Hon, something’s not adding up for me. Why didn’t you just call? Surely your knight in shining armor has a phone you could have borrowed.
The whole point of trying to contact Elle was to try and get myself out of this situation. But somewhere between Uri leaving and texting Elle, I’ve made a sharp turn.
What the hell are you doing?
And then it strikes me. The real reason I wanted to contact Elle. It wasn’t to get me out of this situation; it was so that I could get some much-needed perspective on how to navigate it. Because no matter how complicated things are right now, I trust that Uri won’t hurt me.
ALYSSA: It’s complicated and I swear, one day I’ll explain it all to you. But for right now, I need your advice.
LIAM: I’m here. Hit me with it.
ALYSSA: The guy I’m with—he saved me from this situation and gave me refuge in his home. And then one thing led to another…
LIAM: This might be entirely inappropriate given the situation but FINALLY!
ALYSSA: Excuse me?
LIAM: Come on, hon. Dont make me say all the stuff about how its about time u finally got laid…
ALYSSA: May I continue please!!
LIAM: SMH. I would have thought getting some strange would have relaxed you. Apparently not. go on.
ALYSSA: there was a small, naive part of me that thought that it might be getting serious between us. But he’s hard to read. i never know where i stand with him.
LIAM: That doesn’t sound good.
ALYSSA: That’s just it. I’ve spent weeks w/ him now and I really believe he’s a good man. It’s just he’s been through a lot, you know. And he does take care of me. He makes me feel seen & heard. I can’t remember ever feeling that way w/ another guy.
LIAM: ok, but clearly there’s a question there otherwise you wouldnt be contacting me in this very weird way.
ALYSSA: he can be… closed off sometimes. Actually a lot of the time.
LIAM: are you still having sex with him even when he’s closed off?
ALYSSA: i mean…
LIAM: Girl! I don’t care how hot he is or how good he is to you. Sometimes is not enough. You deserve a guy who’s good to you ALL the fucking time.
LIAM: Either way, what are you gonna do? Move to freaking Cuba? come on Lys. Be real.
She has a point there. I mean, I’m not really in Cuba. But let’s face it: staying in Uri’s world is as good as that.
ALYSSA: youre right.
LIAM: duh. But I also know what it’s like to be in the throes of something new and exciting. And if anyone deserves a torrid, whirlwind romance, it’s you!
LIAM: Which is why I will forgive you for missing my bridal shower.
ALYSSA: Bless you.