“Uri would like it, too,” he insists. “Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, we sit in the kitchen and eat cereal together.”
Oh God, don’t tell me that. I don’t need another reason to like Uri. God knows I have enough as it is. Of course, I have just as many reasons to hate him. But somehow, that latter list isn’t as compelling or as convincing as you’d think.
Damn those pheromones.
“That sounds fun.”
Lev nods. “I like it because it’s really quiet at night. And it’s dark. And all the blinds are down.”
Well, that explains why this basement has no windows. I can’t even be mad at it now. “I used to do the same thing with my sister,” I admit. “Except we used to eat pizza and ice cream and cookies.”
“You have a sister?”
“Yes,” I answer before thinking. Then it hits me: I had a sister. I grab a hold of my Z link instantly, trying to push down the sadness I’ve just unearthed. The bruise on my heart that won’t go away no matter how many times I poke it.
“I have a sister, too,” he explains. “And two brothers.”
“And Uri is one?”
He nods and shovels another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “He’s my best friend, too.”
There it goes again—my heart, shuddering with emotion that I really don’t want to be feeling right now. Or ever. At least not for Uri Bugrov.
“But don’t tell Nikolai or Polly,” he adds, suddenly mortified.
“I won’t. Pinky swear.” I offer him my pinky to make good on my promise, but he looks at me like I’ve sprouted another head. Sheepishly, I let my hand fall. “Sorry. We, er… we don’t have to pinky swear.”
“Uh, what is that?” he asks after a long silence. “Pink-ee swear?”
“Oh. Well, it just means it’s an unbreakable promise. Once you’ve linked fingers, that’s it. You can’t break your promise no matter what.”
His mouth drops and his eyebrows rise. “Really?”
“Really.”
He looks down at his hand and then back at me. “I… I wanna do it.”
My heart lifts. “Of course.” I wait until he’s lifted his hand before I lift mine. I have to lean onto the center island in order to reach him. Then I guide my pinky around his and we lock onto one another.
I can feel him tremble but he seems calm. “There,” I say with satisfaction. “Now, that promise is unbreakable.”
He grins the widest I’ve ever seen. “Cool.” I giggle softly as he pushes his empty bowl towards me. “Can you make me some more cornflakes?”
“Coming right up.”
As I fill up his bowl again, it occurs to me that Lev might be just the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. A few pointed questions, a pinky swear or two, and I might be able to get him to do exactly what I want.
Namely: get me out of here.
He gets his basement back; I get my freedom back. Win-win, right?
My conscience doesn’t agree, though. The moment I consider it, the guilt washes over me. I glance over at Lev, who’s waiting eagerly for his second bowl. The innocence on his face makes me feel like a total scumbag for even thinking of using him that way. I can’t possibly put him in the middle of this. And I definitely can’t make a pawn out of him.
I slide the bowl over to Lev. “Here you go, Lev.”
He takes the bowl and shovels more cornflakes into his mouth. Every time I see some splatter, I feel the need to reach over and clean his face for him.
“You’re a really good cook,” he says between chews.
I suppress a laugh. “Thanks, Lev. I appreciate that.”
We spend the next few minutes talking about books. Well, I spend the next few minutes talking about books. Lev mostly just listens and eats, though he doesn’t seem to mind me rambling. When he’s done, his gaze starts flitting around the kitchen as though he’s looking for something.
“You okay, Lev?”
“Do you think Uri will be mad at me?”
I frown. “Why would he be mad at you?”
“Because I came down here. He told me not to come down here.”
“He probably just didn’t want you to be upset. He was protecting you. And me.”
“Because he’s my big brother,” Lev agrees. “That’s his job. He says so all the time.”
Oh, God. Another punch to the ovaries.
I’m having all the feels right now and that is not a good thing. “Well, he’s right. It’s important for siblings to look out for each other.”
Lev frowns. “I don’t look after him.”
“You may not think so but I bet there’s something you’re doing for him, even if you don’t know it.” His frown gets even deeper and I can see on his face that I’m not making any sense to him. “I remember my sister used to get really stressed out before exams. So I used to give her a big hug right before she sat for the tests. Later, when we were older, she told me that those hugs helped her. I didn’t know it at the time, but I did make a difference, no matter how small.”
Lev shakes his head. “How can a hug help?”
I smile. “It’s a physical gesture of love. It’s a way of showing someone you care without actually saying it.”
He starts oscillating on his stool. “I don’t like hugs.”
Of course he doesn’t, you idiot. You couldn’t have come up with another example?
“A hug isn’t the only way to show someone you care. There are tons of other ways. Like… sharing your video games, for example.”
Lev thinks about that. His spinning slows, then stops. “Oh.” His eyes go blank for a moment before they focus on me again. “I still don’t want Uri to be mad at me.”
“I’m sure he won’t—”
“I have to go.”
He jerks away from the island and leaves the kitchen so fast that I have to jog to keep up with him. He pulls the door open with ease but he pauses at the threshold.
“How long are you staying?” he asks without any eye contact.
“I’m not sure, Lev. But I promise to leave as soon as I can.”
He’s looking directly at the door frame, running his finger down the cool steel strip. “It’s okay. You can use my basement.”
I have to bite on my bottom lip to keep it from wobbling. “See? Now, I know you care about me.” He blushes. “Will you come and see me again, Lev?”
He nods silently and then bolts out the door.
It’s still early, so I get back in bed and go back to my usual pastime of staring at the ceiling. But this time, I’m smiling.
24
URI
It’s four in the morning when I turn on the feed that links to the basement. I can’t sleep and I figured I’d check to see if she could.
She isn’t sleeping. No. She’s standing behind the bed, clearly rattled by the presence of my younger brother who I had expressly told to stay out of the fucking basement.
My first thought is, What the fuck?
My second thought is, I’m gonna go down right now and yank him outta there.