I pull in a deep stinging breath, the ground beneath my boots crunching with each step as I follow Perth along a path deeper into the woods. A light blanket of frost kisses the world all around me, and I start to question if shifting in this freezing weather is wise.
Maybe I can convince Perth to do this another day?
“Stop lollygagging and trying to come up with excuses to get out of this,” Perth calls over his shoulder, the same annoying smile that greeted me first thing this morning still spread across his face. Despite the weather, he’s wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt, like this cold doesn’t bother him at all.
“Crap, was I projecting again?” I ask, stumbling over a frozen root and then righting myself. I’ve been trying to get better about controlling my thoughts. For the most part, I think I’ve got it down, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m leaking like a sieve right now. I’ve got bigger problems to worry about.
“Nope, not that time. It’s written plain as day across your face,” Perth confesses, and I shoot him a glare, one that he totally misses because he’s once again facing forward and not looking at me. “I saw that,” he gibes, his playful excitement riding my last nerve.
“How ’bout you see this?” I mumble, flipping him a set of double barrel birds.
He just chuckles like I’m being adorable instead of antagonistic. Then he turns toward me, slowing his pace so that we can trudge side by side. I avoid looking at the way the muted sun makes the color of his hair appear deeper and showcases those freckles I’m starting to memorize, particularly the tiny one dotting his lower lip. Ogling has no place in the midst of an anxiety attack.
Part of me wishes the other guys were here instead of running a staggered perimeter to keep me safe. But they’d all headed out with stern looks and serious swagger this morning, bound and determined to be my bodyguards while I wolf out and frolic around. The coffee I had this morning feels more like cement in my stomach, so I doubt there will be much frolicking going on today, but never say never, I guess.
“It’s going to be fine. I know you’re nervous, which is totally understandable, but I’m here. I’ve got you. This is going to be epic, I promise. Well, after the pain part, but really that lasts less than five minutes your first time…ten at the most.”
“Your pep talks suck ass,” I grump, pushing a low branch out of my way as I follow the chipper shifter to what feels like my doom.
Perth gasps with faux indignation. “My pep talks are legendary, just ask all the pack kids,” he defends. “You need something more poetic, try this classic…” He clears his throat dramatically, throwing out a hand as though he’s on some stage instead of trekking through the woods at the butt crack of dawn. “To be or not to be…who gives a shit and shift already!” He cracks up, laughing like a loon at his own ridiculously bad joke.
But, fuck me if I don’t crack a small smile at his antics.
“See!” He points at me enthusiastically, more specifically at the smile I’m doing a bad job of hiding. “Just like I said, epic.”
“I can only imagine what teenage shifters say about you behind your back,” I declare, and I roll my eyes as we reach a clearing surrounded by skeletal maples and covered in a carpet of their ruby leaves.
He snorts and stops walking. “Oh, I can hear most of it. They suck at shielding. But you wanna know a secret?” He steps in close to my side, and I catch a hint of his scent, a musky, smoky smell that softens the quaking in my belly. His breath is warm against the shell of my ear as he whispers, “Irritation is a great distractor from fear.”
Then he boops me on the tip of my nose before darting to the middle of the clearing. His arms spread wide, his voice blasts across the space as though he’s a ringleader at a circus. “Noah Lupescu, are you ready for a day that’s as amazing as Christmas?”
I give him a wry look as I walk closer. “Bad example for a kid who grew up in the system. Even before that, holiday magic was no competition for time and a half pay. Single mom, you know.”
“Well, shit,” he mumbles, his happy expression immediately deflating.
“It’s fine,” I assure him with a small smile.
“It’s not fine. But for the sake of today’s life-changing exercise, we’ll let it slide…for now. Okay, no Christmas comparisons,” he observes, speaking more to himself than me. He rubs his palms together as he thinks for a second. “Tell me about your favorite memory then. A time you were so excited that you were jumping up and down because you couldn’t hold it in a second longer.”
His suggestion makes me pause, and I look over through the trees as I shuffle through my memories in search of what he’s asked for. It’s not long before I have one. “When I was sixteen, I volunteered at an animal shelter.”
I don’t dive into the why, since recalling that foster family bequeaths me with nothing more than a jumbled mess of tangled hurt. “There was this big black dog, Shadow, who growled at everyone when he came in. No one could get near him. But for some reason, he liked me. He went from scared and angry to this playful puppy. He’d be so excited to see me, and I felt the exact same way. I’d always rush off the bus, running down the sidewalk to get to him.” My eyes gloss up a tiny bit at the memory.
When I glance up, Perth is in front of me. He carefully reaches for my hand and takes it, the warmth of his palm sinking into my skin. “You were a beast tamer even then,” he teases lightly, and I laugh and shake my head.
“Guess so.”
Perth’s amber eyes practically glow as he looks deep into mine. “Well, get ready, because we’re about to create memories that rank right up there with Shadow.”
He’s so close, still holding my hand as he makes his declaration, and my mind instantly goes somewhere it shouldn’t. I know he’s talking about shifting, and yet, suddenly, all I can picture is him closing the distance between us, pulling me into his arms, and giving me no choice but to lose myself in his kiss.
My breath hitches and I force myself to shake away the wayward vision, ignoring the flush that crawls up my neck. “So full of yourself,” I gibe in an effort to redirect my thoughts to an easier, safer place.
He shakes his head. “You’ll see.” He drops my hand and retreats a few paces before shucking off his shirt. A light dusting of red hair covers his chest, and his freckles are everywhere. The solid definition of his pecs and the way his arms flex have me swallowing hard.
And that’s the exact opposite of what I need to knock the lust right out of my thoughts.
When Perth reaches for his belt buckle, I blurt out, “Wait. So, we’re just, like, doing this?”
“Yup.”
“Don’t…don’t you need to go through the rules again or something?” I squeak, fear constricting my vocal chords. My breath comes more quickly even though it feels like the air isn’t making it all the way to my lungs. My eyes drag across the ground, and I want to run, though my feet feel stuck in place.
“Sure. Get naked. Then call your wolf.” Perth gives me a naughty grin—he knows how fucking annoying he’s being.
“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” I’m about to lay into him when he shucks his pants.
Damn.