“I’ll leave you to it.” My hand curled, but I didn’t lift it to brush against her cheek the way I wanted to. “Stay close to Sergeant Gray. I have to get the next group to the roof.” She nodded, and I turned away from her. “Don’t let her out of your sight,” I ordered Graham.
“She’s not leaving the room until it’s time to fly,” he agreed.
Making my way into the hallway, I found Torres nodding toward my room.
I glanced back at Elston. “Five minutes.”
He agreed, and I walked into my room, Torres on my heels, before I closed the door. “The city is going to shit,” I said to him, throwing the rest of my stuff in my pack so I was ready to go.
“Seems like it.” He grimaced, sitting on the edge of the small desk.
“What’s up?” I adjusted the chain around my neck so it sat more comfortably under my Kevlar.
“Checking on you.”
My eyes narrowed in his direction as the faint scent of smoke reached my nose. They’d started burning sensitive documents.
“Hey.” He put his hands up like he was under arrest. “If your focus isn’t just on Izzy, but wrapped up in Izzy, then you’re not doing anybody any good out there.”
“I’m not distracted if that’s what you’re implying.” I headed to the bathroom and took care of that while I had the chance.
“I think it’s a safe assumption,” he said over the sound of the flushing toilet.
I washed my hands and shook my head. “I’m fine.”
“You’re leaving her in a matter of hours, and speaking from experience, you’re always a little fucked up after you say goodbye to her.”
Yanking open the door, I full-on glared at my best friend. “I’m not always—”
He arched a dark brow.
I relented. “Fine. It’s . . .” I searched for the right word that wouldn’t get me thrown at a shrink and off the mission. “It’s concerning to find Izzy again, come within inches of actually having her in my life, and then send her back, not just to the States, but into the same cycle we’ve been stuck in for ten years.”
“Right.” He nodded, and I started to pace.
“I mean, is this really the best we can do?” I let the frustration out of the box I’d tucked it into, and it consumed me. “Ten years, and I’m going to what? Say it was amazing to see you again, and I’ll see if I have a weekend in six months?”
“It’s always worked for you before.”
“It’s never worked for us before. That’s the damned problem. She wants more, and I can’t give it to her. She wants the life, the house, the dream—”
“So do you.” He shrugged.
I halted in my steps. “I don’t have time for this.”
“Oh, fuck off. Those are the same things you’ve always wanted. The military was just supposed to be what got you there, remember? Because I do. You got your degree in English specifically so you could go teach once you were done with the army.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Did it ever occur to you that you’re unhappy because you’re living a life you never wanted?”
“No.” I shook my head and glanced at the clock. The helo would be back in twenty minutes, and we had to get the next group of evacuees to the roof.
“You’ve been lying to yourself for so long that it’s become the truth.” Torres sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “You carry that ring around because it gives you hope that one day you’ll put it on her finger. One day you’ll be done with this life. You live for the day you can take your shot.”
“Maybe there’s no shot to take.” I kept my voice as even as possible, even though my chest was threatening to cave in on my heart. “Maybe she deserves better.”
“Fine. You show me one guy on this planet who can love her more than you do, and we can have that conversation.” His shoulders drooped. “It’s time to make her the promise.”
“What promise is that?” I scratched my beard. A couple more days and it would get past the itchy stage.
“The promise that you’re getting out this time.” He said it like it was that simple.
“You think I should leave the unit.” The thought of it was . . . shit, I couldn’t even examine my feelings there, or I might not like what I found.
“I think doing this”—he gestured around us—“was never really your dream. It was always mine, and I’m not denying that you carried me this far, but man, you are going to lose that woman once and for all if you don’t let it go.”
And this conversation was done. I turned and walked through the door into the hallway, Torres following after with a lighter step.
Elston’s brows rose. “Everything okay?”
“No,” Torres muttered.
“Absolutely. Let’s get the next group.”
Three hours later, the atmosphere had more than shifted; it had thickened with the scent of panic and the sound of gunfire. The news that the Afghan government had surrendered the city ripped through the embassy like wildfire.
Literally.
The burn buckets had been filled and torched, sending plumes of black smoke into the air, and the helo was due any moment.
It was time to go.
“I can still get a few of their interviews done,” Izzy argued in her suite as I slipped the Kevlar vest onto her and fastened the sides. Her suite was empty.
“You can’t. Everyone who can turn those interviews into visas has left.” Helo after helo had arrived, evacuating the essential personnel, and we were going to be on the next one. I didn’t give a shit who got left behind for the next flight as long as it wasn’t her.
“There are still thousands of people here!”
“And there’s every chance they’ll die here. You’re not going to be one of them.” I cupped her face and kissed her hard and quick, then set her helmet on her head.
“I can do that myself.”
“But maybe I like to.” I ran the backs of my fingers down her cheek. “Grab your backpack.”
“Your backpack,” she muttered, slinging the pack over her shoulders.
“I gave it to you way too long ago to ever be considered mine again. You have your passport?” I needed her on that plane and out of here.
She shot me a look. “I have traveled without you, Nate.”
“Fair point.” I led her to the door, aware of the noise coming from the hallway. “Twelve inches, Izzy.”
“I know.” Her breathing picked up, and fear dilated her pupils.
“Let’s get out of here.” I held out my left hand and she took it, lacing our fingers. There was zero chance I was going to get separated from her in the mayhem beyond these doors. I opened the door to find most of my team waiting, blocking Izzy’s door.
Elston was already on the roof, backing up the team of snipers.
“Go,” I said.
They surrounded us and we moved, cutting through the crowd that ran past intermittently.
“We’re leaving so many people behind,” Izzy said, her head turning to watch a man sprint in the opposite direction.
“This isn’t the last helicopter,” I told her.
“It’s packed,” Graham said over his shoulder as he opened the door to the stairwell.
“They’ll move,” I answered, leaving no room for interpretation in my tone. I kept my dominant hand on my rifle as it hung from my shoulder. No need to scare the shit out of people unless the situation warranted it.