“I can’t … This isn’t …” He stares down at his hands. “This is fucked.”
“Yep.” I bump my shoulder against his. “The only question is what you’re going to do about it.” I don’t expect a single conversation to knock his entire alignment out of order, but surely he can see that chasing down the dragon is wrong?
Bowen leans back against the pew with a sigh. “I would like to know who’s making reports on behalf of people who aren’t interested in being saved.”
“Only because there wasn’t anything to be saved from.” I have to wonder how many generations of dragons had their young on that beach while the village kept their silence. I would wager there’s been more than either of us could possibly guess. “Are you going to hunt her down?”
“No.” He shakes his head and his voice firms up. “No. It’s a waste of time and resources when she’ll return to her home realm on her own. As long as she doesn’t hurt or kill anyone else, it seems … cruel to kill her. Let alone the youngling.” His expression is troubled. “No matter what else is true, he was right about that. It’s wrong to deprive a child of its mother, when she was only trying to protect them. I don’t like that she killed people, but …”
“It’s more complicated than you realized,” I fill in.
“Yeah. A lot more complicated.”
That soft feeling in my chest grows. I knew there was much to be admired about this infuriating man, but the fact that he’s adapting so quickly? It breaks my heart that I won’t be around to see his final evolution.
If he even has one. The C?n Annwn don’t seem the type to allow their people to question orders.
A frisson of fear shoots down my spine. No. Damn it, no. Bowen is not my problem. Even if he was, I’m not the one people go to when they need help or protection. I’m a good time and a fun escape, but I’m not a harbor against storms.
But … I don’t want to see him hurt.
“I know the crew won’t be happy to hear that, but maybe you can find a way to pitch it that sounds reasonable and won’t cause a revolt.”
He finally looks at me. One corner of his lips curve. “Worried about me?”
“Maybe.” I huff. “Okay, fine, yes, I’m worried about you. You were about to sacrifice yourself against a cat-sìth to save my life. Your instincts are suspect.”
His dark eyes see too much. Thankfully, he keeps his observations to himself and rises. “Let’s go back to the Hag. Hopefully I come up with a brilliant argument in the meantime to convince them not to mutiny.”
Again, that awful concern for him arises. I’ve seen how some of the crew talk about him. You hear a lot of things in the kitchen, and while I had no intention of staying in Threshold longer than strictly necessary, it was impossible not to notice that the crew is divided into three factions. Those who think Bowen walks on water. Those who believe Miles is more of a proper representation of what the C?n Annwn should be. And those who haven’t made up their mind yet.
It still boggles the mind that these fearsome monster killers decide their captain by … vote. From the gossip I gathered, there are times when it might come down to a fight or a straight-up mutiny, but generally that’s not how leadership passes. The captain who’s voted out is dropped at the nearest port—as long as they still has some goodwill with the crew—and then they’re left to find another C?n Annwn crew and join up, starting at the bottom of the heirarchy.
In the time since Bowen pulled me out of the water, he seems to be losing people’s support daily. “Will this decision be the one that finally tips the balance in Miles’s favor?”
“It’s possible. Probable, even.” Bowen shrugs. He holds out a broad hand, and even though I definitely don’t need help standing, I take it and allow him to tug me to my feet. He doesn’t respond to my question until we step out of the building and into the faint sunlight. “There are a lot of individuals who are loyal to me, but the crew as a whole is a fickle beast and Miles is good at knowing exactly what angle to take to get them to listen to him.” He shrugs again. “It doesn’t matter. It’s the right thing to do.”
Again, that awful urge to protect him arises.
Watch out for yourself first, little bird. No one else will.
Bunny’s rule rings hollow as we trudge back down the dirt path toward the dock. She’s not wrong. I have no intention of staying with the C?n Annwn, and even if I did, I would balk at hurting Bowen, even indirectly. I can’t imagine Miles would let me stay aboard if he became captain; it’s far more likely that he would finish what he started the day I arrived and try to kill me. Out on the water with the entire crew at his back? I don’t stand a chance.
Damned if I flee, damned if I stay.
I’m so wrapped up in my dark thoughts that I don’t realize Bowen has stopped walking until I bounce off his back. “Hey!”
His power rises so fast, it feels like a hunting bird diving past me. I jump away, but he’s not focused on me. His attention is on the docks, and farther out to the bay. The bay that is currently empty.
“Where the fuck is my ship?”
CHAPTER 17
Bowen
“MILES TOOK IT.”
“What?” I spin to find Dia leaning against a tree, her ever-present joint perched between two fingers.
She exhales a cloud of smoke. “He got them to take a vote. He won handily, but couldn’t get them to agree to brand you a traitor. That will only hold until you do something foolish, though.” She eyes me. “Or more foolish.”
Her words hit me with the force of boulders. They took a vote. They took my fucking ship. I knew this was coming, but part of me never believed it would actually happen. I was voted in as captain after Ezra died during a particularly vicious storm; his declining health until that point and the fact he made a point to tell me he was proud of me before sending me below all add up to the fact he knew he wasn’t long for this world, and he chose the way he left it. I’ve made my peace with that in the intervening years, but he served as captain for my entire life in Threshold—and a good decade before we ever met. I honestly thought I’d do the same, leading the crew of the Hag until the sea finally took me into its embrace.
“It’s gone. Everything’s gone.” The world goes a bit hazy around me. “I’ve lost everything. They had no right.”
“You know better. They had every right. A captain is only a captain as long as he has his crew behind him. They lost faith.” She takes another long inhale.
Betrayal lays thick and cloying on the back of my tongue. I have to swallow hard several times to keep from gagging on it. I know I need to pivot, to plan on what I’m going to do next, but I can’t think. I can’t do anything but feel.