“It wasn’t an impulse, if that’s what you’re asking. I’ve been wanting to do it for some time.”
My heart aches, and I want to say so many things, but all I manage is a choked, “Thanks.”
He narrows his eyes, and it looks so erotic with water cascading down his face. “You’re not panicking?”
“Why would I?”
“Because this means I love the fucking shit out of you, baby. I can’t live without you and you’re not allowed to leave me.”
My lips part and I watch him with a lump in my throat and my heart thundering so loudly, I can hear it over the buzzing in my ears.
“Hello?” He waves a hand in my face. “You going to say something? You’re starting to freak me out.”
“I don’t want to leave you,” I whisper the words that feel as if they’re being pulled from deep in my battered soul.
“Then don’t.”
He says it as if it’s simple. And it is simple for him. I wish it was the same for me.
I wish I could be the man he deserves.
I wish I could say the words back and not be flooded with the black ink and nausea.
Since I can’t, I get on my tiptoes and seal my lips to his. For the first time, my kiss is gentle, imploring, wanting to explore him, to express the burning feelings I can’t say out loud.
My fingers slide in his hair and I pull him closer until our chests press together, and we kiss under the water stream.
Nikolai’s arms wrap around my back to fuse us closer, but he doesn’t rush it, doesn’t turn it into a lustful frenzy like we’re used to.
Maybe it’s because he, too, knows this isn’t about lust anymore. It stopped being about lust a long time ago.
For me, it was never about lust. I was drawn to him, which is why I wanted him. It wasn’t the other way around.
We kiss for what feels like hours. We kiss until it’s impossible to breathe in anything but each other’s air.
My hand strokes his hair while the other slides over his shoulder, back, and waist, then I grab a handful of his arse and grind him against me.
He releases a low rumble that explodes from his lips all the way to his chest. I feel every vibration against my heated skin.
All the blood rushes to my already aching cock and it pulses with need.
Nikolai hisses when I plant one leg between his and wrap the other around his thigh. His cock brushes against mine, the pierced crown eliciting primal pleasure from deep inside me. The new angle lets him rub the length of his dick against mine, sliding, rutting until we’re panting in each other’s mouths.
The sucking sounds of our lips echo louder, needier, now in the midst of streaming water as I hump him with a desire so colossal, I feel like I can’t survive if I don’t touch him.
I reach between us and tighten my first around our cocks, jerking us in a firm grip, squeezing the way he loves it.
All this time, I’ve been so attuned to what and where he likes to be touched that I’ve become an expert in sucking his balls dry. Literally.
It took me time compared to his experience and natural talent, but I’m nothing if not a fast learner.
His sharp intake of air gives me the incentive to go rougher until he’s bucking his hips and fucking my hand.
“Jesus, fuck, baby. You know how to make a man lose his mind.” He blows out a sharp exhale against my swollen lips.
I fist his hair tighter. “Not just any man. You.”
“Not just any man,” he repeats with a blinding possessiveness. “Me. Only fucking me.”
“Tell me you’re mine,” I order and it’s such a low blow when he’s trapped in the cloud of lust, but I want to hear it.
“I’ve been yours since I met you, baby.” He rubs his chest against mine. “I literally have the ink to prove it.”
“Umm. Fuck. I love the tattoo.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh. It’s my favorite of yours. I want to feast on it and you.”
“Holy fucking shit. You need to stop talking dirty or I’ll come here and now.”
“Then come.”
“Nope.” He bites my lower lip. “Need.” Kiss. “Inside.” Lick. “You.”
My head is in shambles, but I have enough clarity to grab him by the wrist and pull him behind me. I don’t even bother to dry us, but he fetches his trousers and grabs his wallet, then throws it down again.
“Uh, baby? I don’t want to freak you out, but we’re dripping all over the place.”
“Fuck it.”
“Oh wow. Who are you and what have you done to my OCD lotus flower?”
“Less talking and more fucking, Niko.” I push him onto my bed and straddle him, grinding my arse against his erection.
“Fucking hell, you’re on a roll today. You’re driving me fucking mental, as you say.” He grins in that sexy way that leaves my heart distraught.
I kiss him because I can’t not kiss him. I’m addicted to his taste, to the way his jaw clenches beneath my fingers, the way he growls like he can’t get enough of me.
I’m addicted to him and have been through enough withdrawals for a lifetime.
From now on, he’s not allowed to leave my sight.
Nikolai pulls back only to wrench out a packet from his wallet and then tosses it to the side.
I breathe heavily, brows drawn. “Since when do we use condoms?”
“Not condoms. Lube. I figured you didn’t have any here.”
“I didn’t think you’d come over…do you go around carrying packets of lube?”
“Only when I’m going to see you.”
“You’re actually thinking ahead for once.”
“Gotta impress you, baby.”
“Consider me impressed.”
“Mmm. Your husky voice is hot as fuck.” He tears the packet of lube with his teeth and that sight isn’t supposed to make me leak so desperately over my abs.
Playfulness and intensity dance in his dark-blue eyes as he squirts the liquid on his palm and circles my rim. I lift myself higher so he has better access. His finger thrusts inside me and I arch as he opens me up with shallow pumps of his hand before he adds a second finger.
A burst of pleasure goes through me when he teases that button of pleasure inside me, but through it all, I don’t stop looking at him, watching him, drowning in that enchanting gaze.
God, I missed him.
I’m never allowing him out of my sight again.
He’s mine.
Mine.
Fucking mine.
“You’re drooling, baby. Am I that hot?”
“The hottest, if you ask me.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. You’re going to be the death of me today.”
“Don’t die.” I spread some of the lube on his length. “I need your cock inside me.”
“Fucking fuck. I meant to prime you properly, but I can’t take this anymore.” He removes his fingers and clutches my hips and positions me on top of him. “Sit on my cock. Let me watch your sexy face as you ride me.”
Heat of desire explodes inside me, and I hold myself on one hand as I fist his rock-hard cock with the other and then guide him inside me. My dick twitches when the crown slips in and I bite the corner of my lip as I go all the way down.
My groan mixes with Nikolai’s and I breathe harshly as his huge cock stretches me open. I close my eyes to soak in the sensation and the otherworldly feel of him in me.
“Open those beautiful eyes. Look at me.”
I blink and my breathing is chopped off when I find his intense gaze devouring me whole.