Daniel was still asleep when James woke and carefully got out of bed. He needed the bathroom, and his mouth was desert dry. After dressing quickly and taking care of business, he padded barefoot to the kitchen for some coffee, where he found his mother already up, sitting at the kitchen table. James said nothing and went to the coffeepot to pour a mug. It was too early for an argument or to discuss the things they needed to talk about. “Holly’s wedding is today,” he began. “Let’s just concentrate on that.”
His mother didn’t reply, and James took her silence for agreement, leaving the kitchen to sit in the living room alone. Everything was a mess, but he had to concentrate on what had to happen today, and one of those things was to figure out an officiant. James set down his mug and quietly returned to the bedroom where he couldn’t help himself and watched Daniel sleep for a few minutes, then got his laptop and exited the room, closing the door as silently as he could.
When James returned to the living room, he found his mother sitting on the sofa, apparently waiting for him. “I think we need to clear the air now.” Her lips were thin and her eyes hard. “Was that little display last night for my benefit? It was clear enough what the two of you were doing.”
“Oh please, Mother. Are you upset about what we were doing or the fact that you obviously weren’t?” James regretted the comment as soon as it crossed his lips. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.” He still had to stifle his smile.
“I’ll say it was.” She pursed her lips. “I won’t have that kind of behavior in my house. I want...”
James groaned. “For god’s sake, Mother. I’m twenty-eight years old, not twelve. Give it a rest. I’m tired of fighting with you about things that are none of your business. You don’t get to run my life or Holly’s any longer. Margot is going to be attending college soon and then she’s going to be gone. All of your children are adults, or very nearly so, and we’ll decide the course of our lives without you or your interference. Holly will be married today, and she and Howard will build their own lives together. I’m going back to Chicago tomorrow, and I’ll return to the life I have there.” He lowered his voice. “Do you want to be part of our lives going forward or not?”
She sat back and gasped. “Of course I do. I love my children and I want them to lead good, productive, happy lives. And I fail to see how you being...with Daniel...the way you obviously are...is going to make you happy. That lifestyle isn’t healthy and is only going to lead to misery. I know it in my heart. You have to fight this. Just because you were born gay...which I don’t believe... Well, even if it is true, you don’t have to act on those feelings. You should pray to God to give you strength and keep you from temptation.”
“No,” James said flatly.
His mother clearly hadn’t been expecting that response. “What do you mean no?” She set down her mug, glaring at James as though he had just crapped on the sofa.
“Just what I said. No. I’m going to live my life the way I see fit. And just so you know, Mother, you’re the one who’s wrong. Why should I deny who I am because it makes you feel better? I am who I am, and I’m going to celebrate that and live my life in order to be happy. I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not. I’ve done that for years, and it sucks. I can’t do it any longer. Part of me was ready to curl up and die, and I won’t go back there.”
“But...”
James leaned forward and took both her hands in his. “You’re my mother, and I love you, and your only job is to love me back and accept me for who I am. That’s all there is. Don’t judge me, don’t try to change me, just show me the loving mother you’ve always been.”
She pulled a hand away and dabbed her eyes. “Of course I love you. But you were never like this before this Daniel person.”
“Yes, I was. I just didn’t tell you. I have a different life in Chicago, one where I can be the person I really am. And Daniel is the best person I’ve ever met. He’s kind, thoughtful, and selfless, but also funny with a great sense of humor.” James sighed. “Daniel makes me laugh and he makes me happy.”
“That’s false happiness, just like all of this is. You can only be truly happy if you live a normal life. Not this.” She pointed down toward the hall with her hand. “That will only lead you down the wrong path.”
James stood. “It’s my path to choose, and I will take the one I want. You don’t get to choose it for me, not anymore. Your expectations are a fiction, your own illusion so you can try to dictate what is out of your control. My life is my own, and if you can’t understand that I’m gay and that I will never marry a woman, then so be it. I won’t do that to myself or to someone else. My parents taught me to be honest and to live a good life. For me, it means being true to who I am, regardless of whether you agree or not.”
“Daniel needs to go,” she countered, her eyes as dark as night.
“Fine. But if he goes, then I do too. We’ll pack up and go to a hotel. But understand, there won’t be any more visits on holidays or any other time. I’ll see and talk to Holly and Margot, but not you. If they wish, they will be part of my life, but you won’t. Not anymore.” It was James’s turn to be harsh, to explain to her the way things were going to have to be.
His mother stood, stepping closer to him. “You’d give up your family, your parents, for this lifestyle, this Daniel person?”
James nodded. “I love him, Mother. It’s that simple. I love Daniel Bonafonte, and if he’ll have me with all the stupid things I’ve done, by god, I will follow him to the ends of the earth. I’ll stand beside him, proudly, and introduce him as my boyfriend.”
“But he dresses as a woman!”
“Those are just clothes, the trappings on the outside. I don’t care if Daniel wears men’s jeans and a T-shirt, a cocktail dress, or one of his theatrical gowns with enough sequins to blind half of Chicago. I love the man under the glitz, gowns, glamour, makeup, and fake tits. I will be proud of who he is because Daniel is the most wonderful person I know. But you don’t know him at all, and yet you’re willing to pass judgment.” It hit James hard that he had done the same thing.
“But a person like that...isn’t a real man. How can you...?” Her mouth was moving, but no more words came out.
“Daniel is more of a man than most of the guys I have ever met. He knows who he is, and the rest of us can be damned if we can’t accept that.” He sat back down and waited for his mom to do the same. Maybe it was time to really talk to one another instead of talking at each other. “I didn’t see that at first either. I just needed a date for the wedding to make you happy. But Daniel is so much more than I expected. My world has shifted, and it’s because of him. Mom, he showed me the path to myself. I know that’s hard to understand, but he did.”