He gulped around the clot of pain in his throat. “Thank you for letting me stay with you, Aunt Linda.”
Then he turned and jumped into his car where it was parked on the street. The old engine roared to life when he turned the key. It’d been his mother’s. The one thing he still had. The cloth seats were ripped, and the windshield was cracked, but he swore he could still feel the pulse of her hands where she’d held onto the steering wheel.
Through his bleary sight, he drove, winding through the darkness.
Aimlessly.
He shouldn’t have been surprised when he ended up in front of the simple white two-story house.
The paint was peeling and cracked, and the flowers in the planters on the porch had wilted.
A vacancy echoed from the blackened windows, so stark and gutting he felt it howl through his being.
A For Sale sign swung in the breeze, and a sold sticker had been placed on the top left corner of it.
He ground his teeth and squeezed his eyes, but the pain didn’t go away.
He took to the road again, driving through the night, and he ended up at the same house where he’d been last week. The place he’d sworn he was never going to return to.
If she knew, his mom would beat her fists on his chest. Scream at him that he was being a fool. Promise him that he had more to offer and there was so much more to this life. Beg him to make her proud.
But he couldn’t hear her voice anymore.
Guilt pulled through his consciousness, a sickness in his stomach as he took the path to the door. He knew he shouldn’t go inside.
Knew it.
But he didn’t want to fucking hurt anymore.
So he walked in like he belonged, and he did three lines then fucked some girl named Amelia against the wall in the hallway.
And right then, he didn’t feel so bad.
The pain wasn’t so great.
And when he went back into the living room to do some more, this dude named Dare told him not to worry about the money. That he had his back.
It wasn’t a biggie.
Ryder should have listened to the warning that went off deep in the recesses of his mind when the guy said all he asked was that Ryder do him one favor. But Amelia sat on his lap and kissed him.
He fell into the distraction.
Lost himself.
He’d just had no clue how far that spiral was going to go.
TWENTY-FIVE
DAKOTA
My stomach twisted as I wrote today’s dessert special on the board out front.
Midnight Temptation.
Maybe I’d been inspired when I’d come into the café this morning, or maybe I’d just needed something to do with my shaking hands, and I’d gone straight into the kitchen where I’d thrown myself into a new recipe. A concoction of dark chocolate and sweet cream swirled together in a decadent, flourless cake. It was served with a scoop of strawberry gelato since it was the closest color to the pink dress that I’d worn last night.
It was so rich that I was serving it as a smaller wedged slice, sure it could be consumed only in tiny amounts without the risk of becoming addicted.
At least I’d already felt that way when I’d awoken with boulders sitting in my stomach, a landslide of need crashing over me when my thoughts had immediately returned to last night. It was mixed with a tumble of worry and fear.
But I’d climbed out of bed resolved. Losing Ryder was not an option I could entertain, whether we went back to friends or decided to see where this went. Either way, we were going to have to suck it up and figure this thing out like adults.
It hadn’t felt as easy as that, though, when I’d emerged from my room at five-thirty and he was already gone.
Anger had pulsed.
I wasn’t about to stand for letting Ryder be a coward.
I wouldn’t let him.
Wouldn’t let him just…disappear like he had before.
We might have crossed a line, but we’d crossed it together.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I screeched when a hand landed on my arm.
I whirled around.
Paisley cracked up, pressing a hand over her mouth to try to stop the cackling that had everyone in the shop shifting their heads to see what the uproar was about.
“Oh my God, you should see your face right now.” She pointed at me.
I attempted to straighten myself out. Gather all the stampeding thoughts up before they ran too far out of control.
I resituated the skirt of my red and black floral dress. “What did you expect when you snuck up on me like that? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
“Um, it’s the light of day and there are fifty other people meandering around in here. But you were so lost in your thoughts I’m pretty sure you were here all by yourself. Or maybe you were with one special person…” She drew out the last.
Pure suggestion.
Heat flashed across my face before I could stop it.
Paisley’s eyes went wide. “Wait, what, did you?”
I couldn’t even speak she had me so flustered, my attention darting around to make sure no one could overhear.
When I didn’t answer, Paisley grabbed me by the wrist, and she pulled me through the store and down the hall that ran the side to the restrooms.
It was quieter back here, no one around, but she still kept her voice muted when she started to speak. “I came in here to see how your date went, and I completely expected you to tell me it was kind of lame and you were in bed by nine. I was not expecting your face to light up like a Christmas tree.”
“It did not light up like a Christmas tree.”
Okay, maybe. A Christmas tree that had completely gone up in flames.
“You are the liariest liar ever. You think I don’t see that blush. It’s covering every inch of you. Fess it up right now.”
A customer came out of the women’s restroom, and neither of us spoke until she’d made it to the end of the hall and out into the store.
Then Paisley squeezed my wrist again. “Did you and Brad totally hit it off? Tell me he was good and took care of my bestie. The guy has big hands, so I was thinking that maybe there was going to be something good for you underneath those dress pants. I told you I was looking out for you. I want every detail.”
Nerves rattled, and I bit down on my lip, my chest pressing full as I whispered, “Brad and I did not hit it off.”
Dinner was nice, like I’d told Ryder, but there’d been no real connection, and when he’d dropped me off at Ryder’s door, we’d both decided we’d be better off as friends.
Lines creased at the edges of her green eyes, and she angled in farther, attracted to the secret. “Well, something hit you off.”
A war went down inside me. I’d kept my feelings for Ryder a secret for so long that admitting them somehow felt like a betrayal, but I didn’t think I could physically keep the confession from Paisley.
Not after the way he’d made me feel.
I could still feel his touch burning through my senses.
I glanced down the hall before I returned my attention to her, voice so quiet I wasn’t sure she could even hear. “Something happened with Ryder last night. After I got back.”
“What?” She screeched it so loud I was pretty sure everyone clear out in the dining room had heard.
“Would you be quiet? I don’t need the whole town to know.”
“Right, right, sorry. But what do you expect me to do when you just hit me with that juicy detail from out of nowhere?”
“Well, it was definitely from out of nowhere.”
“What happened? I am dying right now, Dakota.” She flapped my arm all over.
I hesitated for a beat before I began to explain.
“I walked in on him the other night while he was…” I widened my eyes and tipped my head to the side twice, which I was pretty sure was the universal sign for masturbating.
“Oh my God, did you see his dick?” At least she kept that low enough that the entire restaurant didn’t hear.