“You don’t mean that.”
Elise confessed that the only reason she had even entertained lobbying to win a nomination was to honor Kitty. “She thought Drag On was my best performance yet. She’s no longer here to say congratulations if I do win, so who cares?”
Her mother looked pained to hear it. “I do. Your father and I do.”
“But it wasn’t acting Kitty cared about. She only cared because of who she really was and what it meant. What it would mean, right now, for people to know the truth. It wasn’t about winning.”
“What makes you think Kitty wanted her legacy reduced to a stereotype? She’ll be painted as the tragic mulatto. I’ll be the poor little rich girl with adoption issues, and you, my dear, will be given no credit at all for who you are and what you’ve become. They’ll say you don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve it, and Kitty didn’t deserve it because she lied, ignoring the fact—which is what they won’t want to hear—that she was forced to. Kitty isn’t special. Hers is just one American story; there are countless others just like it.”
“That’s what’s important.”
“They won’t understand.”
“We should try. She wanted us to.”
“She’s dead. She doesn’t have a say.”
Elise crossed her arms. “I don’t think she wanted you to have a say. But it’s not up to either one of us anymore. That’s what I came to tell you.” Elise came to her point, knowing Sarah would be upset she hadn’t led with it. “My Vogue photographer knows about Kitty—it’s the subject of his next book.”
Sarah tapped her taupe nails on the counter. “What does he think he knows?”
“That Kitty was Black, and you are her daughter.”
“There’s no way he can prove that. There’s a record of my death; it’s been documented in interviews.”
Sarah’s cheek twitched as Elise relayed what Jasper had told her. “Jasper’s grandfather saw it.”
“He’s dead.” Sarah waved her hand. “I think you can handle Jasper.”
“Mom, it’s his story too.”
“Give him another story, Elise. There are many sides to the truth.”
“But what if Kitty wanted people to know she was Black?”
“She would have told them herself. She wouldn’t have left it up to you, my dear.”
“But she kind of did. Kitty would have explicitly requested our silence had she wanted it. She waited to tell when she would have no control over the outcome. Why?”
“Because she was dramatic.”
“I thought you weren’t mad at her anymore?”
“I’m not mad at Kitty.” Sarah clenched her teeth. “I’m mad that she had no choice but to do what she did. I’m mad that her having no choice impacted me in the ways it has. Unleashing this story exposes the White roots that burrow, snake, and choke. I don’t want to be choked. Not a word to anyone.”
Elise left the room to avoid the fight scene she knew all too well, the one that would end with Sarah crying about how her children loved Kitty (and Nellie) more than her. Elise couldn’t speak for her sisters but, in that moment, she might have asked her mother to consider how she could possibly feel otherwise.
CHAPTER 42
Kitty
Spring 1969
The new normal in the Tate house made Sarah a topic of daily conversation. Nathan loved looking at her pictures, imagining the moments they never had as a family. Some of the secrets were gone, but the truth had been romanticized and glossed over with the threat of the law. They both wanted to live as close to the fantasy as their imaginations would allow.
Nathan was always looking for parts of himself in Sarah. So Kitty indulged him in details about their daughter’s personality, the funny things she did and said that couldn’t be ascertained from a photo, like how she hated foods with a skin. “Apples?”
“Nellie has to peel them.”
She liked to swim, and at four and a half was reading at a second-grade level. Nathan bought her boxes of books, which Kitty rationed to Nellie over several months. “She doesn’t want her spoiled.”
“I’ve been thinking,” he said one night as he pulled back the bedcovers for her to climb in. “How about we reformat Daisy Lawson for television?”
Kitty groaned. “Television is brutal … I’d rather just write it.” Kitty dotted on her eye cream.
“Remember, Daisy develops a close friendship with her neighbor, the nurse, and her daughter. If we cast Sarah as the neighbor’s daughter, would you do it?”
“An interracial show?”
“We could keep her close.”
Kitty touched his cheek. “Close to you, you mean.”
“I grew up on the lot. It only seems fair that my daughter should too. Maybe she has her mother’s talent.”
“Don’t call me that.” Kitty shrugged. “We can always get her acting lessons.”
“Talk to Nellie about it.”
“I will.” Kitty opened her face cream jar.
“She can never know we’re her parents,” Nathan said.
Kitty looked over at him. “When she’s old enough, Nellie and I decided we’d tell her.”
“No. No one can know. What if it gets out? We have a business—you are a business—and I’m not sure how the FBI or the world will adjust to finding out the truth about you.”
“The FBI—they aren’t concerned anymore. Besides, telling our daughter is different than telling the world.”
“Kitty, have you ever considered how she’ll feel, learning we let the world think she was dead because she was too dark?”
His rationale hit her like a dart. She panicked, reevaluating her original assumption that she’d be able to explain, and Sarah would someday understand, as she had come to understand her own mother’s reasons. It was love, but Nathan’s perspective made it ugly. “We don’t have to make those decisions for quite some time,” Kitty said. “She wouldn’t understand now.”
“She’ll never understand,” Nathan said. “That’s the thing about lies; you have to keep them alive.”
* * *
Kitty and Nathan’s largest conspiracy, beyond the resurrection of Telescope or dodging the FBI, was the crafting of their daughter’s future. Kitty’s loyalty shifted at last from her race and, for the first time, rested solely with Nathan. His knowledge of Sarah was their secret, one she would keep from everyone—especially Nellie, who she feared would feel threatened by it.
Nellie agreed to allow Sarah to join The Daisy Lawson Show but maintained control over Sarah’s school schedule. As the show’s writer and star, Kitty gave herself a lot of camera time with Sarah, so she could help her with her acting. Sarah often found her way to Kitty’s dressing room or onto her lap during rehearsals, and Kitty indulged in her affections in those moments, but off set she was physically distant, out of respect for Nellie. Kitty deferred to Nellie in all decisions unless it affected the show and, later, Sarah’s career.
The demands of the show had ended their private home visits, but quietly, and in plain sight, Kitty and Nellie coparented. Nellie controlled the day-to-day, while Kitty told Nathan which strings to pull, aiming to secure Sarah a career.
The Daisy Lawson Show became a hit, and the cast and crew became a family. Lucy was the makeup artist, and Nellie was there every day as Sarah’s chaperone. Nathan rarely came to set, inciting rumors that he didn’t expect or want the show to last because of its interracial nature. They let people think what they wanted. Anything was better than the truth.
Kitty knew he stayed away because of Sarah, fearing that if he got too close, he’d be unable to resist smothering her with a thousand kisses.