My whole other world.
The life I’ve built during my summer hiatus sits on the other side of that glass while I’m immersed back into my regular life. But now that family outside feels like my new normal while this, the chaos of a kitchen that I was so accustomed to before, feels like a space I don’t belong in anymore.
“Chef Montgomery,” a shoot assistant says, and it takes a moment to register that he’s speaking to me. I haven’t been called Chef in so long. It sounds odd when I hear it now.
He quiets his voice. “Can I just say that I am a huge fan of yours?” His eyes are wide and excited. “I’m in culinary school right now, but I volunteered today because I was hoping to meet you. The way you combine contemporary presentation and techniques with an experimental approach to ingredients is . . .” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Inspirational.”
“Thank you . . .”
“Eric.”
“Thank you for that, Eric.”
“No thank you, Chef. I don’t think there’s a person in the industry who isn’t waiting on bated breath for your return to the kitchen.”
God, I’ve been so out of touch with that world these past couple of months, I almost forgot what it was like to be spoken to this way. To be treated as if I were some sort of celebrity.
It doesn’t feel right while I’m holding Max’s things in my hands.
Eric might not be able to think of a single person who isn’t excited for my return, but I can.
Me.
“My name is Miller,” I tell him. “Just call me Miller.”
His brows furrow in confusion, and the poor kid opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. I doubt he’s ever been told by a chef not to call them by their title.
“Eric!” Sylvia calls out, circling her hand as if she were telling him to wrap it up. “Chef Montgomery, we need you ready in ten.”
“I have to get back to work, but it was an honor, Che—Miller.”
I offer him a placating smile and when he moves out of the way, my view of the backyard returns, only this time Kai is looking right back at me from his seat on the grass.
You okay? he mouths.
I shrug because honestly, I have no idea how to answer that. And without saying anything, I turn on my heel and head down the hall to his room.
The same room I now consider mine until I leave.
As of earlier this week, every night is spent here in this bed with Kai. Every rule either of us put into place has since been thrown out the window, other than our expiration date, and each day that passes with my walls down, defenseless, I can sense him seeping in, taking over my every thought, my every action.
Where he is, I want to be, but each passing moment feels as if there were a giant countdown plastered on the wall, constantly reminding us that our time is up soon.
And today . . . today is the biggest reminder yet.
Closing Kai’s door behind me, I place the plate and sippy cups on his mattress, not really knowing where else to put them, but not wanting anyone out there touching Max’s things.
I couldn’t tell you why I’m acting like this. Today is just about taking photos. I still have another few days until I have to be fully back in work mode again, to put on the armor that’s necessary to survive in the restaurant industry.
It just doesn’t seem right to let even a second of that part of my life touch this one.
As I stand in front of the mirror, parting my hair down the middle and brushing it back slick to my scalp, the door opens. And only a few seconds later, Kai overtakes the bathroom doorway behind me, looking at me through the mirror.
“Hi, Mills.”
I secure my hair the way I always wear it in the kitchen, polished and controlled. “Hi.”
Kai keeps his attention on me through the reflection. I watch as his eyes trail my hair that’s in a style he’s never seen. He watches me remove my septum ring and place it on the bathroom counter.
“I look different, I know.”
“Just a little different from the girl who was double fisting beers on an early morning elevator ride.”
My chest rumbles in a silent laugh, thankful he was able to pull one out of me.
“What’s wrong?” Kai asks, because of course he would know something was wrong with me on the inside even when I’m laughing on the outside.
I shake my head to tell him nothing. This man just gave up his entire home to help me. He’s spent so much time and effort supporting me this summer.
“This is wild,” he says. “To see this part of your life. It’s impressive, but also intimidating.”
My eyes flick to him, a smirk on my lips. “You’re intimidated by me, Malakai?”
“I’ve always been intimidated by you. By how free you are. How brave and confident you are in your own skin. So why do you look so unsure out there?”
My smile drops.
It’s a great question. I’ve been confident in my career for years. I’ve worked hard to be the best, so why am I thrown off by a few pictures?
“It doesn’t feel right doing this here,” I tell him honestly.
His face morphs in confusion. “Why?”
Why? Because since leaving at eighteen, I never had a place to call home and while this stay is just as temporary as the others have been, this home feels important to protect.
I spin to face him, gesturing towards the bed. “They were going to put Max’s things on the ground. You and I are constantly washing his dishes, his clothes, and they were going to put them on the ground to get them out of the way. Who does that?”
Kai chuckles. “People who don’t want sippy cups in the background of their cover shot for a magazine that caters to a luxury lifestyle. I don’t know, just a guess.”
This time I don’t laugh because I’m too in my head.
“Mills, come here,” he breathes, taking a single step into the bathroom. He crowds me with his tall body, taking me in a comforting hug, and with a single hand he brackets my cheek, tilting my chin up for his mouth to meet mine.
It’s unexpected but needed as both my body and my nerves melt into his touch.
Kai’s tongue slides against the seam of my lips and I open for him, letting him take control. It’s centering and calming in a way only he is for me.
My favorite thing about this man is how stable, how constant he is. He takes on responsibilities others don’t have the strength to handle, including settling me in this moment. I somehow need to figure out how to steal some of his resilience for myself so I can take it when I go.
Kai finishes with a simple press of his lips against mine before pulling away.
“Thank you,” I breathe.
“I’m so impressed by you, Miller. And proud of you.” He chuckles, his forehead falling to mine. “I don’t know if that’s weird to say.”
“Not weird.” I shake my head. “Just what I needed to hear.”
Kai has been adamant about me going back to work, encouraging me to do so, and helping me as best he can. There’s a part of me that wishes he would ask me to stay, to continue whatever we’ve been doing for the last two months, but most of me is glad he hasn’t. It would only hurt him in the long run, to open himself to asking for more because, at the end of the day, I don’t have a choice. I have to go back.
I can sense him about to ask again, wondering what’s wrong with me today, but thankfully, a knock sounds at the bedroom door before he can. “Chef, we’re ready for you.”
We separate as I turn back towards the mirror, sliding my hands over my hair to smooth it down, and Kai comes back into the bathroom holding my chef’s coat, perfectly pressed by one of the shoot assistants.
I haven’t worn that coat in months, and the only reason I feel okay putting it on again is because Kai is the one holding it open behind me, allowing me to slide my arms through.