“Too much,” I say with a sniff. “Way too much.” I wipe at my tears. “I wish I’d never agreed to any of this. I wish I’d called his bluff. I wish I’d never gotten involved, because now I feel more broken than ever, rather than put together.”
Kelsey brushes her hand over my head, which brings back the tears. What I said to Huxley about Angela wasn’t wrong. Her betrayal cut me deeply, even though she was simply acting according to her character. She’s a spineless, manipulative liar. But I had trusted in Huxley’s character. His determined, intense nature. Unrelenting, yet decent. Now I should be wondering how I could fall in love with someone who paid people to lie for him. Who wrote contracts to cover up his barefaced fiction, because his business meant everything to him. There’s something very wrong with me that I could look past that. That was our foundation.
And yet, my heart and soul feel destroyed.
Sniffling against her shoulder, I ask, “Why did he have to break me, Kels?”
“I don’t know,” she says quietly. “But you need to remember just how resilient you are.”
“Not this time,” I say as I wipe at my cheek. “I don’t think bouncing back from this will be easy. Not in the slightest.”
The gurgling sound of Kelsey’s coffeemaker wakes me up from my spot on the ground. Just from an attempt at opening my eyes, I know they’re puffy from all the crying I did last night. And the ache in my back is from the lovely mattress of pillows I attempted to sleep on as well.
“Did my coffee wake you?” Kelsey asks from the kitchen.
“Yeah,” I answer, my voice sounding as if I smoked an entire case of cigarettes last night. “But I should get up.”
Knock. Knock.
“Was that your door?” I ask her.
“I think so,” she replies before going to the door to answer it. When she props it open, I hear her ask, “Huxley, what are you doing here?”
Crap.
“I was hoping to talk to Lottie.” I glance behind me and make eye contact with him. When he takes in my appearance, concern quickly washes over his face. “Baby, please, can I talk to you?”
“Uh, you know, I really need to get in the shower,” Kelsey says. “And I don’t know how to handle awkward situations. I want to be a good sister, but I also can’t handle it when guys do that whole puppy-dog-eye thing, and he looks so pathetic, so basically, I’m just going to bolt.”
And she does just that.
She takes off running to the bathroom, shuts the door, and turns on the shower.
When I hear the door click shut, I know Huxley has stepped into the apartment, but I refuse to look up at him, not when my eyes are starting to water all over again.
I don’t want to see him, I still feel too raw, but he has other plans.
He kneels down next to me and places his hand on my cheek. When our eyes meet, his are not only bloodshot but also heavy with concern. But is he concerned about his career, his business, or is he concerned about me?
“You slept on the floor last night?”
“There are pillows underneath me.” Which happened to shift when I shifted, leaving me partially on the floor, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“Lottie, I’m sorry.” His voice is tight. “I know what I did last night was inexcusable. I should never have treated you the way I did, and I’m ashamed.” He swallows hard. “I’m just really fucking scared I fucked over my brothers. I took my fears out on you rather than leaning on you.” His thumb brushes over my cheek. “And I’m sorry.” He picks up a bag from his side and sets it closer to me. “I wasn’t sure if you had any clothes or overnight things here, but I thought I’d bring you some of your things.” That’s annoyingly thoughtful. “I have to get to the office to do some damage control, but I wanted to see you first. Can we have dinner tonight?” When I don’t say anything, he says, “Please, Lottie.”
I slowly nod as a tear slips down my cheek.
He growls in frustration and wipes it away for me.
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He stands and makes his way to the door. “I’ll text you the details.”
All I do is nod.
Once he’s out of the apartment, I unzip the bag he packed for me, and right on top is a printed picture of me and him at the Fleetwood Mac concert. He has his arm around me possessively, his hand tucked into the front of my pocket, and I’m leaning against his broad chest, with one arm up, my hand gripping the back of his neck.
I remember taking this and the exact feeling I felt while taking it. I was completely overjoyed.
Now, I’d give anything to feel that feeling again. Instead, all I feel is . . . empty.
Chapter Twenty-Two
HUXLEY
“What are you going to say to him?” Breaker asks while pacing the length of my office.
“I’m just going to come out with it. Ask him point-blank if he knew. What’s the use of beating around the bush?”
JP bounces his legs up and down as he perches in one of the chairs in the sitting area of my office. “I think being direct is key. I believe he’d appreciate that more.”
“I think so too,” Breaker adds. “Are you going to pass it off as a funny thing you did? Or take it seriously?”
“Seriously,” I answer as my mind switches over to Lottie.
Seeing her lying on the goddamn floor, tears streaming from her eyes, is fucking gnawing at my stomach. Eating away at me with every breath I take. Instead of staying with me, she thought it would be better if she stayed at her sister’s, where she had to sleep on the floor. That’s how much she didn’t want to be around me. That’s how much I should be ashamed. My girl would rather sleep on the floor than share a bed with me. Or even in a bed across the hall from me.
“I think if I go in with a serious tone, explain everything rather than joke around about it, then I’m going to save my ass.”
“Smart approach,” Breaker says and then lets out a deep breath. “Fuck, I hope he hasn’t said much to anyone.”
“I still don’t get how he knows,” JP says. “How did they find out? We haven’t said a goddamn word to anyone, and everyone else has an NDA.” JP scratches his head. “Do you think it was Kelsey?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Did Lottie seem happy to see you this morning?” JP winces.
After Lottie took off yesterday, I sent a text to my brothers, telling them it wasn’t Lottie, and then went into detail about how I fucked up everything with her. I blamed them, they blamed me. I took responsibility because, let’s be honest, this entire mess is my fault. Because I have some sick drive to prove—to prove what? That I can secure a deal? What’s the point of securing a deal if, in the end, I hurt the people who matter the most to me?
I hurt my brothers.
And I hurt Lottie.
No deal is bigger than that.
“No,” I say, remembering the grief-stricken look on her face. “She didn’t even say much.”
“Did you apologize?” JP asks.
“Of course I fucking apologized. Do you think I just went over there for the hell of it?”
“I’m just checking,” JP says in a defensive tone. “You’ve screwed up a lot lately. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t screw that up too.”
“Oh no, I did. I fucked that up big time. The only thing I have going for me is that she said she’d have dinner with me tonight.”
“Oh shit, really?” Breaker asks. “What are you going to do?”
“Beg for her forgiveness. What else is there to do?”
“Prove to her how sorry you are.”
“And how would I do that?” I ask.
Breaker shrugs. “Hell if I know. It’s why I’m not in a relationship. I don’t know how to handle women.”
“I don’t think that’s the reason,” JP says. “You’re just an idiot.”
“Says the guy who’s not in a relationship either,” Breaker says.
“By choice,” JP shoots back. “If I wanted to be in a relationship, then I would be.”
“Uh-huh.” Breaker eyes him up and down. “And how’s that flirting going with Kelsey, by the way?”
“Fine. If I turned it up a notch, she’d be all over me.”
Breaker scoffs. “Yeah . . . all over you.” He rolls his eyes, and I’m about to snap at my brothers when Karla comes into my office.