A Fire in the Flesh (Flesh and Fire, #3)

“Basically.”

I closed my eyes as a shudder rocked me. Trapped. I thought I knew what that felt like, and I did. But I couldn’t imagine what it must be like for Sotoria.

“That bothers you.”

Opening my eyes, I found Attes’s gaze on me. “Of course, it does. I can’t even let myself really think about it without freaking out,” I admitted. “I don’t want that for her.”

“Neither do I.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “And it also means that when you die, Sotoria’s soul dies with you.”

“Well, I figured that, but wouldn’t that be the case if her soul were simply reborn or whatever, too?”

“If Sotoria’s soul was reborn, you would be her. She would be you. And when you died, your soul would move on. But that is not what happened here. Her soul is in you, so when you leave the mortal coil, she will be trapped in your body until her soul is destroyed, and then she will continue in this…state. Unable to move on. Unable to live or die.” His eyes closed. “She would just be.”

My lips parted in horror. I could practically hear the wailing often heard in the Dark Elms. “She would be like a spirit?”

“Worse. She would become lost.” He came forward again. “Does anyone else know this?”

“No.”

“Not even Nyktos?”

“I…I don’t think so. He’s always made a point of telling me that I am Seraphena, but how would he have any way of knowing?”

“He would if he looked,” Attes said. “He is, after all, a Primal of Death, retaining the abilities lost to Kolis. He can see souls, but I’m not even sure he would understand what he saw if he got the impression of two souls.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. Had Ash looked? I didn’t know. “But Kolis said he held on to my soul, keeping it inside me until he took me to the Triton Isles. Wouldn’t he have felt two?”

“I’m surprised he could even do that. So, it’s doubtful he knew exactly what he held. He could’ve grabbed her soul, which kept you alive. It’s anyone’s guess. Either way, do you understand what all of this means?”

My earlier unease multiplied, forming knots in my chest. “Based on your tone? Apparently, not.”

“Sotoria’s soul is in you, but you’re not her.” Attes’s gaze met mine. “And even if Kolis never realizes that, it means you’re not the weapon Eythos believed he created.”





CHAPTER ELEVEN





You’re not the weapon…

I staggered back, bumping into the divan. Attes couldn’t be insinuating what I thought he was. “I’m still able to fulfill my duty.”

“Maybe,” Attes replied, eather pulsing in his stare. “But you’re not her, and we have no way of knowing if that matters. If I had to go off my gut feeling? It does. Which means you won’t be able to kill him.”

I sank onto the plush divan, my head shaking in fierce denial. Attes’s words pelted me like stones thrown against a fortress of adamant refusal instead of providing respite.

I felt no solace.

And shouldn’t there be? I didn’t want to do what it would take to fulfill my destiny. I should be celebrating this news, but there was no relief.

How could there be when it meant I’d never been able to save my kingdom? Everything I’d suffered and given up, all the sacrifices I’d made throughout my life for a kingdom that didn’t even know me. Not to mention the choices my family faced. They were all for nothing. All those years of grueling training and pushing my body and mind to the brink of collapse meant nothing. There’d been no need for me to learn what it felt like to be so godsdamn empty, what it took to be so, and what it stole.

Accepting that truth was unbearable, intolerable. It meant my life, my entire existence, had been a lie.

No.

I couldn’t accept that I wouldn’t be able to stop Kolis if I failed to escape. That he would survive, continuing to hurt Ash and others. There would be more favorites, and Sotoria…good gods, she would be trapped once I died. That was inevitable. I would not allow others to die to keep me alive.

No.

Attes’s gut instinct had to be wrong. Wouldn’t the Fates have known this? Holland? And if so, why had he spent so many years training me? Why did it matter if Kolis believed the one thrusting a blade through his heart was the one he loved? Perhaps it didn’t.

Because there was no way that everything I had given up—everything Eythos and Kolis caused—was for nothing. That it was all fucking pointless.

“You have to be wrong.” My shoulders squared. “You have to be.”

“I hope I am.” The Primal’s gaze was now focused somewhere above me, his fingers curled at the base of his throat.

“Nothing has changed,” I told him.

“Except if you attempt to kill him, and it doesn’t work?” His chin lowered. “What do you think he will do to you?”

“What he’s already done,” I said. “I stabbed him earlier. I missed his heart by an inch, and I’m still alive.”

Attes blinked.

“He was angry,” I amended, flattening my palms against my knees. “But he didn’t kill me. Obviously.”

The Primal stared at me for several moments. “You managed to stab him?”

“Yeah.”

“With what kind of weapon?”

“Not one made of the bones of an Ancient,” I muttered. “Shadowstone.”

His eyes widened. “And that pierced his skin?”

I nodded. “He healed up pretty quickly.”

“Shit,” he whispered, surprise evident in his tone. “He’s weaker than I thought. Even with the embers he stole long since faded, he’s still the oldest Primal. Shadowstone shouldn’t have pierced his skin.”

“Well, that’s a good thing, right?”

“It’s an interesting thing,” he corrected. “If he hadn’t healed immediately, that would’ve been a good thing.”

I started to frown.

“It just means the playing field may have been leveled a little,” he added. “But just because he didn’t end up killing you before, doesn’t mean he won’t do it later. And if you die? And her soul is lost—”

“Yes, I get it. Her soul is the most important thing,” I snapped. “She dies, everything is lost.”

Attes’s head tilted. A moment passed. “You matter, too.”

A bitter laugh left me, even as my cheeks warmed with embarrassment. “You don’t need to lie.”

“I’m not.”

Irritation rose. I knew better, which left me even more frustrated. I should be used to that by now. But also? Her soul was important. “So, what are you saying? I shouldn’t attempt to kill him?”

“I don’t think it’s worth the risk,” he shared.

“Then what am I supposed to do?” I demanded. “Nothing?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. Kolis doesn’t know the truth, and that means you’re still his weakness. You can use that to our benefit.”

“Our benefit?” Tension returned as I curled my fingers into my gown. “Funny choice of words.”

Attes ignored that. “Nyktos needs to be freed as soon as possible if there is any hope of preventing the kind of war Kolis spoke of,” he warned. “And we’re already racing toward it. I can sense it.” His eyes searched mine. “You can change that, at least.”

“I know.” I straightened my fingers. “I have a plan.”