A Fire in the Flesh (Flesh and Fire, #3)

“No!” he shouted…or whispered. I thought of how he’d said that before he’d bitten me.

I thought about how he’d refused to listen when I told him I wanted him to really live, the after he’d spoken of, and how he’d said he would give me more. When he spoke to me in the cavern. I thought of all he hadn’t said. He’d never said he planned to take the embers—not to me. Not to Keella or Attes.

I went over everything he had said since we were reunited, and even before Kolis held me.

I will not let you die.

Ash had never planned to take the embers.

“I’m not letting you go,” he said. “I’m going to Ascend you.”

I felt another tripping motion in my chest. “You…you can’t.”

The laugh that came from him was dark and endless. “Yes, I fucking can.”

“It won’t…work,” I reasoned.

Eather whirled in his eyes. “I’m a fucking Primal of Death. My blood is that of the Ancients, so we don’t know that for sure. No one does. I don’t care what Delfai or the Arae claimed. Fuck them. I’m going to try.”

As his words sank in, I felt a spark of hope, but it was fleeting. When Kolis spoke of doing the same, I’d known it wouldn’t work. And even if it did… “What…will I become?”

“I don’t know. A demis? One of those Ascended Kolis creates?” But that…that wasn’t how the Ascended worked. They were third sons and daughters. Ash knew that. Another tremor shook him. “Or the Primal of Life.”

But that wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t.

“I don’t care what you become.” He lowered his wrist. “I don’t care, as long as you’re alive. As long as you don’t leave me. I don’t care. I want you however you come back to me.”

Gods, I believed him.

But it wouldn’t work.

Focusing on the embers, I latched on to them for strength. Faint energy buzzed through my veins, allowing me to lift my hand back to his chest, over his heart. “I love you.”

His eyes slammed shut. “Sera, be quiet and don’t fight me for once.”

“I love you so much, but you h-have to do this.”

“Shut up, Sera.” He turned his head to his wrist as a line of darkness raced down his cheek.

“Take the embers. You have to. Please.”

“Shut the fuck up, Sera!” he shouted, sending what birds remained in the elms into a frightened flight. “For the last time, I don’t care about the embers or the realms. They can burn.”

I shuddered, curling my fingers against his skin. “You don’t…mean that.”

His eyes opened and locked with mine. They were pools of still, endless silver. “I do.”

“What if I still die?” I held on to my waning strength, my chest feeling as if it squeezed tighter with every word. “The embers will die, and you won’t have me—”

“I know. It may not work. If it doesn’t, I will lose you and the embers. I’m willing to risk it and take that chance,” he said. Over his shoulder, I saw the water freeze on the rocks. “The lives of millions of mortals nor those of the gods do not surpass yours. The realms can rot into the Abyss and all life can cease.” Another streak slid down his other cheek, damp and the color of midnight crimson. “I don’t care, as long as you are beside me.”

Oh, gods.

Blood tears coursed down his face.

Ash cried. “I will take the souls of those lost upon my flesh. I will gladly usher in the end, and I will do it with you beside me,” he swore. “And if not? If I fail and lose you?” His voice cracked from the agony of his sorrow and remorse. My heart shattered. “The realms won’t survive, Sera.”

“Ash,” I pleaded, hating his pain. Loathing all the regret I heard in his voice.

“If I lose you, they’re already gone, as good as dead and rotted away.” His forehead pressed against mine. “Don’t you know that already? You do. Kolis was always right about me. He knew I would do far worse than what he could ever conceive. And I will. I will ruin the realms if I lose you. If you die, there is no hope for them—any of them…innocent or evil, god or mortal. I will destroy them all.”

Ash shuddered, then kissed me hard and quick, leaving my lips numb. “So don’t die.”

I stared at him as he drew his head back and lifted his wrist once more. A…a weak laugh left me. “Don’t die?”

“Yes. Exactly that. Don’t fucking die,” he repeated as if that were the simple fix. His eyes held mine. “Fuck the greater good, Sera.”

“Fuck the greater good,” I mumbled instead of screaming as I’d done before. The embers hummed throughout me. “Because we aren’t…”

“We aren’t good, liessa.”

“But you are.”

“Not without you,” he said. “Not without you.”

I saw his lips part. He tore into his wrist, ripping the skin open. Then I saw the shimmer of his blood coursing down his arm.

Shadows crept into my vision again, the stolen strength fading. As he brought his wrist down, I knew it would likely be the end of me—the end of the realms and the end of him. He would regret this. At some point, before it all ceased to exist, he would.

But his blood hit my lip, warm and tingling, igniting either the embers or instinct. My mouth opened. Sweet and smoky blood reached my tongue. There was no riot of sensations, no shock to the senses. I was too gone for that, but my body reacted on instinct. Or the embers did.

I swallowed.

His blood coursed down my throat, hot and thick as Ash pressed the gaping wound to my mouth. I drank.

I drank until my throat no longer worked. I swallowed until I could no longer feel his blood running down my throat. I…I felt nothing. Not warmth. Not coldness.

The strangest thing happened then. An unending tide of memories came at me in waves.

Me as a pale-haired child, staring at the painting of my father and finally understanding where my freckles had come from. My mother’s cold stare that used to cut so deeply and then only left me feeling nothing. But then I fell into a memory of when I was…nine or ten? It had been at night, after I’d spent the day training with Holland and eating my supper alone. I’d gone into the garden to sit near the silvery-green bushes with their purplish-blue spikes of flowers. I’d liked the way they smelled because…

They smelled of Momma.

A soft footstep against the gravel had me twisting around on the bench.

Momma walked alone under the glow of the hanging lanterns, her pale hair swept up in a twist Odetta could never force mine into.

I went completely still and as silent as a spirit, just as Sir Holland had taught me. Momma didn’t see me. She was too busy looking up at the sky, and I didn’t think I was supposed to draw her attention when we were outside of our lessons. She never seemed happy when I did.

Momma never seemed happy.

Not even after marrying King Ernald.

King Ernald seemed happy. He snuck me chocolates when he passed me in the halls.

Squeezing my legs together, I clamped my mouth shut so I didn’t breathe too loudly. I didn’t want to upset her. I wanted her to be proud of me. My chin lifted. I would make her proud, but I…I wanted her to see me. To talk with me like she did with Ezmeria and Tavius. She didn’t speak of duty to them. She talked about silly things like—