A Fire in the Flesh (Flesh and Fire, #3)

The tips of my fingers grazed the hard line of his jaw. “Most of all, I wanted to be valued, to be needed and cherished and wanted for who I was and not who I was supposed to be or what I could do for someone. I wanted to be seen.” A surge of emotion clogged my throat as the ground trembled once more. “You gave me all of that, Ash. I’ve lived because of you.”

A sound came from deep within Ash as if it tore itself free from the depths of his soul. “I will give you so much more.”

Before I could process what he’d said, his mouth closed over mine. Rocking back, he rose fluidly. He cradled me to his chest, the kiss deepening, parting my lips. His tongue stroked mine, and when he kissed like this, it overwhelmed me—his scent, taste, and the cool wetness of his mouth. Our lips moved hungrily as I grasped the back of his head, soaking in all the sensations. I didn’t want to forget where I was going.

I wouldn’t.

Sharp wind stirred around us. The sudden shock of cold water rushing over my feet was a jolt to my senses. Ash had entered the lake, gracefully descending the earthen steps of shadowstone, the water rising and lapping over my legs and then my waist. He kept kissing me, his mouth urgent and demanding as if he sought to lose himself in it as badly as I wanted to.

His mouth only left mine when the water reached my lower back and occasionally rippled against my shoulders. “Sera,” he gasped.

Calmed as I always was by the lake, my heart rate slowed. I reached up, pressing my palm to his cheek. His eyes were full of whipping silver coils of eather. “I love you, Ash.”

His chest rose sharply, and each breath he took was fast and hard.

“It’s time,” I whispered.

The eather slowed in his eyes. His chest stopped its rapid movements. He didn’t move, not even as the tremor beneath us came once more.

I cupped his jaw. “Please.”

One side of his lips curled up, revealing one sharp point as he snarled, “No.”

Then he struck.

He was so fast I had no time to feel the unease that had threatened to take over earlier when I’d felt the scrape of his fang.

The one word he’d spoken got lost in my cry as his fangs pierced the skin of my throat. Sharp agony reverberated through my body, but the pain didn’t last. What chased the sting away wasn’t exactly pleasure, it just didn’t hurt as his mouth latched on to my throat or maybe…maybe I couldn’t feel the pleasure.

Because I knew he found none.

Ash was trembling, but he wouldn’t drag this out. He wouldn’t do that to me.

His fingers moved against my hip, now under the water, in slow, soothing swipes that were in tune with the deep, drugging pulls at my vein. He drank fast, taking my blood into him, and I knew this was likely killing a part of him—something that would take a long time to come back.

Sliding my hand under his hair, I moved my fingers along his neck. I hoped it brought some sort of comfort as I opened my eyes.

Stars glimmered high above us, blanketing the sky with a dazzling array of twinkling lights. There were so many. Hundreds. Thousands. And the moon? It was so big, so bright.

Ash’s arm spasmed around me…or did I jerk? I wasn’t sure as I stared at the moon. The embers began thrumming throughout me, at first nothing more than a minor vibration, and then a frenzied dance.

It’s okay, I thought to myself, my hand sliding of its own accord to stop at his chest. My thoughts began wandering to what I hadn’t allowed myself to dwell on for too long.

Where was I going?

Ash wouldn’t be able to intervene. It would be up to the Arae, and I hoped they wouldn’t sentence me to the Abyss. But I had taken lives when my life hadn’t been in jeopardy. I’d killed bad people and those who happened to be enemies of my kingdom. Would I burn?

No, I reasoned. I would enter the Vale. Holland would ensure that. I had to believe it. But what would it be like? Even Ash couldn’t tell me. All I knew was that it was different for everyone. I didn’t understand how someone could see their loved ones if the paradise was individualized, but maybe we weren’t supposed to understand it.

I wondered who I’d see. Who I’d meet. My father? That would be nice. Would I see my old nursemaid? I’d like that, too.

Would I remember?

Ash? My family? Everything? Would I be at peace? I wasn’t sure how I could be if I remembered or if I forgot. Was that how spirits became…?

I sighed, losing track of my thoughts.

Dying didn’t hurt.

Ash made sure of that with the cool weightlessness of my lake and the now-slower, gentle tug of his mouth against my throat.

He drew my blood into him, and my warmth… I could feel it in his body. It started in his chest and then spread down his stomach. His arms, wrapped so tightly around me, were no longer cold. My blood was doing that, giving him life. And, gods, I was so grateful to feel that again and have the chance to remember the way his body felt when it was like this. And I would remember.

I would.

I would.

I concentrated on the feeling of Ash’s pounding heart beneath my palm. It grounded me. For a while.

But the edges of my vision started to darken—or they had been for a bit. It was another thing I wasn’t entirely sure of, but I felt my heart slowing, and the rushing water was no longer so loud. It sounded muted, far away. I couldn’t feel the quakes shaking the realm anymore.

But I did feel the realm slipping away as I fell into darkness.

My hand slipped again. I tried to keep it where I could feel his heart, but I was tired. Weak. My hand twitched and started to fall.

Ash caught my wrist. He didn’t stop feeding, but he took my hand in his, pressing my palm flat to his chest above his heart.

He knew.

Somehow, he knew.

I felt my lips curve upward. I felt him shake, but I knew I was smiling, even though I was dying. It was happening. After all this time, there was no escaping it, and despite being in Death’s arms, I smiled. I didn’t want to die. I wasn’t ready. It hadn’t magically become fair. I wanted to live. I wanted life more than I ever had, but I…

I felt the warmth of Ash’s skin and his mouth. I felt the strength of his heart beating beneath my palm and knew my blood now coursed through him. Ash would do more than live. He would Ascend, and he would rule as he always should have.

And I…I felt peace.

Not acceptance. Not submission. Just peace. A spasm went through my body, my heart stuttered, and the embers flared brightly in my chest—

Ash jerked his head back, his breathing still fast, hard. His features were blurred, but I saw how bright the eather was in his eyes as he stared down at me. And the embers…

They pulsed fiercely in my chest. He hadn’t…

“The embers,” I whispered, my tongue feeling thick and heavy.

“Fuck the embers.”

Confusion clouded my mind as he placed my hand on my lap, not letting it fall into the water. “Ash.” I tried to move but couldn’t seem to get my body to do as I needed it to. “What…what are you doing?”

“Sera, I need you to take my blood. I need you to feed from me.”

“What…?” My sluggish heart lurched as what he was doing—or not doing—broke through the fog of my peace. “No, Ash. No—”