That was the moment I’d realized that Thol was no longer a boy.
I’d tripped, falling flat on my face, and almost every boy in our village had seen. My eyes had burned, my cheeks had blazed, but it had been Thol who’d stopped training and helped me up. Thol who’d grinned down at me, all that smooth, pale skin on display.
The moment I’d seen him yesterday, I’d wanted nothing more than to step in front of him until he recognized me.
I’d wanted to tell him that, yes, I was corrupt, but it wasn’t my fault and the king was a filthy liar and there was more to life than training for the king’s armies and handing over our power like puppets.
“Let me guess. You’re desperately wishing you could walk into his arms and pretend you’re just a normal woman.”
I was. The moment I’d seen Thol, with his wide grin and those dimples, I’d longed for just a single moment to pretend.
“You wanted him because he was handsome, but most importantly, he was safe. You weren’t meant for a life of safety. A life of kisses on your cheek and mediocre fucking. A life of gossiping with villagers.”
My eyes burned. Lorian didn’t know what he was talking about. And what was the alternative? A life of hiding? Of fighting and killing and scheming?
The worst part was…he was right. At least about the way I’d felt— No. The way my body had reacted when Lorian claimed my mouth like it was made for him.
The touch of Thol’s hand had made me sigh.
Lorian’s kisses made me burn.
And I loathed that fact just as much as I craved him.
It was all a game for Lorian. A fun way for him to mess with me. To make my thighs clench, my core ache. Another way for him to make me hard and mean, just like him.
“Until you face up to the reality of your life, you will forever be a victim to it.”
I got out of the bath, and a knock sounded on the door. My heart pounded, but I couldn’t hear any male voices. And the guards wouldn’t have knocked.
Wrapping the bath sheet around myself, I stepped into the room. Daselis and Erea were speaking to Telean. Behind her, two more maids were carrying dresses, which they placed on my bed. Telean’s eyes met mine.
Within seconds, we were alone.
We watched each other for a long, awkward moment.
“You didn’t go to the guards,” I murmured. Was this the part where she demanded something from me in return for her silence?
Her brow creased. “You thought I would?”
“Well…yes.”
“I’m sorry. My reaction was to go somewhere quiet, where I could cry.”
I angled my head. “Cry? Why?”
She let out a shaky breath. “Because, you see, I knew your mother.”
For a wild moment, I thought she meant Mama. And then I understood. She meant my real mother. My skin turned clammy. “And how do you know who my mother is? We just met.”
“Those eyes, child. I once looked into eyes that exact color. And you look just like your mother—even with the dark hair.” She took a deep breath and met my gaze once more. “Your mother was my best friend. You called me aunt. She met me years before she knew your father, when she was looking for a seamstress she could trust to be honest with her. We became close, until we shared everything. And when it was time for children, she begged me stay on as your nanny.” She smiled, but her eyes were glistening. “Your real name is Nelayra.”
My stomach spiraled. Was this woman being truthful? What did she have to gain by lying? She already knew I wasn’t who I’d claimed to be, and she could have taken that information to the guards at any moment.
Someone my birth mother had considered close enough to call sister. Someone I’d called aunt. A member of my family who was still alive. Maybe she could even tell me about my mother. About my father. Had I had siblings? I forced myself to dampen the hope that had sparked in my chest.
I couldn’t afford to make a mistake here. Couldn’t afford to trust blindly. As much as I longed for her to be telling me the truth, I needed more.
“How do I know you’re not lying?”
The hint of a smile curved her mouth. “So suspicious. I bet you have time magic, just like your mother.” I jolted, and she merely sighed, picking up one of the dresses. “We may as well get this done while I tell you what you need to know.”
I didn’t pay attention to anything about the dress as she helped me slip it on. A member of my family. Would she remember what my father sounded like when he laughed? Had my parents been happy together? Where did we live? I was so lost in my thoughts, I almost missed when she began speaking.
“Long before you were born, our people lived in Crawyth.”
I went still. “Crawyth?” That was the city Vicer had mentioned in one of his notes to Tibris. The city that had once been a famed place of learning, until the fae king’s brutal brother had destroyed it, killing hundreds of thousands of people.
“We had a community there. Unlike in the rest of Eprotha, our people were welcome.” Her voice had turned wistful, her eyes distant.
I couldn’t even imagine it. “The…hybrids?”
She nodded, walking around me to tighten my dress. “The king rarely sent his own assessors, and ours had been paid off. Even our priestess was a hybrid. We lived in peace.”
“I lived there too?”
Telean took a step back, and our eyes met in the mirror. “That looks beautiful.”
I glanced at the lavender dress without much interest. “I lived in Crawyth?”
“Yes. With your parents. And your brother.”
I had another brother. My throat constricted until I had to fight to get my words out. “Where are they?”
“The night the fae came—the night the Bloodthirsty Prince destroyed our city, your mother walked into your room and found you gone, your brother lying unconscious on the floor of his room. You’d seen just three winters. At first, we assumed you had wandered away. You were a curious, precocious child.” Telean took a deep breath, her eyes haunted. “I can still hear your mother’s screams.”
The woman I’d thought was my real mother had caused that pain. It was difficult to imagine the woman whom I loved—the woman who’d died just weeks ago—hurting someone like that. Even if she insisted she had done it to save my life.
“Everyone began searching for you. I remember your brother and the way he cried, begging your father to find you. He’d seen just six winters himself, and he swore someone had come in and taken you. Eventually, one of the neighbors said she had seen Vuena entering through the side door. She was a seer, and most trusted her with access to their homes.” Telean’s expression tightened, her eyes glittering. To her, to my real family, Mama was the villain who had betrayed their trust, taking me from the people who’d loved me.
“Then what happened?” My lips were numb. Telean helped me remove the dress and reached for another one.