The Doll's House

‘Mum has her hair tied up because she’s hot. Debbie’s trying to copy it, putting her hair up in a bun like a tight ball, the way ballerinas wear it. Dad puts his hand on Mum’s tummy. She pushes it away. Dad says nothing. He looks angry and hurt at the same time.’


Debbie is whispering in my ear: ‘Your mum’s keeping another secret from your dad. Your mum has lots of secrets.’

‘What are you feeling, Clodagh?’

‘I’m sad. My little-girl self is sad. She wants to play happy families. Debbie is laughing, but it isn’t a nice laugh. It’s one of her evil ones.’

Sandy says, ‘If Clodagh wants to play happy families, then I do too. I love that game.’

I hear Gerard saying, ‘I’m listening, Clodagh. Remember that at all times you’re perfectly safe.’

‘Ben, the brown terrier, is barking. He nearly drops his black-and-white ball.’

Dad says, ‘Jimmy, it’s time to go home. We’ve had enough of your stories for one day.’

Mum says, ‘It’s about time you saw sense about that fool.’

‘Leave it,’ Dad says back.

‘Mum and Dad are not talking to one another any more, but neither of them can leave the doll’s house. In the doll’s house people have to live by the doll’s-house rules. Rules are important. I give Mum the pretend powder from the pretty dressing table in the upstairs bedroom, but she’s not happy.’

‘Powder your nose,’ my little-girl self is saying, ‘you know you love to powder your nose, Mum.’ But she doesn’t.

She says, ‘I don’t want to powder my nose, Clodagh.’

Dad says, ‘Leave her alone. It’s not Clodagh’s fault.’

I take the perfume and the small white hand mirror from the dressing table and ask Mum would she like them instead. She doesn’t look up. Sandy is sitting beside me. I love Sandy’s curly blonde hair and her blue eyes like the sea.

‘Debbie takes the perfume, powder and mirror. “Waste not, want not,” she says. “Her loss is my gain.” Gollywog looks shocked, but Golly always looks shocked.’

‘Keep going, Clodagh.’ I hear Gerard Hayden’s voice again.

‘Dad wants to be alone. He doesn’t say it, but I know it. I put him in the attic, lay him down flat. He’ll get some peace and quiet there. Mum doesn’t say anything once he’s gone, but it doesn’t feel like peace. It feels the opposite.’

I stop talking, and my face must look worried, because Gerard asks, ‘Is something wrong, Clodagh?’

‘It’s the ringing – I can hear ringing, and it won’t stop.’

‘Where is the ringing sound coming from?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘What’s making the ringing sound, Clodagh?’

‘It’s like a long buzz in my ear. The way an earache feels. It’s not nice. It reminds me of something rotten.’

‘Is it still there?’

‘Yes. It’s like a bluebottle thumping against a window, relentless. But this noise isn’t a bluebottle, it’s …’

‘What is it, Clodagh?’

‘It’s a doorbell. It’s the doorbell on the front door of the doll’s house. I’m not sure if I want to open the door.’

It’s then I hear Debbie scream, loud and ferocious. ‘OPEN THE DAMN DOOR, CLODAGH.’

‘What are you doing now, Clodagh?’ Gerard asks.

‘I’m going to open the door.’

‘Who is at the door, Clodagh?’ Gerard’s voice remains calm.

‘I don’t know. I’m opening the door, but all I can see is an empty space, black like the night. But something is making a shape. It’s a face, I think. The face is the size of the doorframe, but it’s blurred, the way mirrors at a funfair make big people small, and small people big.’

Mum says, ‘Shut the door, Clodagh, now.’

‘The blurred image is clearing. It’s a man’s face, tilted, large, like a giant looking through the small doorframe of my doll’s house. I don’t want him to see me. I don’t want him inside the doll’s house. He isn’t part of happy families.’

‘What do you feel, Clodagh?’

‘I want to close the door, but I’m afraid. I reach out and grab the handle. I worry that the man will do something, but he doesn’t. His face looks at me blankly.’

‘Did you not hear me, Clodagh? Close that bloody door.’ My mum is roaring, and Debbie is laughing behind her.

‘I shut the door, and the walls of the doll’s house start trembling. My little-girl self is crying. She picks up Sandy, telling her, “We don’t want to play this game any more.” I don’t want to play either.’

‘Clodagh, can you still hear me?’

‘Yes.’

‘Clodagh, this is important. Do you know who rang the doorbell?’

‘Yes, Gerard. I do.’





Harcourt Street Police Station