“No, you won’t.”
I shut my eyes and tears fall, but I appreciate his honesty.
“You’re going to be better.”
In shock, I look up at Caleb.
“It’ll be a long, hard road, I don’t deny that. But you can be better than you were before. I believe in you. You can do this. Everyone who loves you will be there every step of the way.”
It is a stunning thought, a thought that feels like sunlight. I made it out. I have another shot at life. And that life could be anything.
“I should get your parents. They want to talk to you so bad.”
A twinge of anxiety hits, but I nod.
“Thank you, Caleb.”
He bends down and kisses me on the forehead. “I love you, Ruth.”
“I love you, too. I’m so sorry I never said it before.”
Caleb gives my hand one last squeeze and leaves the room. I hear him break into a jog once he’s in the hallway. In the soft, safe peace of that dark hospital room, I am filled with gratitude that I’ve had the chance to tell Caleb I love him, that I have the chance to be better. There is hope for me.
Acknowledgments
Ben LeRoy, editor and professional awesome person, read this book when it was barely a book. He gave me the most useful notes I’ve ever received.
Debbie Vaughn, my cheerleader and coffee club buddy, believed in it from the start. Her enthusiasm meant the world and kept me going.
Danielle Stinson, who is a brilliant writer and a woman of strength and integrity, read it halfway through revisions. Her optimism gave me hope.
Tom Emmons, stand-up comedian and all-around creative genius, read it when I didn’t know whether it was done or not. His confidence gave me the courage to send it out into the world.
Mandy Hubbard, who embodies the Platonic ideal of the literary agent, embraced this book wholeheartedly. She gave me the experience I’d been working toward for fourteen years.
Simon Pulse is the best home a writer could hope for. From Annette Pollert, who bought this book, to Patrick Price, who took it under his wing, to Michael Strother, who made it his own, the entire team has been amazing.
Fred and Irene Adams taught me to follow my bliss when I was a child. It is the greatest gift they could have given me, and their faith in my ability has been my fuel. I am so fortunate to have them for my parents.
This book would not have been possible without Evan Flower.
About the Author
Carolyn Lee Adams is originally from the Seattle area, breeding ground of serial killers and those who write about them. She attended USC film school and graduated with a BFA in screenwriting. Ruthless is her debut novel. When she isn’t exploring the dark side of human nature in her writing, you’ll find her onstage as a stand-up comedian. Because those things go together.