‘And what was that, Ellie?’
‘The very thing that mattered most of all. When I walked that dirt track, the one at the back of the sand dunes, I felt Amy there with me, walking ahead, willing me to follow her, as if the past fifteen years hadn’t mattered. She called to me, Dr Ebbs. She was there, waiting for me. She always has been.
‘When the choice was mine to make, I thought of Amy and me, and not of him. Evil had visited the two of us. We had not asked for it or wanted it to enter our lives. When I looked at William Cronly, I understood. All the evil belonged to him, or whatever rotten life had made him who he was. It did not belong to Amy, or to me. The evil wasn’t part of us. I think, in the end, I decided there had already been far too much killing.’
‘So what now, Ellie?’
‘Have you ever been on a carousel, Dr Ebbs?’
‘Yes, Ellie, as a boy.’
‘It turns around and around for so long, you think it is never going to stop. The coloured lights can be blinding, its music playing over and over, until you feel almost part of it, as if the world beyond the carousel is a world you are no longer ready for, or belonged to.’
‘And are you ready now, Ellie?’
‘No, not quite, but I will be.’
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The creation of a novel is a journey which begins well before the first word is written and continues long after the last full stop. I owe a huge debt of thanks to many people who I have been lucky enough to meet along the way, and I will try to thank as many of them as possible here.
Firstly, I would like to thank the members of An Garda Síochána who assisted in the research for this novel, specifically, Tom Doyle of Rathfarnham Garda Station and Paul Smith, Bookman at Tallaght Garda Station and Incident Room, who helped me with a wide variety of questions regarding police procedure. Any inaccuracies within the manuscript are mine and not theirs.
The publication of this story would not have happened without the hard work and belief of a number of key people: Ger Nichol, my agent, who has been a trail blazer from the outset; the team at Hachette Books Ireland, especially Ciara Doorley, commissioning editor, and thanks also to Rachel Pierce, editor extraordinaire, who made the whole editorial process such a positively creative experience.
I returned to writing in 2006 after a twenty-year gap, taking small steps at first but learning and making great friends within the writing community. I would like to thank Eileen Casey, who facilitated my first creative-writing class, and who rekindled in me the wonder of the written word. Also, Dermot Bolger, who took myself and a small group of emerging writers from South County Dublin under his wing, helping each of us to follow this wonderful creative process. Shortly after returning to writing, I joined Lucan Creative Writers Group, and words cannot express the debt I owe to my fellow writers and lifelong friends within this group, people who I feel privileged to know, and who will always be close to my heart. I would like to say a particular thanks to the late Joan O’Flynn, a writer, a friend and a woman who made an enormous difference to my life.
My thanks to Vanessa O’Loughlin from Inkwell and Writing.ie, a wonderfully energetic lady who has stepped forward and channelled a vibrant, writing and reading community. Also thanks to the amazing team at the Irish Writers’ Centre, who do enormous work supporting writers within this fantastic writing sanctuary.
I would also like to thank Triona Walsh, who gave me the impetus necessary to take this brave step; Mary Lavelle, who kindly and diligently read the first draft of this manuscript, and Valerie Sirr, who suggested Palgrave’s Golden Treasury.
Social media has changed the way we communicate with each other and in the main I have found this to be a hugely positive experience, gaining many friends through Twitter, Blogger, Facebook and other media links. The list of people I have met, and who have helped me along the way, is far too extensive to mention individually here, but you know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks to all my friends, writers and non-writers, for believing in me and being such a support throughout this wonderful experience. My deepest and heartfelt thanks to my family, especially my husband, Robert, to whom this book is dedicated, my wonderful daughters, Jennifer and Lorraine, and my equally wonderful son, Graham, and a very special thanks to my beautiful first grandchild, Caitriona, who waited patiently in the wings while the last edits to this manuscript were put in place.