‘Shush now, no need to get upset. I need time to think a little. Why don’t you go for a nap like a good girl?’
‘I don’t want to. I want to go back.’
‘It’s not all about what you want, Gabriel. Close your eyes, that’s the girl. Everything is going to be just fine.’
He noticed saliva dripping down one side of her mouth, just like his own mother. It wasn’t fair, she was being a selfish bitch. The woman was blind to what she was doing to poor Kate. Standing behind the wheelchair, he moved his fingers through her thin hair, the pink of her grained scalp more obvious now. She hadn’t expected him to yank her by it, there was barely enough for him to get a decent hold.
‘Ahhh, you’re hurting me.’
‘It’s supposed to hurt, Gabriel.’
‘Please, please. I don’t know who you are. Please take me back.’
‘Now, now, Gabriel. Not so loud. Nobody can hear you here, so less snivelling, please. It’s not very ladylike, now, is it?’
Putting his hand over her mouth, he listened as the trees swayed, the breeze getting stronger all the time. In the distance, he heard the hum of traffic and within it, the faint sound of the birds.
‘You are a disappointment, Gabriel, a distraction for Kate. You understand that, don’t you? I need to take care of you. While you’re here, she can’t be free. She doesn’t know it, of course. Just like Kate, I had to mind my mother. But was she grateful? It took me a while to understand just how selfish she was. Are you listening to me, Gabriel?’
He took his hand away from her mouth.
‘Please, I don’t know who you are. I want to go back. I’m cold, I need to go back.’
‘Cold, are you? Thinking of yourself again? It’s always about you, isn’t it? It’s not right. Yes, my mother was the same, utterly selfish. You only know these things afterwards, of course. Afterwards, everything becomes much clearer. Are you still listening, Gabriel?’
He leaned in closer.
‘What’s that, Gabriel? Not so melodramatic now, are we? Dear, dear, muttering is terribly rude.’
‘I want to go home … please. I don’t know you. I’m cold. I want to go inside.’
‘A little patience, Gabriel, I need to contemplate our next move.’
It would be easy to close his hands tight around her neck and snap it. Shut her up once and for all. Some might think it a relief. But how would Kate feel? Would it distract her? The beginning of a relationship was tricky. She had only just begun her work in understanding him. One wrong move and he could ruin everything. No, he decided on reflection, now wasn’t the right time. There was no need to rush. Gabriel wasn’t going anywhere.
Tidying her hair, he pulled her blanket further up over her knees, listened to her mumbling her prayers, soothed her by rubbing her forehead until she dozed off.
He didn’t hear Caitriona coming around the corner. ‘Gabriel, it’s time for your tea. We can’t keep the other ladies waiting.’
‘What perfect timing, Caitriona,’ he gave her one of his biggest smiles. ‘Gabriel must be famished by now with all this fresh air.’
He had no doubt Gabriel would forget about him by the time she was back inside. She barely even turned to watch him walk away. Alzheimer’s was such a convenient disease in so many ways.
Ellie
I WON’T SEE DR EBBS UNTIL TOMORROW. EVER SINCE I made up my mind to ask him for Amy’s photograph, time seems to be turning more slowly.
By late afternoon, most of the weekend visitors have gone and all the weekend’s top television programmes, recorded since Friday night, are being rerun in Living Room 2. The days of the week don’t matter to me, but to others, those who are lucky or unlucky enough to have visitors, they are very important. Even when I was a normal person I never liked Sundays, and I’ve had no reason to change my feeling towards them now. All I care about is that when I see Dr Ebbs, I will get a piece of Amy back.