“I’ve missed you, too. It’s been hell for me. But I suppose you already know that.”
His eyes closed, her words slicing across him like a knife. She didn’t mean to cause him pain, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Five years, alone. He’d made his choice. A small wall began to build inside her, propping up her spine so she didn’t simply collapse in a quivering heap. She had to hold it together. She had to know.
She could still see the hints of the man she’d loved in his new face. But he was a stranger to her now. A stranger who spoke like Josh and walked like Josh. Josh, but not Josh.
“You had plastic surgery?”
“I had to. What was I supposed to do? I was on the run.”
She shook her head, looking into the stranger’s eyes. “On the run. Five years without a single word. So why now, Josh? What’s brought you back to me at last? Is it the money?”
“You never used to be bitter.”
“Hey, fuck you, Josh. You clearly have no idea what I’ve been through, or else you wouldn’t be so cavalier with your little quips. Of course I’m bitter. Do you blame me?”
He finally left the chair and dropped to his knees beside the bed. Clasped her hands in his. She let him, for the moment.
“Honey, you have no idea what being apart from you has been like for me. I’ve missed you every second of every day. It’s been hell being apart from you.”
“I think you better tell me what’s been happening, Josh. From the beginning. Because I’m so confused I don’t know what to think.”
He nodded, the shadow lifting from his face.
“Aubrey, first . . . Can I kiss you? I promise I won’t drug you again, that was for your safety. But, my darling, I’ve missed you so.”
He turned his face to hers, and she couldn’t stop herself. She wanted that kiss. She’d ached for it. And when it came, when his lips touched hers for the second time, she was surprised at how strange it felt. Familiar and strange, all at the same time. But not comforting. Not sexy. Not . . . anything.
It’s just the stress, Aubrey. That’s what’s wrong. Just the stress.
She tried to relax, to accept what was happening. To experience the moment. Instead, her desire never rose. A chill went through her. She’d dreamed about this moment, begged for it, bargained and pleaded, just for one more chance to kiss Josh.
What the hell?
Josh noticed her lack of passion, too, ending the kiss at the very moment she started to pull away. She moved her head down, glanced toward the floor.
“It’s been a long time, Josh.”
“It has.” He stood, waiting. When she didn’t move into his arms again, he crossed them on his chest and smiled sadly.
“Where are we?” she asked again.
“Ocracoke Island. I’ve been living here for the past year. It’s secure, as secure as I can make it, and it’s the only place I know I can keep you safe. I can see them coming, you see. You have to take a ferry to get here. And I have friends here. They’re close by.”
He moved to the window, which he unshuttered and threw open. She joined him, looking out. A soft, warm breeze caressed her face. The sun was shining; it looked to be midafternoon. The beach came right up to the house, and the ocean spread before her, stretching endlessly out of sight.
“It’s beautiful,” she said.
“It should be. It cost me enough.”
He laughed harshly, and she wondered if he was talking about money or something else. She turned away from the view.
“Tell me why, Josh. Please. I can’t stand this. I need to know.”
His look was another haunting visitation from the ghost of Josh past, right into her soul, the way he used to when they were children and she’d done something he disapproved of. When he was disappointed in her. “And you shall. Let’s have some dinner. I think better on a full stomach.”
He led her into the hall and down a flight of stairs into a modern, airy kitchen, with a white marble counter and whitewashed cabinets. The whole place had floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the sea, making the house feel like it was floating. She saw an infinity pool stretching away from the deck. It seemed to drop right off the edge of the world into the ocean. She had the sudden urge to fling herself into the sea. Death seemed easier than this new reality.
Josh grabbed her arm, almost as if he knew her thoughts, and sat her at the table. He poured her a glass of white wine and started putting together a meal. Fresh shrimp salad, fruit, cheese. Simple, light fare, fitting for the beach. Dizzyingly similar to meals they’d had on trips they’d taken just north of here, on Nags Head, with Kevin and Janie. When they were married. When they were a couple. When they told each other everything.