Dark Places

Chapter 33
Libby Day NOW

Lyle was bouncing in his seat. "Libby, did you notice? Holy crud, did you notice?"

"What?"

"Diondra's porn name, the one she used all the time, did you notice?"

"Polly Palm, what?"

Lyle was grinning, his long teeth glowing brighter than the rest of him in the dark car.

"Libby, what was the name your brother had tattooed on his arm? Remember the names we went through? Molly, Sally, and the one I said sounded like a dog's name?"

"Oh God."

"Polly, right?"

"Oh God," I said again.

"I mean, that's not a coincidence, right?"

Of course it wasn't. Everyone who keeps a secret itches to tell it. This was Ben's way of telling. His homage to his secret girlfriend. But he couldn't use her real name on the tattoo, Miss Disappearing Diondra. So he used the name she used when she was playing. I pictured him running his fingers over the swollen lines, his skin still stinging, proud. Polly. Maybe a romantic gesture. Maybe a memoriam.

"I wonder how old the tattoo is," Lyle said.

"It actually didn't look that old," I said. "It was still, I don't know, bright, not faded at all."

Lyle whipped out his laptop, balanced it on tight knees.

"Come on, come on, gimme a signal."

"What are you doing?"

"I don't think Diondra's dead. I think she's in exile. And if you were going into exile, and you had to pick a name, wouldn't you be tempted to use a name you'd used before, one that only a few friends knew, a joke for yourself, and a bit of ... home? Something your boyfriend could tattoo on his arm and it would mean something to him, something permanent he could look at. Come on," he snapped at the laptop.

We drove another twenty minutes, trolling the highways until Lyle got a signal, and began tap-tap-typing in time to the rain, me trying to get a look at the screen without killing us.

He finally looked up, a crazy beam-smile on his face: "Libby," he said, "you might want to pull over again."

I swerved onto the side of the road, just short of Kansas City, a semi blaring its horn at my recklessness, shuddering my car as it sped past.

Her name sat there on the screen: Polly F*cking Palm in Kearney, Missouri. Address and phone number, right there, the only Polly Palm listing in the whole country, except for a nail boutique in Shreveport.

"I really need to get the Internet," I said.

"You think it's her?" Lyle said, staring at the name as if it might disappear. "It's gotta be her right?"

"Let's see." I pulled out my cell.

She answered on the fourth ring, just as I was taking a big gulp of air to leave her a message.

"Is this Polly Palm?"

"Yes." The voice was lovely, all cigarettes and milk.

"Is this Diondra Wertzner?"

Pause. Click.

"Would you find me some directions to that house, Lyle?"

LYLE WANTED TO come, wanted to come, really, really thought he should come, but I just couldn't see it working, and I just didn't want him there, so I dropped him off at Sarah's Pub, him trying not to look sulky as I pulled away, me promising to phone the second I left Diondra's.

"I'm serious, don't forget," he called after me. "Seriously!" I gave him a honk and drove off. He was still yelling something after me as I turned the corner.

My fingers were tight from gripping the steering wheel; Kearney was a good forty-five minutes northeast of Kansas City, and Diondra's address, according to Lyle's very specific directions, was another fifteen minutes from the town proper. I knew I was close when I started hitting all the signs for the Jesse James Farm and Jesse James' Grave. I wondered why Diondra had chosen to live in the hometown of an outlaw. Seems like something I would do. I drove past the turnoff for the James farm - been there in grade school, a tiny, cold place where, during a surprise attack, Jesse's little half brother was killed - and I remember thinking, "Just like our house." I went farther on a looping, skinny road, up and down hills and then out back into country, where dusty clapboard houses sat on big, flat lots, dogs barking on chains in each yard. Not a single person appeared; the area seemed entirely vacant. Just dogs and a few horses, and farther away, a lush line of forest that had been allowed to remain between the homes and the highway.

Diondra's house came another ten minutes later. It was ugly, it had an attitude, leaning to one side like a pissed-off, hip-jutted woman. It needed the attitude, because it didn't have much else going for it. It was set far back from the street, looked like the sharecroppers' quarters for a larger farmhouse, but there was no other house, just a few acres of mud on all sides, rolling and bumpy like the ground had acne. That sad remainder of woods in the distance.

I drove up the long dirt road leading to the house, already worrying my car might get stuck and what would happen if my car got stuck.

From behind the storm clouds, the late afternoon sun arrived just in time to blind me as I slammed the door shut and walked toward the house, my gut cold. As I neared the front steps, a big momma possum shot out from under the porch, hissing at me. The thing unnerved me, that pointy white face and those black eyes looking like something that should already be dead. Plus momma possums are nasty bitches. It ran to the bushes, and I kicked the steps to make sure there weren't more, then climbed them. My lopsided right foot swished around in my boot. A dreamcatcher hung near the door, dangling carved animal teeth and feathers.

Just as the rain brings out the concrete smells of the city, it had summoned up the smell of soil and manure here. It smelled like home, which wasn't right.

A long, loose pause followed my knock on the door, and then quiet feet approached. Diondra opened the door, decidedly undead. She didn't even look that different from the photos I'd seen. She'd ditched the spiral perm, but still wore her hair in loose dark waves, still wore thick black eyeliner that made her eyes look Easter-blue, like pieces of candy. Her mascara was double-coated, spidery, and left flecks of black on the pads of flesh beneath her eyes. Her lips were plump as labias. Her whole face and body was a series of gentle curves: pink cheeks with a hint of jowl, breasts that slightly overflowed her bra, a ring of skin bordering the top of her jeans.

"Oh," she said as she opened the door, a flood of heat coming out. "Libby?"

"Yes."

She took my face in her hands. "Holy crap, Libby. I always thought some day you'd find me. Smart girl." She hugged me, then held me out a bit. "Hi. Come in."

I walked into a kitchen with a den to the side, the setup reminding me too much of my own lost home. We walked down a short hallway. To my right, a basement door hung open, leaking gusts of cold air. Negligent. We entered a low-ceilinged living room, cigarette smoke blooming from an ashtray on the floor, the walls yellowed, all the furniture looking drained. A massive TV sat like a loveseat against one wall.

"Would you mind taking off your shoes, please, sweetheart?" she said, motioning toward the living room carpet, which was gummy and soiled. The whole house was crooked, beaten-up, stained. A miniature dog turd sat in a lump near the stairs, Diondra stepping deftly around it.

She led me toward the sofa, trailing at least three different scents: a grape-y hair spray, a flowery lotion, and maybe ... insect spray? She was wearing a low-cut blouse and tight jeans, with the junk jewelry of a teenager. She was one of those middle-aged women who thought they were fooling people.

I followed her, missing the extra inches my bootheels gave me, feeling childish. Diondra turned her profile to me, marking me from the corner of her eye, and I could see a pointy canine poke out from beneath her upper lip.

She cocked her head to one side and said, "Come on in, sit down. Jeez you're definitely a Day, huh? That fire-red hair, always loved it."

As soon as we sat down three squat-leg poodles came running in, collars jangling like sleigh bells, and clambered up on her lap. I tensed.

"Oh crap, you are definitely a Day," she cackled. "Ben was always all jumpy around dogs too. Course the ones I used to have were bigger than these babies." She let the dogs lick at her fingers, pink tongues flashing in and out. "So, Libby," she began, like my name, my existence was an inside joke, "did Ben tell you where to find me? Tell me the truth."

"I found you from something Trey Teepano said."

"Trey? Jesus. How'd you get to Trey Teepano?"

"He has a feed store, in the yellow pages."

"A feed store. Wouldn't have called that one. How's he look by the way?"

I nodded enthusiastically - he looks good - before I caught myself. Then said: "You were with Ben that night."

"Mmmm-hmmm. I was." She searched my face, wary but interested.

"I want to know what happened."

"Why?" she asked.

"Why?"

"Sorry, Miss Libby, this is all so out of the blue. Ben say something to you? I mean, why'd you come looking for me now? Why now?"

"I need to know for sure what happened."

"Oh, Libby. Ohhh." She gave me a sympathetic look. "Ben is OK taking the time for what happened that night. He wants to take the time. Let him."

"Did he kill my family?"

"That's why you're here?"

"Did Ben kill my family?"

She just smiled at me, those ridgeless lips staying rigid.

"I need some peace, Diondra, please. Just tell me."

"Libby, this is about peace, then? You think you know the answer, you're going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? You think after what happened there's any peace for you, sweetheart? How about this. Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Serenity Prayer. It's helped me a lot."

"Just say it, Diondra, just tell me. Then I'll try to accept."

The sun was setting, hitting us through the rear window now, making me blink with the brightness. She leaned toward me, took both my hands.

"Libby, I'm so sorry. I just don't know. I was with Ben that night. We were going to leave town. I was pregnant with his baby. We were going to run away. He was going to his house, to get some money. An hour goes by, two hours, three hours. I'm thinking he's lost his nerve. I finally cried myself to sleep. The next morning, I heard what happened. At first I thought he was killed too. Then I hear, no, he's in custody and police think he's part of some coven - a satanic, Charles Manson - type clan they're looking for. I'm waiting for a knock at my door. But nothing happens. Days go by, and I hear Ben has no alibi, he hasn't mentioned me at all. He's protecting me."

"All these years."

"All these years, yes. The cops were never satisfied it was just Ben. They wanted more. Looks better. But Ben never said a word. He's my goddam hero."

"So no one knows what happened that night. I'm never, ever going to find out." I felt a strange relief, saying it aloud. I could quit now, maybe. If I could never, ever know, then maybe I could quit.

"I do think you could find some peace, if you accept that. I mean, Libby, I don't think Ben did it. I think he's protecting your daddy, is what I think. But who knows? I hate to say this, but whatever happened that night, Ben needed to be in prison. He even says so. He had something inside him that wasn't right for the outside world. A violence. He does so much better in prison. He's very popular in there. He penpals with all these women, the women are so crazy about him. He gets a dozen proposals of marriage a year. Every once in a while, he thinks he wants back outside. But he doesn't."

"How do you know this?"

"We keep in touch," she snapped, then smiled sugar. The yellow-orange light of the sunset rayed across her chin, her eyes suddenly in the dark.

"Where's the baby, Diondra? The baby you were pregnant with?"

"I'm here," said the Day Girl.