“Okay, I was curious, that’s all.”
She tipped back in her seat and propped her feet up on the pontoon’s rail, giving him a great view of her legs. She glanced at him, the dark sunglasses doing nothing to hide the meaning of the look. Evan turned his head away, hoping the blush on his cheeks would be hidden by the heat of the sun.
The sound of a boat motor drew their attention to a nearby point of land, and a few seconds later a large craft appeared. As it neared, Evan heard the engine slow and saw the familiar form of Jacob at the wheel. The Irishman raised a hand in greeting and steered toward them.
“Oh God, it’s him,” Selena said in a low voice.
Evan looked at her, surprised. “You know Jacob?”
“Unfortunately. He screwed my dad out of a land deal years ago. He was really rude and cruel about it too. I’m sorry, I can’t stand him.”
With that, she turned away to fish off the opposite side of the pontoon. Evan was at a loss for words but had no time to ask any more questions, as Jacob idled his Lund sideways to them a dozen yards away.
“Mornin’, boyos! I thought ’twas you over here. How’re we doin’ this mornin’?”
“Great, how about yourself?” Evan said. The awkwardness of Selena’s words still hung over him.
“Oh, not bad, not bad. Sorry bit of tragedy back in town, though.”
“Oh yeah, what happened?”
“Young gal by the name of Tram died at her own hand last night.”
A strange humming filled Evan’s ears, as if his head had been thrust underwater. The pontoon lurched sickeningly beneath him, and his gorge rose like an elevator. Jacob said something else, and Evan had to struggle to keep his head up. He felt like lying down, even on the moving floor of the boat.
“Are you all right, son?” Jacob said, throwing his boat in gear for a moment, to keep even with them.
“Yeah,” Evan managed to say. Shaun squealed loudly, the sound cutting through the hum of Jacob’s motor and into Evan’s eardrum. “I’m sorry, I missed what you said before.”
“Oh, I jest said the poor gal must’ve been disturbed fer a time.”
“How?” Evan asked, the breath in his lungs hot, way too hot.
Jacob shifted his eyes in Shaun and Selena’s direction. “I’m not sure it’s proper for present company.”
“It’s fine,” Evan said, with more of an edge to his voice than he meant.
Jacob looked doubtful but spoke above the rattle of the motor. “Word is she climbed out onta her parents’ roof and fell headfirst onta the drive. I suppose it could be an accident, but that’s not what people’re sayin’. Horrible business. I know her father quite well. Tragic, so young.”
Evan nodded, his stomach almost boiling. It was all he could do to keep the vomit from racing up and out of his mouth.
“Well, I jest wanted ta say hi. Sorry ta come bearin’ such awful news. You have a good day. Catch me a fish, Shauny!”
After a final wave, Jacob gunned the engine and raced off across the lake, spangles of water flying up from his boat’s prow and catching the sun like dropped jewels. Evan set his rod down and propped his face in one hand. His arm shook, and he thought he still might lose the battle to keep his breakfast down. He needed to rest and forget yesterday, forget the glassy stare in Becky’s eyes and the sound that came from her mouth.
“My God,” Selena said. She faced him again, her rod tied up and propped against an empty seat. “That was the girl who did PCA work for you yesterday?”
He could only nod.
“You said she acted really strange when she left?”
“Yeah,” he croaked.
Raising his face from his palm, he gazed across the lake to where the island sat, a dark clump rising up out of the water like a tumor. He felt unhinged. Everything looked lurid and fake in the sunlight. He wanted to step out of the pontoon and tear a hole in it all, rip open the water, slash the sky so he could look beyond and see the dark, clicking gears that drove everything in a mockery of life.
“The hospital said she was safe, that she didn’t feel well but was safe,” Evan said. “I let it go at that, didn’t give it another thought.”
“Look, you can’t blame yourself for this. I’m sure there’s an explanation. People who do things like this usually contemplate it for a long time before carrying it through. I’m guessing you’ll find out that she was a deeply disturbed person.”
Evan tried to recall anything that Becky had said or done before her episode that would fit the criteria of a demented mind.
She went in the basement, that’s all it took.
He wrapped up his fishing pole and made sure Shaun was secure in his seat.
“I think we’d better go home.”
Selena pressed her lips into a thin line and moved around Shaun, to where he sat. She knelt near his feet and placed her hands on his thighs.
“It wasn’t your fault, Evan. You had no idea she was capable of something like this. I’m just glad Shaun is okay. Someone who’s that troubled couldn’t possibly be a good caretaker. I know you feel responsible in some way, but you’re not. Take it from a professional—I’ve dealt with multiple people who were suicidal, along with surviving family members and friends of those who killed themselves. Every survivor has the same guilt. They ask themselves, could I have done something different? Could I have prevented it? The answer is almost always no. If someone means to kill him-or herself, they find a way. Period.”
Evan looked down at her, her hair tossing in the light breeze. Her pretty face was upturned to his.
“I told her not to go down in the basement,” he whispered.
Selena leaned back from him.
“But she did. Something happened to her down there, I know it.”