His face crumpled and he breathed out a long, hot sigh. “I can wait until we’re together again. Let me know what you want.”
A breeze picked up and streamed across the porch, pushing at his hair. For a minute he stared at the lake, the water dull blue, capped with streaks of burgundy where the sun glanced off the waves. While he watched, the constant touch of the breeze caressed his face. The wind chime sung, its sound lighter than he’d ever heard it before, the air picking out its own melody. He sniffed and looked through the screens, expecting her to be there, smiling at him, but nothing so dramatic happened. The breeze finally slowed, then stopped, and the pines became still again.
“Okay,” he said. “Okay.”
~
After Selena arrived, they ate dinner. Evan was surprised and amused at how much the psychologist could eat. As the meal wound down, Selena noticed him watching her, a half grin on his face.
“What?” she said, through a mouthful of pizza.
He shook his head, the smile still tugging at his lips. “Nothing, just wondering how many times you’ll have to paddle around the lake to burn all that off.”
A mock indignant look crossed her face, and she balled up a napkin to throw at him. Evan laughed and dodged it. This caused Shaun to giggle and look back and forth between the two grown-ups.
“You need to teach your dad some manners, Shaun,” Selena said. “Tell him women don’t take kindly to weight jokes.”
Evan laughed. “Oh I wasn’t making fun of your weight, just how much you ate.”
Selena raised her eyebrows. “Well then, I’m thoroughly offended.” With a quick movement, she reached out and snagged one of the two remaining pieces of pizza. “Maybe this will help me feel better.”
He shook his head and, still laughing, shot Shaun a silly face.
They cleaned up dinner, and Evan found a dusty game of Yahtzee in the closet off the living room. They set up the game at the kitchen table and began to play. He and Selena took turns helping Shaun hold the shaker cup and counting the numbers on the dice. Evan noticed a warmth in his chest every time he watched Selena’s long fingers grasp Shaun’s hands and guide them to pick up the dice. The guilt tried to return whenever he registered it, but then he would think of the breeze caressing his face on the porch.
It might only have been a gust of wind.
Yes, and it might not have.
When Shaun couldn’t hold his head up anymore, Evan helped him to bed. Before he could offer to read a story, the boy had drifted off, his eyelids twitching.
“Already dreaming,” Selena said from behind him.
Evan turned and nodded before kissing Shaun on the forehead. He followed her back to the kitchen and walked to the fridge.
“Want a glass of wine?”
“What the hell, I had about seven pieces of pizza, right?”
“You know I was kidding,” he said, pulling the last bottle of cab out of the fridge.
“Mmm-hmm, sure,” she said.
Her eyes danced and she smiled. Evan poured them each a glass, handing Selena hers as he sat at the table. They sipped in silence for a while, and amidst the pleasant quiet, he wondered if everything he’d experienced on the island truly had been an overactive imagination on his part. With Selena sitting across from him and Shaun sound asleep in his bed, he very much wanted to believe that was the case.
“What are you thinking?”
Evan glanced at her and shook his head. “I’m not going to answer that question from a psychologist.”
She smiled, but became sober again. “Sorry, it seems that you’re distracted a lot of the time.”
“You’re right, I do get sidetracked, always have.”
“It’s not a bad thing, you know, it’s usually characteristic of a creative mind. You mentioned you’re a writer, right?”
He chuckled. “I wouldn’t call myself a writer. I’ve had one article published and written a few others.” He shrugged and sipped his wine.
“It’s nothing to scoff at.”
“It’s nothing to do cartwheels over either.”
“Well, you do have more responsibility than most people, you know?”
He nodded. “It’s funny. I never think of it that way. Shaun’s been like he is for over four years. It’s our life now, I’m used to it, as much as anyone can be. Sometimes I think about what things would be like if we hadn’t gotten in that crash, how life would be now, but it’s really a waste of time, right? The past, I mean.”
She smiled. “That was almost poetic.”
“Almost.”
“It’s scary, isn’t it?”
“What’s that?”
“Being the only one he counts on every day. I can see it in the way you talk to him sometimes.”
“What scares me is what would happen if I weren’t around anymore. I have things set up for my best friend to take care of him, but ...”
“But the thought of him being here without you—”
“Terrifies me, yeah. I can’t think of anything more frightening.” he swirled his wine and watched the red liquid spin. “Sometimes I wonder if other people know how good they have it. They take life for granted until a car comes along, or cancer, or a million other things that happen.” He shook his head. “I know I did.”
“Everyone does,” Selena said. “Until it happens, you don’t worry about it, unless you have a disorder, and I’ve seen my share of those. Some patients I’ve treated can’t leave their house for fear of something happening to them, can’t go to the grocery store without worrying someone has poisoned all the fruit.”
“Yeah, the old saying always comes to mind, if everyone put their troubles in a pile, you’d grab yours back.”
She nodded. “Very true.”
They drank in silence for a while, then Selena asked, “So how long are you planning on staying here?”
“I don’t know, we were thinking at least until fall, maybe longer. We’ll see.” Evan watched her take a drink of wine. “How about you? Sticking around for the foreseeable future?”
“I think so. I have a steady client base, not too busy, not too light. It fits around everything else I like to do.”