“That’s okay. I’m Becky Tram. Dr. Netler said you inquired about a PCA?”
Becky had jet-black hair tied back from a round face. Her uniform looked tight in places, as if she had gained weight since she bought it and wasn’t willing to give in to a larger size. She smiled, revealing a set of very white teeth and dimples in her plump cheeks.
“Oh, yes, nice to meet you,” Evan said, holding out a hand for her to shake.
“You too. And this little man did awesome today,” Becky said, guiding Shaun to Evan.
Evan grinned and pulled Shaun up, to hold him on his hip. “Did you?” he asked, tickling Shaun’s neck.
Shaun laughed and kicked his feet.
“Yes, he did great. We worked really hard, so he might be tired. Have you been doing small motor skills with him lately?”
“Yeah, we’ve been doing tracing and some therapy putty from time to time.”
“Great. I can tell you work with him at home since he’s versed in most of the stuff we do.”
“He has a great PT and OT staff back where we live.”
“Well, he’s doing wonderful, lots of echolalia today too. So, were you thinking of regular PCA hours, or once in a while?”
Evan shifted Shaun to his other hip. “Probably just from time to time. I’m home with him now, but I thought it might be good to set something up in case I needed to go somewhere.”
Becky nodded. “Absolutely. My schedule is pretty open for the summer, and I could probably do almost any day of the week except for Mondays. Did the front desk give you my résumé?”
“They did, it looked great.”
“Good. Yeah, I’ve been doing PCA stuff for about six years now, and it works really well with my OT. I’ll eventually be full-time here, but not until they have an opening.”
Evan’s eyes glazed slightly. “Would you be able to come out tomorrow?”
“Sure, what time?”
He blinked. “How about one? Shaun usually takes his naps in the afternoon.”
“That sounds great. Where do you guys live?”
“The Fin.”
Becky’s cheerful face lost some of its color, but she recovered immediately. “Okay, sure, I know where it is. My dad has a boat he’ll let me use. I’ll be out a little before one.”
“Perfect,” Evan said, shaking her hand. “We’ll see you then.”
~
Even with the sun straight overhead, Evan was cold. As they crossed the water and the Fin materialized, the notion to pack and leave as soon as they got there became more and more appealing. What were they staying for? The possibility of a story in a magazine? At what cost? Visions of a floating body and the doll standing on the basement landing flashed through his mind, and he pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead. That could’ve been his imagination, just circus acts in the old brainpan.
Shouldn’t you be worried about that? The cost for staying might be your sanity.
Lack of sleep paired with stress could do weird things.
Shaun saw it too.
But he could’ve been asleep and dreamed it, or seen something on TV that scared him, Evan retorted. The voice didn’t answer, letting him stew in his own thoughts until they reached the island.
The afternoon passed in a lazy blink of an eye. The sun arced overhead, and Shaun napped. Evan sipped on coffee, maintaining a steady caffeine buzz that pushed him through the day. He cleaned a little, puttering around the house, ignoring the basement door as much as he could. When Shaun woke up, they sat by the lake’s edge, watching the afternoon rays walk across the waves.
When they returned to the house, Evan surprised himself by pulling out the business card with Selena’s number on it. He stared at it for a while, and eventually drew out his phone and punched in the numbers before he could stop himself. The rush of adrenaline from calling her both frightened and soothed him. It was as if he’d just woken up, the day a haze of motions and words until then.
“Hello?”
Her voice startled him, and he nearly fumbled the phone, realizing he had no plan of what to say to her.
“Hey, Selena, it’s Evan.”
“Hi, how are you?” Warmth flooded her voice.
“Hi, um, good. Say, I didn’t know if you’d be in the neighborhood this evening. We were going to have a pizza and thought you might like to stop by.”
Once the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to bring them back, wanted to reverse and not have called her at all.
“You know, I was thinking of going for a paddle in a bit. The exercise should justify some pizza, right?”
He smiled. “Absolutely.”
She laughed, tinkling crystal. “I’ll see you two in a while.”
“Sounds great.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
He ended the call, a surge of excitement rushing upward from the base of his stomach. Immediately a blade of guilt sliced through it, cutting it into pieces that withered and deflated. He walked past the couch on which Shaun rested, watching cartoons, and stepped onto the three-season porch. The cooler air pushed against him and hummed through the screens. He sat in a chair that gave him the best vantage of the lake.
“I’m sorry, honey,” he said, so low he barely heard the words. “I don’t know what you would’ve wanted.” He laughed and rubbed at his eyes, the moisture in them beginning to sting. “What you really wanted, I guess we never talked about it much. We were always too busy with Shaun and each other to discuss it.”
Evan spun the heavy ring on his finger a few times, noting how well it still shined. He could see himself in its reflection, as well as a distorted image of the room around him.
“I know you want me to be happy, but this still seems fast. It’s like everything came at me at once, and I don’t know what to do.” He swallowed, needing to go on. “I’ll be alone if you want me to, I can do it, no problem. I know you said—”