“When someone starts off a sentence with you can’t get mad, usually they are going to get mad.” How could having a picnic possibly make me mad?
He clears his throat a couple of times before speaking. “I um, I uh, want to go have a picnic with your dad. I thought we could go have lunch with him today.” He barely whispers the last part out, so I struggle to hear what he is saying.
My mouth pops open and I think I gasp, but I’m not sure. I all of a sudden feel lightheaded. He wants to go to the cemetery and have lunch with my dad? He does realize he’s in the ground right? As in he won’t be there? As in he’s in a coffin, six feet under.
“Let me explain first before you freak out, or pass out. I thought maybe we could go eat a picnic near your dad’s grave. Yesterday you said you were too scared to go visit him, so I thought maybe we could do it together. I think visiting his grave will help you let go of the guilt you carry around with you. I thought it might be nice for you to visit him regularly, and talk to him about your day, or problems you might be having. I just want to help you get over the hurdle of visiting him for the first time.” He is speaking really fast and rambling. I think he might be nervous, and if I wasn’t completely freaked out, I would think it was cute.
“I don’t know River.” I’m nervous to visit my dad because I’m scared he will be disappointed in the person I have become.
“We don’t have to. I know I just met you yesterday, and I shouldn’t stick my nose in places it doesn’t belong, but I feel a connection with you. I know we were meant to meet yesterday. I just want to help you in any way I can.” he sincerely says.
“You’re right. We were supposed to meet yesterday. Yesterday we were strangers, but today I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.” I grab his hand and start walking in the direction of the cemetery. “I can’t promise you we will stay for very long, but I’m willing to go visit his grave.”
The cemetery is a short walk from the park, so it takes us no time at all to get there. There is a huge angel statue right in the middle of the graveyard. She has her head bowed low like she is weeping for the souls who have left this earth. I know my dad is buried near the angel, so it doesn’t take us long to find his grave. When we find it, I fall to my knees in front of his tombstone and place my palms flat on the ground. So this is it. This is where he has been the whole time. I thought I would be scared to come here, or nervous. But I feel a sense of closeness with my dad. I know he is near me and that puts me at ease. We scoot over a little, that way we aren’t sitting on top of him, and lay out our picnic blanket. River packed peanut butter and jelly, Cheetos, and Pepsi for lunch. I smile at his food choice, there is no way he could have known it, but he packed all my favorites. It couldn’t be a more perfect day.
“River,” I whisper out. He looks up at me and gently brushes the hair out of my face. “Thank you for bringing me here. My mom has been trying to get me to visit my dad for years. She will be happy to know I came here today. I just miss him so much, and I thought it would be hard coming here, but you know what, it’s wasn’t. I don’t think I would have been able to do this if it wasn’t for you.”
“There is something special about you Stella, and I want to get to know you better. I’ve only know you for one day, but I find myself thinking of the next thing to do to make you smile. I now live to see that smile.” He softly cups his hand behind my head and pulls me in for a kiss. It’s a soft and tender kiss. I reach my arms up and wrap them around his neck, silently begging him to come closer. I pour myself into this one kiss. I want him to know that he saved me, that he makes me feel special, that he is healing me. How can someone I barely know already mean so much to me? I slowly pull away from him and rest my forehead against his. I see a subtle movement out of the corner of my eye, and as I pull away from River to see what it is, I gasp in shock. Sitting all over our blanket, and flying above our heads are dozens of beautiful butterflies.
I slowly lean my head back and stretch my arms out. Butterflies land in my open palms, and I start to cry and laugh all at the same time. River is watching me with a smile on his face, and this time the smile reaches his eyes.
I believe that butterflies symbolize a new life and a new beginning. This isn’t a coincidence that all these butterflies are around us right now. I open my eyes and look towards the sky. A ray of sunshine is peaking through the clouds, shining right down onto River and I. I know without a doubt my dad is looking down on me with a smile. I can almost hear him telling me to take that leap of faith and jump off the swing, but instead of saving the world, this time I’ll be saving myself.
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Holli Spaulding is a writer, mother, Coast Guard military wife, nerf gun ninja, Guns and Roses addict, and an avid reader. She resides in the beautiful state of Hawaii with her husband and four kids. When she isn’t writing or being a mother, she enjoys lying on the beach and relaxing with her latest book find. Be on the lookout for her first novel, Alive, coming soon.
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The Gift of Gab
Sharon Delarose