I remember the exact moment I had the idea for this novel. My text history with my author friend Holly tells me it was 27 November, 2019.
Me, 18:32: I want to write a book like Russian Doll but about knife crime.
Holly Seddon, 18:37: OMG the dream.
Holly, 18:38: How would you do it? Would someone keep getting stabbed?
Me, 18:38: Yes, I think so. And the guy has to go further and further back through when he joined a gang maybe, to the point where it doesn’t begin. OMG so told backwards?
Holly, 18:38: OMG
Me, 18:38: Have I just invented something?
Just like that.
I’d watched Russian Doll recently, then sat down to watch the news, and a section on knife crime caught my attention. This is how it happens for writers. Never at the desk, never at the right time, but always, inevitably, the ideas come, and I think this is my best one yet. It’s been an honour to write it, to spend the year with Jen and Todd, and to fall in love with them as I hope you did too.
Of course, the idea changed so much in the planning and the writing of it, but here remains the core: a crime novel where you must stop the ending, told backwards. It makes a simplistic kind of sense to me – doesn’t every crime have its inception in the past, buried deep in history?
I wrote this book from July 2020 to May 2021, across two lockdowns, one lasting almost five months. It was all I did over the pandemic. I figured, if I could produce a great book, then something good came out of the gloom. (My boyfriend proposed during the January lockdown and I still hit my wordcount that day.)
I’ve dedicated this novel to my agents, Felicity Blunt and Lucy Morris. It’s hard for an author to overstate the effect two great agents can have on their career. They counsel, they edit, they hand-hold, they sell and, most of all, they make me a better writer. They were never worried by this idea, never thought it was too ambitious, and for that I am forever thankful.
It is not hyperbole, either, to say that my editors, Maxine Hitchcock and Rebecca Hilsdon at Penguin Michael Joseph, have totally changed my life. I count this up in every acknowledgement, but that’s because it’s true: I have now written six bestsellers, and it’s because of the dream team that is PMJ: Max, Rebecca, Ellie Hughes, Sriya Varadharajan, Jen Breslin (the genius) and all in Sales, plus my super copy-editor Sarah Day. Six Sunday Times bestsellers, one Richard and Judy pick, an eBook number-one bestseller … almost half a million sold: the list of the things they have achieved with my books goes on.
Thanks, too, to my brand-new US editor, Lyssa Keusch, and the team at William Morrow, HarperCollins. I can’t wait to get started!
I consulted a few experts during my time writing this novel. Richard Price (who does indeed have a J. D. Salinger T-shirt), for his physics and closed timelike curve expertise. Neil Greenough for the ongoing police procedure help. I can’t even tell you how valuable it is to know someone who can help with procedure, and Neil is endlessly generous with his time and my strange questions (any errors are my own, indeed, deliberately so: an undercover unit would never work out of the main station, of course).
Paul Wade, for talking multiverses with me. Tyler Thomas, for being so great and Todd-like. Thanks, too, to my Liverpool gurus, John Gibbons and Neil Atkinson.
And my father, of course, for the many chats, invaluable suggestions, and for being my first reader, always.
Thanks, too, to Jo Zamo for dedicating her name, and to Kenneth Eagles and Kacie for letting me borrow their family lore.
The deeper into my thirties I get, the more I realize I wouldn’t be much of anything without my many and varied best friendships. For Lia Louis, Holly Seddon, Beth O’Leary, Lucy Blackburn, Phil Rolls and the Wades: you are my therapists, comedians and the holders of my dearest secrets.
And finally, thanks, too, to David. He is, as I write these acknowledgements, due to become my husband in twenty hours’ time (ah, marrying writers: who else would do their acknowledgements on a Sunday afternoon when they’re getting married tomorrow?). In whatever universe, whatever timeline, whatever your name, I will love you to Day Minus Five Thousand Three Hundred and Seventy-Two (and back).