“No,” she murmurs. “Everything is spinning.”
“Come on, Samy,” I say and carefully slip my hands under her legs and back to carry her. Marco closes the door behind me. We enter through the back of the house. Marco opens the doors for me. Samy clutches my neck tightly, murmuring.
“My dark prince.”
Marco gives me a sad look when he hears her call me that. She’s called me that since we were kids because according to her, I’ve always been there to save her. But she’s forgotten that Marco has always been there for her too. He gives her one last look before turning the other way, heading for the kitchen.
“You got this.” He mumbles, walking away. “I’m hungry.”
I take Samy to the guest room because there’s no way I’m going upstairs with her like that. We get into the room, and she staggers but stands with my help. I manage to turn the nightstand lamp on and turn around to face her. “You shouldn’t have drunk so much.”
She caresses her face awkwardly. “I needed it.”
Her black eyes meet mine, and I know I shouldn’t ask, but she expects me to. “Why?”
She points a finger at my chest. “You know why.”
Silence falls between us, and her expression grows sadder. I glance at the bed, at the fresh sheets. She just needs to sleep it off.
“Ares . . .” she says quietly. “You’ve been looking at your girlfriend all night, having a good time, you haven’t even looked at me.”
“Samantha . . .”
“I was watching you; I’ve missed you so much.” The plea in her voice makes me feel ashamed. I care about her, maybe not in the way she expects, but she’s still very important to me. “Haven’t you missed me even a little bit?”
I consider saying yes because I don’t want to hurt her. However, I think of Raquel, her smile, the way she wrinkles her face when she doesn’t like something but doesn’t want to say it, how I feel when she touches me. It’s as if she’s touching beyond my skin, as if her hands can reach into my heart and warm it. So, I don’t respond, I don’t want to give Samy false hope when my heart belongs to Raquel.
Her black eyes fill with tears, and I run my hand through my hair.
“Don’t cry.”
“You’re an idiot. Did you know that?” The anger in her voice is sharp. “Why did you have sex with me? Why did you play with me like all the others? I thought that I was different, that you cared about me.”
“Samy, I care about you a lot.”
“Bullshit! If you cared about me, you would never have let this go any further. You knew I had feelings for you, and if you didn’t reciprocate, you shouldn’t have let it go any further.”
I approach her and try to reach for her, but she pulls away as if my touch is poisonous.
“Samantha . . .”
Tears fall freely down her cheeks. “Why, Ares? Why did you kiss me that Christmas night? Why did you start something when you knew you felt nothing?”
“Samantha—”
“Tell me the truth for the first time in your life! Why?”
“I was confused! I thought I had feelings for you, but I didn’t! I’m sorry.” The pain on her face makes my chest tighten. “I’m really sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” She lets out a tearful laugh. “It’s so easy for you to say that! You destroy everything good around you and expect to fix it with I’m sorry. That’s not how life works, Ares. You can’t go around hurting people and just expect to be forgiven.”
“I know I’m fucked up, Samantha, but I—”
“You know you’re fucked up, but you keep hurting people. You do nothing to change that.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m trying to be different.”
“For her? You want to change for Raquel, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And . . . couldn’t you try that with me? Wasn’t I enough for you?”
“It’s not about that, Samantha. I just can’t control the way I feel. I care about you a lot, but she’s . . .” I pause. “She’s . . . what she makes me feel is . . . on another level.”
Her lips tremble as she whispers: “Do you love her?”
She looks so hurt that I don’t dare answer.
“You need to rest.”
She nods and staggers to the bed, lying on her side, facing me.
“Would you mind keeping me company until I fall asleep?” I hesitate, but she looks so defeated that I can’t bear to hurt her anymore, so I lie down next to her, and our faces are a safe distance apart. She just looks at me, tears rolling down the side of her face.
I caress her cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“I love you so much it hurts.” Her voice is weak.
It’s the first time she tells me she loves me, but her words don’t surprise me, maybe I already knew. She understands my silence and gives me a sad smile.
“I need to get away from you for a while. I need to get rid of these feelings. Because, as your best friend, I want to be happy for you, because you finally found someone who motivates you to change, someone who makes you happy, but these stupid feelings ruin everything.”
“Take all the time you need. I’ll be here when you get back.”
She holds my hand. “Do your best, Ares. You have a chance to be happy, don’t ruin it. It’s okay to open your heart. It doesn’t make you weak. Don’t be afraid.”
“Afraid?” I let out a sarcastic laugh. “I’m terrified.”
“I know,” she squeezes my hand. “I know it’s hard for you to trust people, but Raquel is a good girl.”
“I know that, but I can’t help feeling so fucking vulnerable,” I sigh. “She has the power to destroy me; she could do it so easily if she wanted to.”
“But she won’t.” She closes her eyes. “Good night, Ares.”
I lean over and kiss her forehead.
“Good night, Samy.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
The Test
- RAQUEL -
Friends . . .
What was I thinking when I said that?
I’m dying to text him. He hasn’t contacted me much, just texts saying that he’s dealing with something and he’ll talk to me soon. It’s been several days now.
How the hell does he plan to win my affection this way? Did something happen with Samy? What if he doesn’t want to fight for me anymore? What if he decided to give up? My mind has run through so many options that I’m bordering on insanity. Could that be his plan? To ignore me so I’ll give in and take him back like it’s nothing. Ha! In your dreams, Greek God.
With a grunt, I close the book in my hands. I put my face on the table. Dani sighs next to me.
“It seems that the punishment you imposed on him is affecting you more than him.” Dani turns the page of the book she’s reading. “He’s never been easy to understand, so I don’t know why you’re so surprised.”
I mess up my hair in frustration.
“I’m supposed to be in control now, but this silence is killing me.”
“Maybe that’s his plan, don’t you think? That you’ll miss him so much that when you see him, you’ll jump all over him, forgetting about starting out as friends.”
“You think so?”
“Shhhhhhh!” The librarian hushes us.
We both gave her a smile. We came here to see if we could finally finish reading the book that the literature teacher assigned us. I like to read, but that particular teacher only assigns outdated, boring books. I’d like to say I appreciate a good classic, but I would be lying.
“The exam is tomorrow; we’ll never finish reading it,” I murmur quietly so as not to attract the librarian’s attention. Dani pats me on the back.
“Have some faith. We’re already on page twenty-six.”
I cover my face. “Twenty-six of seven hundred, we’re lost.”
I can’t remember the last time I read a book for one of these assignments. How have I survived this class without reading? And then I remember: Joshua. He always helped us with these assignments, and in return, we helped him with any other subjects he had difficulty with.
A wave of sadness sweeps over me as I think about him. The three of us used to come here to read and do our homework. Why did he have to betray me like that? How could he throw away a lasting friendship like that? His sweet smile invades my mind, and I remember the way he adjusted his glasses and wrinkled his nose when he told me how he felt about me.