His tone is serious, his expression cold.
The statement takes me by surprise. My heart and my eyes burn, but I act as if I am unaffected.
“Okay, you hate me, got it. Is that all?”
He shakes his head, a sad smile dances on his lips. “My life was so fucking easy before you, so manageable, and now,” he points at me, “you’ve complicated everything, you . . . you’ve ruined everything.”
My stomach tightens, and tears blur my vision.
“You came all the way to my house to tell me that? I think you’d better leave.”
He wags his finger at me. “I’m not finished.”
“But I think you are, so get out.”
“Don’t you want to know why?”
“I destroyed your life. I think you’ve made that clear, now get the hell out of my house.”
“No.”
“Ares . . .”
“I’m not leaving!” He raises his voice, standing up, and that ignites my anger. “I need this, I need to tell you. I need you to know why I hate you.”
“Why do you hate me, Ares?”
“Because you make me feel. You make me feel, and I don’t want to.” That leaves me speechless, but I don’t show it, and he goes on. “I don’t want to be weak. I swore not to be like my father and here I am, being weak in front of a woman. You made me like him. You make me weak and I hate it.”
My anger dominates my words. “If you hate me so much, what the hell are you doing here? Why don’t you leave me alone?”
He raises his voice again. “Do you think I haven’t tried?” He lets out a harsh laugh. “I’ve tried, Raquel, but I can’t!”
“Why not?” I challenge, approaching him.
He opens his mouth and closes it, clenching his jaw. His breathing is coming fast, and so is mine. I lose myself in the intensity of his eyes, and he turns his back to me, running his hands through his hair.
“Ares, you have to go.”
He turns just enough to face me in profile, with his eyes fixed on the ground.
“I thought this shit would never happen to me. I avoided it, but it still happened to me . . . I don’t know if this is what it’s supposed to feel like, but I can’t deny it anymore.” He turns completely toward me, looking defeated. “I’m in love, Raquel.”
I stop breathing and my mouth drops open.
He smiles like a fool. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”
Did I hear him right? Did Ares Hidalgo just say he was in love with me? He didn’t say he wanted me or that he wanted me in his bed. He said he was in love with me. I can’t say anything. I can’t move. I can only look at him. I can only see those cold walls fade in front of me.
And then I remember the story . . .
His story . . .
What he shared with me that night I was drunk.
The memory is a blur, but his words are clear. He had found his mother in bed with a man who was not his father, and his father had forgiven the infidelity. Ares had lived it all, seen it all. His father had been his pillar, seeing him weak and crying had been a heavy blow to him.
I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want to be like him. . . .
I understand him now. I know it doesn’t justify his actions, but at least it explains them. My mother always told me that who we are depends a lot on the way we were raised and what we experienced in our childhood and early adolescence. Those are the years when we’re like sponges, absorbing everything.
And then I see that the guy in front of me isn’t the cold, arrogant jerk I first talked to through my window; he’s just a guy who had a rough start. A boy who doesn’t want to be like the person he used to admire, who doesn’t want to be weak. A vulnerable guy, angry because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable. And who does? To fall in love with someone is to give them the power to destroy you.
Ares laughs, shaking his head, but the mirth doesn’t reach his eyes. “Now you don’t say anything.”
I don’t know what to say. I’m too shocked at the turn this conversation has taken. My emotions are a mess, and my breathing is no better.
“Shit,” Ares mutters, turning his back to me. He rests his forehead on the wall.
A laugh escapes my lips. Ares turns to me again, and the confusion is obvious on his face.
“You. Are. Crazy,” I say with a chuckle. I don’t even know why I’m laughing. “Even your confession had to be ridiculous.”
“Stop laughing,” he orders, approaching me with a serious expression.
But I can’t stop. “You hate me because you love me? Are you listening to yourself?”
He doesn’t say anything and just grabs the bridge of his nose. “I don’t understand you. I finally have the courage to tell you what I feel. And you laugh?”
I clear my throat. “I’m sorry, really, I’m just . . .”
His expression wavers, and a crooked smile forms on his lips.
“You did it.”
I furrow my brows. “What?”
“Do you remember what you told me in the cemetery that time I asked you what you want? ‘Something very simple,’ you said. ‘I want you to fall in love with me.’”
I grin. “Yes, and you laughed at me. Who’s laughing now, Greek God?” He tilts his head to the side, watching me.
“You caught me, but you also fell in love along the way.”
“Who said I’m in love?”
His approach forces me to step back until my back meets the wall, and, to prevent my escape, he leans over me, caging me in with his hands. He smells of that delicious mixture of expensive cologne and his own scent. I swallow, staring at that perfect face in front of me.
“If you’re not in love, then why did you stop breathing?”
I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. I have no answer to his question, and he knows it.
“And why is your heart beating so fast when I haven’t even touched you?”
“How do you know my heart is racing?” I ask.
He takes my hand and puts it on his chest. “Because mine is.”
Feeling his racing heartbeat under my hand makes my heart flutter.
“This is what I was trying to show you the last time we were together: how I feel about you.” He rests his forehead on mine, and I close my eyes, feeling his heartbeat, holding him so close. When he speaks again, his voice is soft. “I’m sorry.”
I open my eyes to meet that infinite sea of his eyes. “Why?”
“For taking so long to tell you how I feel.” He takes the hand I have on his chest and kisses it. “I’m really sorry.”
He moves even closer, and our breaths mingle. I know he’s waiting for my approval. When I don’t protest, his sweet lips meet mine. The kiss is soft, delicate, but so full of feelings and emotions that I feel the famous butterflies in my stomach. He takes my face with both hands and deepens the kiss, tilting his head to one side. Our lips move in perfect sync. God, I love this boy. I’m so fucked.
He stops but keeps his forehead on mine. I take a breath and speak.
“First time.”
He separates his face a little from me to look at me.
“What?”
“It’s the first time you’ve kissed me, and it’s not sexual.”
He shows me his teeth in that ridiculous smile of his. “Who said it’s not sexual?”
I give him a murderous look, and he stops smiling, as a grim expression appears on his face.
“I have no idea what I’m doing, but I just know I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?” He watches my face, scared of my answer. And that somehow makes me feel powerful. He came here and exposed himself to me. I can make him happy or destroy him. I open my mouth to respond, but the doorbell interrupts me.
I don’t know how I know, but I know it’s Yoshi. Shit!
“Are you expecting someone?” Ares asks.
“Shhh!” I cover his mouth with my hand and force him to back away from the door.
The doorbell rings again, followed by Yoshi’s voice. “Raquel!” I knew it.
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
“You have to hide,” I whisper, releasing his mouth, and dragging him toward the stairs.
“Why? Who is he?” His accusatory tone does not go unnoticed.
“This is no time for jealousy. Come on, walk.”