I’m surprised to see how neat and tidy the room is. Remembering last night’s mess, I wonder how it got clean so fast.
After we finish eating, Ares and I walk out of there, saying goodbye to his friends, which relieves me more than I want to admit. I still don’t feel comfortable with them, and, to be honest, I don’t feel completely comfortable with Ares either. Despite being intimate with him, there are still those awkward silences between us.
Ares guides me to his car to take me home. He gets in and I do the same. It’s a beautiful, modern SUV, but it’s nothing compared to the driver. Ares puts on his sunglasses and looks like a model ready for a photo shoot. He’s wearing jeans and a white shirt that he probably borrowed from Marco. On his right hand, a nice black watch adorns his wrist. He starts the car and turns, catching me staring at him like an idiot.
He puts on some music, and I watch the houses go by through the window.
Tell me a story . . .
I narrow my eyes as the memory of being next to Ares and begging him to tell me a story returns. Did that happen last night? I turn to him and watch him drive. How can he look so sexy doing something as simple as that? The way the muscles in his arm contract when he moves the lever and the confidence with which he turns the wheel make him look irresistible. It makes me want to climb on top of him and kiss him.
Ares stops at a gas station for a few minutes, and I stay in the car, waiting. His cell phone is stuck to the side of the steering wheel with the screen exposed. The announcement of a new message catches my attention and I can see that it’s from Samy. I can’t see the content, just her name there, which flashes again with three more messages. My stomach churns slightly, but I push it away as Ares gets back into the car. He gives me a smile, and I forget about Samy for a few seconds.
“Ares . . .”
“Huh?”
“I . . . ” I like you, I want you, I always want to be with you like this. “Uh . . . nothing.”
I just stare at him like a fool as he drives the rest of the way. My obsession . . .
My beautiful Greek god.
TWENTY-NINE
The Question
- ARES -
The car ride is more uncomfortable than I expected, and it catches me off guard. I clear my throat before speaking.
“Do you want a ride home or to your friend’s house?” I ask, my hands tight on the steering wheel as I take a turn. Raquel is sitting in the passenger seat with her hands in her lap. Is she nervous?
“My friend’s.” She gives me the address, and silence falls between us. I feel the need to fill it, so I turn on the radio just as “i hate u, i love u” by gnash begins to play. The lyrics steal a smile from Raquel, and I begin to sing it with the intention of lightening the awkwardness between us.
“Wow, Ares Hidalgo sings,” she teases. “I should record you and post it; I bet it would get a lot of likes.”
I grin openly at her.
“You’d only help my popularity with girls. You want that?”
“Your popularity with girls? Puh-lease! You’re not even that hot.”
“Not even that hot? That’s not what you were saying this morning. Should I repeat the things you were asking me to do to you?”
I glance at her, and she turns red. Well, this isn’t so bad, she looks much more comfortable now.
“That’s not necessary.”
I reach out my hand and rest it on her thigh.
“That was a good way to start the day.”
“Pervert.”
I squeeze her thigh gently.
“But you like this pervert, don’t you?”
“Ugh, I can’t handle your ego,” she says. “It’s too big.”
“I think that’s what you told me this morning.”
She slaps my shoulder.
“Ah! Stop having dirty thoughts!”
I laugh, and the relief that everything is flowing more smoothly between us is cut short by my phone ringing. I see Samy’s name on the screen and press answer. My cell phone is synced to my car’s audio system so I can talk without having to take my hands off the wheel. Samy says, “Hello,” and it echoes all around us. It doesn’t bother me that Raquel is listening because I have nothing to hide.
“Hello?”
“Hey, what are you doing?” Samy asks, and it sounds like she’s eating something.
“I’m on my way home. Why?”
“I thought you were still at Marco’s. I left some things there the other day. I was going to ask you to bring them to me.”
“I’ve already left.”
Samy sighs on the other end of the line.
“Okay, are we still on for the movie today?” I think I see Raquel tense up next to me, but I attribute it to my imagination.
“Sure, I’ll pick you up at seven,” I confirm.
“See you later, cutie,” she says before hanging up. She’s always called me that.
Silence fills the car, and I curse the call for ruining the good vibe we had built.
“Who was it?” Raquel’s voice is serious.
“Samy.”
“Hmmm, right.” Her hands again twisting in her lap. “Are you going out today?”
I nod, stopping at a traffic light.
“Yeah, we’re going to the movies with the group.”
I take advantage of the traffic light to look at her, but she doesn’t look at me. Her eyes are fixed on the window next to her, and she presses her lips together. She’s back to being awkward with me, and I don’t like it. My thumb taps the steering wheel lightly as I wait for the light to turn green, and when it does, I take one last glance at the girl beside me.
Look at me, Raquel, smile at me, show me that everything is all right.
But she doesn’t and that stresses me out. I don’t want to screw up again, but apparently that’s something that comes naturally to me.
“I have plans too,” she says suddenly, in a strange tone. Did it bother her that I’m meeting my friends? She’s going out too.
What if it’s with that friend of hers?
Raquel looks at me out of the corner of her eye, and I realize that I’ve been silent for a while, and she’s waiting for a reply. But asking her who she’s meeting seems worse than keeping quiet. I don’t know if telling her that I trust her would make it better or worse.
As we park in front of her friend’s house, she barely looks at me as she gets out of the car.
No, this is not right.
Concerned, I get out and follow her.
“Raquel.”
She doesn’t turn around.
“Raquel.” I step in front of her. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” But her eyes dodge mine: she’s lying.
“I don’t understand you. Did I do something wrong?”
“Just forget it, Ares.” Her tone is cold now, and it terrifies me.
“Raquel, look at me.” She does, crossing her arms over her chest. She’s defensive and I have no fucking idea why. I thought that everything was going well and that last night I showed her how much I care. “I’m trying, okay? I’m a mess, but I’m trying.”
“What are you trying to do? You drop me off and then say you’re going out with your ex.” I open my mouth to reply, but she cuts me off. “With your friends, fine, but without me, right? Do you care about me or not? I don’t understand anything anymore. And I don’t want you to hurt me anymore.”
“And I don’t want to hurt you,” I protest. Obviously, I’m failing.
“So, tell me: What do you feel for me?”
The question catches me off guard. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, and I close it again. A sad smile crosses her face.
“When you can answer that question, come find me,” she says.
And with that, she leaves me standing there with the words choking in my throat, and my heart burning in my chest. I can’t answer her question, even though I know the answer.
THIRTY
The Disappointment
- Raquel -
Time heals a broken heart.
Whoever said that needed to specify how much time was needed for that to be true. As the days go by, I only feel worse. I distract myself with school, hanging out with Dani, reading, and going for walks with Rocky. Nothing seems to be working. I guess my feelings will eventually fade but not in a few days.
I’m unsure of how I would react if I were to see Ares again, so I look to Dani. “I need you to be my hand brake.”