The Guilt Trip

“And she refused to look at him or talk to him for the rest of the night,” adds Ali. “As if she was surprised that you had such an active sex life.”

“Did she know you were on to them?” asks Rachel.

“Well, I assumed that Jack would have told her, but she seemed shocked when I confronted her on the beach this morning.”

“That’s what you were talking about?”

Ali nods with a confused expression. “She told you I’d spoken to her?”

“She said that she was warning you off Jack,” says Rachel.

Ali shakes her head. “I wanted to give her the same chance that I’d given Jack: to end it or I’d tell you. But she just laughed and turned everything around on me. Telling me that I’d gotten it all wrong. That the only reason I was making something out of nothing was because I wanted Jack for myself. It seems that, like you, she presumed that something might be going on between us.”

For a split second, Rachel is comforted by the loyalty Paige had shown in her attempt to save her and Jack’s marriage, but then she is hit by the harsh reality of it not being her relationship with Jack that Paige had been trying to protect.

“What were you doing there? On the beach.”

“I knew she was going to meet him,” says Ali. “Do you remember how they mentioned going for a run, so casually, over lunch yesterday?”

Rachel frowns. “And you jumped straight on it and said you’d go too.”

“To try and stop them from having time alone,” says Ali animatedly. “I knew what they were up to and I just couldn’t stand by and let it happen.”

Rachel thinks about how Jack had manipulated her into not bringing her trainers, how Paige had nonchalantly asked if he’d already left, and her body language as Ali had spoken to her on the beach.

“I followed Jack down to the beach and knew she’d be close behind, and sure enough, twenty minutes later, they met.”

“But maybe they just happened to bump into each other,” says Rachel, clutching at straws.

“Have you not heard anything I’ve been saying?” asks Ali, not unkindly. “They’d arranged it like that. They kissed when they met and held hands as they walked.”

“But Paige said you and Jack were together on the beach.”

Ali laughs wryly. “She would, wouldn’t she?”

“So where did Jack go?” asks Rachel.

“Well, as per usual, he scooted off, like the spineless wonder he is,” says Ali bitterly.

“And he hadn’t told Paige you were on to them?”

Ali shakes her head. “No, I don’t think so, otherwise she would have been better prepared. It was only when we were out there”—she tilts her head in the direction of the cliffs—“that she seemed to realize that I would follow through on my threat to tell you.”

“Which is probably why she reacted the way she did,” says Rachel.

Ali nods and a tear escapes onto her cheek. She raises a shaking hand to wipe it away.

“I thought she was going to throw me off the edge. She had me by the shoulders and went to push me.” Her shoulders cave in and her chest convulses as she sobs. “I’m sorry,” she cries. “It’s really shaken me up.”

Rachel refrains from going to her, a part of her still not convinced that she’s telling the truth. Yet how can she not be?

Tears spring to Rachel’s eyes as she realizes that all the time she thought Paige was looking out for her, feigning concern that something was going on between Ali and Jack, she was only ever protecting her own interests. She clenches and unclenches her hands, desperate to feel something in her numb stupor.

“Does Will know…?” she whispers. “Does he know what’s going on?”

Ali shakes her head. “I haven’t told him because I was hoping that Jack would come to his senses. I thought if Paige was out of the picture, we could go back to how the four of us used to be and I didn’t want Will to lose respect for his brother. Though, I’m beginning to regret that now because if I’d been honest from the outset, he wouldn’t have insisted she come to the wedding, and we wouldn’t find ourselves in this situation.”

Rachel looks at her through blurry eyes.

“What are you going to do?” asks Ali.

Rachel sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “First, apologize,” she says. “I’ve thought the very worst of you, only to find out that you’re probably one of the kindest, most considerate people I know.”

Ali looks at her suspiciously, waiting for the killer blow that’s sure to follow.

“I’ll deal with Jack and Paige in my own way,” Rachel goes on. “But I just want to ask you one more thing.”

“Sure,” says Ali, quietly.

“That thing with Noah,” says Rachel, not knowing how best to broach it. “Whatever you may have seen or heard last night wasn’t what it looked like.”

“Noah’s a lovely man,” says Ali.

“Yes, he is,” says Rachel. “We go back a long way.”

Ali nods her head knowingly. “You must have made quite a pair.”

Rachel doesn’t like her intonation. Among everything else that’s going on, she could really do with knowing that whatever Ali thinks might be going on between her and Noah is nothing more than it is.

“We’re good friends,” says Rachel.

“You know he’s still in love with you, don’t you?”

Rachel looks around, panicked, as if that’s the line in this whole conversation she doesn’t want anyone to overhear.

“I…” she starts. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s not a crime to have had other relationships before getting married,” says Ali. “But it is a crime not to follow your heart.”

“It’s not like that,” says Rachel.

“I think you’ll find it is for Noah,” says Ali.

Rachel feels fresh tears spring to her eyes.

“And I don’t doubt that you feel the same,” Ali goes on.

Rachel pulls herself up, waiting for the autopilot she’s trained so well to kick in. She’d come to rely on it over the years, to protect her from the feeling she got whenever she’d see Noah and Paige together. In the beginning, it was like a red-hot poker being driven into her chest; a pain so intense that she didn’t think she could be part of his life anymore. But the thought of never seeing him again was too much to bear, and so she had learned to build an invisible barrier around herself, that had, until now, kept her true feelings at bay.

“It’s not like that,” she says again, though with little conviction.

“You’ve not done anything wrong,” says Ali.

Rachel’s eyes fill with tears. “I have,” she says, wiping them away as they fall onto her cheeks.

“Do you know for sure that Josh isn’t Noah’s son?” asks Ali, looking at her intently.

The weight of the question bears down on her, pinning her to the wall. So she had heard it all.

“No. I don’t know—he might be—but I don’t think so. I just…” She falls to the ground with her head in her hands.

“Ssh,” says Ali, coming to kneel beside her. “You did what you thought was right. I’d have done the same, and if anyone tells you any different, they’re lying.”

“Ali?” calls out a voice that sounds like her mum. “Are you out here?”

“Coming!” Ali shouts back. “Will you be okay?” she adds sincerely.

Rachel nods as she pulls herself up and brushes her dress down. “I’ll be fine.” She sniffs, wiping under her eyes. “Thank you for everything that you’ve tried to do for me, even when I couldn’t have been easy to help.”

“I’m just sorry I couldn’t do what I set out to do,” says Ali, pulling her in for a hug. “But I’m always here if you want to talk.”

“Ali, come on,” shouts her mum. “The fireworks are about to start.”

“Go on,” says Rachel, forcing a smile. “Go and enjoy yourself. It’s your wedding day.”

“Are you sure?” asks Ali, reluctant to leave her.

“Yes,” says Rachel. “Go and start your new life, because this part’s over.”

They squeeze each other’s hands, and Ali’s gone.





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