I could make out Jamie’s muffled giggles from underneath our makeshift tent. “Fine, you wretched woman.” I yanked on the blanket, evening it out across the couch and dining chair as best I could before hopping down. Adjusting the hoodie I’d come to wear every evening down over my leggings, I placed my hands on my hips and admired our creation.
Honestly, I was pretty damn proud of us. We didn’t own many blankets and our couch was as puny as it got—Garrett’s knees had practically touched his chest the night he’d played games with Jamie—but the fort was large enough for the three of us to crowd into. Whether it’d stay up after we let the dogs out of Layla’s room was another story.
“You better not be eating all the popcorn, dude face.” I leaned down, poking my head under the edge of the quilt, and searched for his face in the dark.
“I make no promises.”
Laughing, I raised up, walking over to our DVD player to start the movie. Most people would’ve thought our lack of a TV stand was trashy but having a television directly on the floor was incredibly convenient for movie parties.
Layla was spending the night at her boyfriend’s place, but when Jamie had asked her to build a tent and watch a movie with us, she hadn’t batted an eye. She’d called Rick and let him know she’d be late. I smiled at her, feeling lucky as hell to have her as a role model for my kid.
Cracking open the sodas I’d treated us to, we snuggled up on the floor, pillows strewn about everywhere. We shoved popcorn in our faces, likely all smearing butter across our chins, and watched a Halloween movie about a house trying to eat children. It was exactly what I needed to recover from the absolute hell this week.
It’d been three days since the debacles with Rob and Aaron, and I’d barely slept since. Work had gone fine, the supervisors on both sides of the company sitting down to make sure I was doing all right, yet I couldn’t lose the tension in my shoulders.
I kept waiting for Rob to appear somewhere to punish me. The idea was ridiculous, the reality being I’d probably never see him again, but my imagination wouldn’t listen.
And I hadn’t heard a peep from Aaron. No text, no call, no random car on the street. Nothing. I should be high off my relief, yet my stress level was the only thing that was high.
Although I’d never admit it out loud, I was struggling. I couldn’t get myself to focus on anything the way I needed to, but I also couldn’t relax. I was stuck in a vicious circle of losing, and honestly, I was a catastrophe waiting to happen.
But lying on the living room floor, piled up with my two besties, for a moment I could breathe and forget everything outside of our tent of happiness.
When the movie ended, and we’d all climbed out, I stared at the mess. I was usually a nut case about cleaning and always made Jamie help, but right then, I couldn’t have cared less.
“Hey, Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think I could sign up for soccer?”
I turned to give him my full attention, seeing Layla do the same. Jamie rarely asked for anything that wasn’t video game or book-related. Sports weren’t typically his thing. “What made you want to try soccer?”
He looked down, toeing the carpet nervously. “I’ve always liked soccer. I play it with my friends every day at recess, and my P.E. teacher thinks I should sign up.”
My brows dropped into a frown, “Always? Don’t get me wrong, I think that’s awesome, bud, but I’ve never once heard you talk about it. We don’t even have a soccer ball.”
He pushed his toes around some more, not meeting my eyes. Low, almost at a whisper, he said, “I didn’t want you to have to get another job if I asked to play.”
My arms went limp at my sides. My heart clenched tight, stopping the flow of blood from circulating through my body and sending a chill through me. “What?”
He glanced at Layla before looking at me. “The school league is expensive. I didn’t want you to have to work more to pay for it.” He put his hands up, as if worried I’d agree and shut the conversation down. “But my P.E. teacher told me there’s a form you can fill out so you wouldn’t have to pay for me to join. You’d only have to pay for the uniform.”
I swallowed. And then swallowed again. He wanted to play a sport. He’d always wanted to play a sport, and he’d hid it from me because—fuck, I was going to lose it. The cracks in the dam were spurting and crumbling, and I could do nothing but hold on for dear life and hope to make it to safety before it crashed completely.
“Yeah, bud,” my voice cracked, and I had to force down the lump in my throat, “you can join. When are sign ups?”
His eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning. “Next week.”
“All right. Go brush up and get ready for bed. We’ll talk more about it tomorrow and figure out what I need to do.”
He spun, running around the mass of blankets, but stopped at the hallway entrance. Turning to look at me over his shoulder he said, “I love you, Mom.”
I watched him disappear into the bathroom when the first tear pooled in the corner of my eye. My time was up.
“Go on.” Layla tapped me on the arm and pointed to the front door. “Go break down, it’s okay, mama bear. I’ll read with him tonight. You want me to stay home?”
I choked, the tear escaping down my face as more pooled and burned. “No, I’ll be fine.”
She gave me a small smile that didn’t match her eyes, “Yeah, you always are. Now go.”
I practically ran, my only goal being to get outside before Jamie came back out and saw me fall apart. My ass had only grazed the cement when the tears fell in earnest, leaving hot trails down my cheeks to drip off my jaw onto my clothing.
I curled in on myself, tucking my head into my knees and raising my arms to wrap around the back of my neck. My chest heaved as I pulled in large gulps of air, the silent tears forming a drenched trek down my thighs.
I tried everything, counting, counting backwards, reciting court case information I needed to test on, pinching myself, and holding my breath. But the tears kept coming, and now I desperately needed to blow my nose. Fuck. Why did it feel like every time I climbed an inch up, something kicked me in the face until I slid back a foot?
My heart hurt; a physical pain that wouldn’t lessen no matter how hard I tried. Nothing could make me feel worse than realizing I hadn’t known my child wanted something as simple as playing a freaking sport because he’d been too nervous to tell me. Nothing.
“Hey, everything okay?”
But that might come close.
My head snapped up, my swollen eyes and damp nose on full display for a man who could not have looked better. I pulled my sleeves down over my wrists, wiping at my eyes and wishing with all my might that I had an invisibility cloak I could slip over myself.
Garrett stood a few feet from my porch, appearing like a shadow in his black sweats and t-shirt. He had to be freezing, and the sudden knowledge I had his hoodie on inflamed my face. So now I was wet, swollen, and bright ass red while using his clothing as my own personal tissue. Perfect.
I thought about lying and saying I was fine, but it would’ve just made me look stupid. I was very clearly not fine. Denying the obvious would be pointless. “No. Not really.”
“Yeah, that was a dumb question.”
I winced, wiping my nose discreetly on my knee and tucking my legs in tighter to my chest. “What are you doing over here?”
He shifted his weight, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I was walking to my car and thought I heard something.”
I glanced at his feet, my eyes narrowing, which wasn’t much since they were practically swollen shut. I hadn’t thought I’d made any noise.
“You were going somewhere with no shoes on?” I hiccupped, making my words come out squeaky and pathetic.
His tongue darted out before he pulled his bottom lip into his mouth. I subconsciously clenched my thighs closer together, eyes pinned to his mouth for reasons I didn’t want to explore.
“I was…looking for something.”
“Oh.”
He pulled a hand out of his pocket, gesturing to my stoop. “Mind if I have a seat?”