As soon as we get to the driveway of the lax house, there’s the sound of muffled music and shouting. The smell of weed gets stronger the closer we get, until we find six people leaning over the railing on the back porch, passing a vape pen back and forth. A few of them look over their shoulders at the creak of our footsteps on the rickety wood. One of them calls out Bailey’s name, long and slow.
“Save some for me,” she says just before we go in the house.
We step right into a mass of bodies, people yelling and laughing in every room, the smell of liquor almost overwhelming. The bass makes the air vibrate around us, the music is so loud. One of the lamps is blown out, giving the living room this lowlight, dingy club feel.
The whole house is packed with both the men’s and women’s lacrosse teams and some of their friends. Delilah and Jade push their way toward the kitchen, but Bailey sticks with me, introducing me to her teammates and the guys. I’ve met some of them around campus, and they slap me on the back and offer me drinks. They have my sister on a pedestal as the captain of the women’s team and a two-time Tewaaraton Award winner, so hockey fans or not, I’m nothing more than Bailey’s brother to them.
I have this light feeling in my chest. A rare happiness that comes from seeing one of my sisters be given the respect and recognition she deserves.
After a couple hours, I end up squished between Delilah and Jade on a couch that sinks so low, we might as well be on the floor. It smells like it’s been soaked in alcohol and scrubbed down at least a dozen times over the years. I run a finger along the rim of an unopened beer can while one of my sister’s boyfriends, Sidney, leans forward to spread a deck of cards facedown around a Black Panther collector’s cup, explaining the King’s Cup house rules. Bailey and Karim whisper to each other behind his back, all smiles and heart eyes. The three of them are squeezed onto the love seat across from us, and a bunch more people are on the floor around the table, a few lucky ones snagging an armchair for themselves. This isn’t even half the people at this party.
But even with this crowd, I can’t stop looking over at Bailey, Sid, and Karim. They’ve been together since their freshman year, and they’re still going strong. Not Bailey and Sidney and Bailey and Karim. Bailey, Sidney, Karim. Sid and Karim show each other just as much affection as they do with Bailey.
It’s so natural and easy with them, and that’s the reason they’re the only ones I’ve come out to besides Nova. Not even Delilah knows I’m bi.
Sid and Karim got lucky with the Royals. Lax bro and hockey culture are notoriously homophobic, but the entire Hartland athletics department is super vocal in their support of You Can Play and puts up a zero-tolerance policy for any kind of bigotry. Almost makes me feel like I could be open about myself one day.
Except when the hockey media caught wind of Bailey’s polyam relationship, it was the most they’d ever talked about her. Everything she’s done on the lacrosse field, all her awards and championships meant nothing. It was only a matter of time before Delilah got outed, too. She got a single sentence in an article about college hockey when she led the NCAA in points last season, but when they found out she’s a lesbian, suddenly people knew who she was. Bailey and Delilah, the James family scandals … for now.
When Dad jumped in to defend them, it was the closest I’ve ever felt to him.
I crack open my beer and take a gulp. Then I lower my head and watch Karim lean forward to whisper in Sid’s ear while Delilah and Jade flirt back and forth over my head, and take another one.
I swear I’m not jealous. I pretty much have a girlfriend. Kind of. I mean, Nova and I promised to marry each other if we’re still single by thirty. It’ll never happen, what with Nova being a supermodel with actual celebrities sending her roses and taking her to dinner in different countries every week. But she’s my favorite person in the world. I don’t deserve her and I’d be beyond lucky to have her.
I take out my phone and send Nova a picture of the table covered in facedown cards and beer cans as one of Bailey’s teammates, Marcie, flips over an eight. “Mate,” she says, and immediately looks at me. “Mickey James.”
Everyone in the room’s got something to say about that. I just lift my drink and reach across the table for a cheers with my new mate. Marcie’s a sophomore attacker who won rookie of the year last year and will probably take over Bailey’s captaincy when she graduates. She’s a damn good lacrosse player, and she’s got dimples when she smiles at me.
See? No need to be jealous.
* * *
BEING PAIRED UP right at the start of King’s is a surefire way to get super drunk super fast. Karim makes a rule that everyone has to keep a bottle cap on their head during the game, which Marcie keeps failing at when she tilts her head toward me or laughs too hard. Then Sid makes another rule where we have to say hashtag in front of everything we say, which I just don’t want to do, so we both are continuously chugging our drinks. Marcie ends up on the couch next to me at some point, probably around the time Jade climbs into Delilah’s lap. She’s got her arm draped over my shoulder and her head bent against mine.
I turn to say something to her, putting our faces close enough that we’re breathing each other’s air.
That’s when the back door bursts open and Zero shouts from the other room, “Attention, lax bros and brahs!”
Zero. As in Luca Cicero. As in my captain.
“You have something that belongs to the men’s hockey team,” Zero says. “Please do return it.”
“Kill me,” I mutter as the clomping of footsteps finds its way into the den. Zero and Kovy stand in the archway, taking in the sight of me with a girl practically in my lap. They look like total opposites, what with Zero in his standard floral print, this time on a button-down and the brim of his snapback, and Kovy in his blue polo and gray chinos.
“Come on.” Zero snaps his fingers at me like I’m a dog. “Andiamo. You’ve consorted with the enemy long enough.”
I glare at him. I should tell him no, stay right here where I am.
But I can’t hide from the team forever. After what happened at practice today, it’d be better to face the drama now than let it simmer till the season starts.
I push myself off the couch and brace for a second as the rush of my drinks finally hits me. My whole body thrums as I stalk toward my captains. They grin at me like they’ve accomplished some impossible feat and lead me outside, away from my sisters, away from Marcie, away from a night I was actually enjoying.
Kovy shoves a bottle of water at me on the back porch. “Sober up, Majesty. You got a long night ahead of you.”
I take the bottle. My stomach is rolling and my tongue tastes like whiskey vomit. At least I’m walking in a straight line. I think.
“Are you hazing me?” I ask as we start down the hill back toward the main road.
Zero looks straight-up aghast at that. “You think we’d risk suspension with a team this good? We’ve made Frozen Four three seasons in a row. This is my last chance at a championship, and I am not throwing it away over some hazing scandal.”
“We don’t haze. We bond,” Kovy adds. “And you’ve missed all our team bonding.”
“I’m not social,” I say.
Kovy gives this kind of bewildered laugh, short and high-pitched. “Which is why we just pulled you out of the lax house. Where Marcie was literally on top of you.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
Zero closes his eyes and shakes his head as we pass under a streetlight. “Look. We’ve got a lot of talent on this team. But that won’t matter if one of our best players isn’t on board with the rest of us. Is it because of the royalty garbage? If it makes you that uncomfortable, we’ll stop.”
“That’s not it,” I say quickly. His niceness makes me feel, I don’t know, guilty, I guess?
“Then what is it? We can’t fix it if you don’t tell us.”
I kick a rock down the hill. There’s a perfect view of the lake from here. Hell, there’s a perfect view of the lake from most places on and around campus. Part of me wishes I could stay here and get a degree, just so I can keep seeing this every day.