“If I’m offered a contract, I’m taking it,” I say. No hesitation. “I’m privileged enough I don’t need that full ride, so I’m gonna take online classes and do my field work in the summer and open up a roster spot and scholarship for another player who needs it. I’ll miss the guys, I’ll miss Hartland, but I want as many other people to have the opportunity to experience that place and that team as possible.”
Alyssa’s wide-eyed, like she has to change everything she’s ever thought about me after a single interview. By the time it’s done, my family and I have to practically race to our seats, and I didn’t get a chance to see Cauler first.
It’s not hard to spot the Royals, a mass of purple along the rail in the three hundred level. Dorian and Zero and Kovy are on their feet, dancing along with the club-like music and laser lights like they’re at a rave. Nova and Barbie are next to each other taking a selfie that shows up on my phone a minute later, them making kissy faces surrounded by heart emojis. Jade, Sid, and Karim sit behind them.
I scan the crowd of prospects and their families, looking for Cauler, but I don’t see him.
Mickey: Where are youuuuuu
Jaysen: 105 fifth row up
Sorry got pulled into too many interviews
I find him a second later, sitting with his mom and dad and Shae. He waves at me from across the floor packed with management from all thirty-two teams and I wave back, maybe a little too enthusiastically.
Mickey: You look good Jaysen: You can barely see me
Mickey: But i still know you look good
He sends back eye roll emojis and then a bunch with their tongues sticking out, and I really hope there’s no camera on me right now because I am blushing.
Jaysen: My parents wanna do a big family breakfast with your family tomorrow Mickey: You mean i have to meet your parents with my whole family with me???
You have met my sisters right.
Jaysen: Yeah
Which means it’s only fair
Mickey: I guess i can do that
This is taking forever. My knee starts bouncing and Mom presses her shoulder against me and even though I have been preparing for this night my entire life, I have never been this nervous.
Mickey: I might puke
Jaysen: Save it for gary bettman Mickey: Omgggg no
Worst nightmare
Jaysen: I’m gonna trip up the stairs probably so I’ll share the humiliation
Mickey: There is a big difference between
tripping up some stairs
and puking on the gd commissioner
Jaysen: Idk i bet you’d get tons of cheers for that
That’s when Gary Bettman chooses to make his way onto the stage to his standard chorus of boos. He takes it in stride, used to it by now, smiling as he talks. The massive screen behind him that was playing highlights of the top ten prospects is now switched over to nothing but the draft logo. The longer he talks, the more my anxiety builds.
We got lucky. First two teams up are the Senators and Panthers. Both in the Atlantic division. We’ll play each other and our hometown teams at least four times a season. One of us gets Canada’s capital and the other gets the Everglades.
Unless something outrageous happens and one of us drops to third and gets sent all the way to LA.
At least they have Dorian.
Jaysen: Loser pays for our next date Mickey: Hope you’ve been saving up
I’m craving steak and lobster
“Let’s get started,” Gary Bettman finally says. My heart plummets. I’ve been waiting eighteen years for this and here it is. The moment I’ve been working toward my whole life. Mom takes my sweaty hand and Dad pats my knee. “The first selection of this year’s NHL Draft belongs to the Ottawa Senators.”
They have three minutes to put their pick in. Three minutes of straight-up agony, trying to keep still as cameras pan over me, trying not to look as sick as I feel. I look at Cauler every few seconds to find him fidgeting with his tie, staring at the screen where they’re back to clips of the two of us, chewing his lip. His parents take turns rubbing his arms to calm him.
By the time Ottawa takes the stage, I’m on the verge of cardiac arrest. The owner comes forward to thank their fans for their support and Denver for their hospitality during draft week and I want to scream.
Can they just? Get on with it?
Finally. Finally.
After eighteen years of anticipation, Ottawa’s GM steps up to the mic. “The Ottawa Senators,” he says, “are proud to select, from the Hartland University Royals…”
I look at Cauler.
He’s looking at me.
And that matters far more than the name called first.
THE END
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
HOCKEY IS AN amazing sport. It takes an outstanding amount of strength and tenacity, and even a bit of grace. This sport has been a major part of my life, growing up in Buffalo during a time when it could be called Hockey Heaven. Unfortunately, hockey culture is known for its toxic masculinity, overwhelming whiteness, homophobia, and inaccessibility. I first and foremost need to thank those organizations putting in the work to make hockey a welcoming place to players like Mickey and Jaysen, Dorian and Barbie: Black Girl Hockey Club, Hockey Diversity Alliance, the You Can Play Team, and Pride Tape.
Thank you so, so much to my incredible agent, Jennifer Azantian, for believing in me through genre changes and always having comforting words when everything gets overwhelming. Thank you to Benjamin Baxter, Brent Taylor, the whole of the ALA family, and to Kim Yau.
To Rachel Murray, for her incredible insight and understanding these characters even better than I do. To Liz Dresner for making this book gorgeous, and Amalas Rosa for bringing my boys to stunning life. To Lelia Mander, Allene Cassagnol, Cynthia Lliguichuzhca, and the rest of the team at Godwin Books / Henry Holt BYR for all their hard work.
Thank you to Rosiee Thor and Marisa Kanter for being my Writer Friends for the past decade (omg!!), and being there for me every step of the way. To Carly Heath for telling me to let Mickey know things. To all my fellow #22debuts for letting me lurk, too stunned by all of your greatness to speak up.
To my parents, for always supporting this unrealistic dream of mine, and my sisters for being my closest friends through it all. I hope you see a bit of yourselves in the James sisters. To Gage and Lexi, for putting up with all the times I bailed on plans because I gotta work, and all the friends I’ve made on the DM Ace server for always hyping me up. And to my husband, Rushtin, for loving me through it all.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A. L. Graziadei was born in Buffalo, New York, and raised on Sabres hockey and video games, using their free time to write books inspired by both. Now living in Wisconsin, A. L. still plays plenty of video games and is a proud member of the Displaced Buffalo Sabres Fans group. Icebreaker is their first book. You can sign up for email updates here.