I give her a small nod and an even smaller smile. My breathing’s evened out and my heart’s not pounding anymore. I feel lighter somehow.
“You knew?” Delilah demands. Bailey quirks an eyebrow, holding eye contact while she takes a long sip of her tea.
“Anyone else wanna come out today?” Nicolette says. “Now’s the time to do it. Nova?”
Nova clicks her tongue and sets down her coffee mug. “Sadly, I am still exclusively attracted to guys.”
Nicolette jerks her chin toward me. “Surprised this one didn’t ruin them for you.”
We all laugh, and I’ve never been so grateful to have Delilah and Bailey at the same school as me as I am while watching the rest of them leave. If I didn’t have them standing next to me as everyone else got in the car with Mom and Dad to head to the airport, I might’ve dropped out right then and there and gone with them.
Paul Duggan @duggerfest ? 1d
Caulfield—charismatic asshole
James—socially inept asshole
Cicero—clueless asshole
The Royals top line is just a line of assholes.
Mickey James III @mjames17 ? 6m
Replying to @duggerfest
If calling someone a little shit and pulling them around the ice by their jersey makes someone charismatic, it’s no wonder I’m the socially inept one.
Jaysen Caulfield @jaycaul21 ? 6m
Replying to @duggerfest @mjames17
Congrats, you learned how to use social media. You are now slightly less inept but still just as much of a little shit as before
Mickey James III @mjames17 ? 5m
If you can teach me how to be charismatic maybe I’ll teach you how to lift a puck over a goalie pad
Jaysen Caulfield @jaycaul21 ? 5m
That might be the funniest thing you’ve ever said terzo. @Duggerfest you might wanna amend your labels. James is both the socially inept one and the clueless one
Mickey James III @mjames17 ? 3m
I have literally stood open at the post in practice like 12 times just for you to put a shot right into colie’s pads. Wrists and follow through cauler. Lift. The puck.
Jaysen Caulfield @jaycaul21 ? 2m
I take it back. THAT was the funniest thing you’ve ever said. You’re really gonna talk about being open at the post after last night’s game? That’s bold, Terzo.
Mickey James III @mjames17 ? 1m
If I had any faith in your accuracy I would’ve passed to you no problem
Jaysen Caulfield @jaycaul21 ? 36s
Are you for real right now? This is a joke right. This is you trying to improve your social skills by telling terrible jokes. Otherwise nothing you just said made any sense
Paul Duggan @duggerfest ? 21s
Is this really happening in my @’s rn
EIGHTEEN
Zero grabs the shoulder of my hoodie and pulls. It’s either get choked or follow, so I throw back my chair and stagger after him. My phone drops to the floor with a heavy thud. He doesn’t give me time to pick it up, just keeps dragging me along behind him. Some of the guys lean back in their chairs and peek over the walls of their study carrels to watch.
We’re heading right for Cauler.
Kill me.
All I see is his back from here, headphones over his ears, but I’m sure he’s hunched over his phone waiting for my half-typed reply. Zero grabs him the same way he grabbed me, but it’s not so easy to manhandle him. Cauler slides off his headphones and puts them around his neck.
“Let’s go,” Zero barks. “Leave your phone.”
Cauler sets it facedown on his desk and stands slowly. He gives me a cool look, but I keep my face as neutral as possible as Zero drags us toward the exit.
“You two are gonna sit out in the cold until you stop acting like teenagers,” he says.
“But we are teenagers,” Cauler says. I roll my eyes.
“Embarrassments to this team is what you are,” Zero snaps. “Fighting on Twitter? Seriously? Analysts are already up your asses and now you pull this shit?” He holds the door open and pushes us out onto the bridge outside the library. “Figure your shit out before you ruin my championship season. You have till the end of study hall.”
He pulls the door closed behind him and leaves us. It’s quiet. Everyone’s in the dorms on the other side of campus recovering from last night, and it’s pretty much just us overachieving athletes out here. The black wood of the bridge is covered by leaves from the branches arching over it, and I am totally focused on that just so I don’t have to acknowledge this awkward tension as Cauler and I stand facing each other in silence.
I pull up my hood and stuff my hands in the pocket, hunching my shoulders against the wind. I hope I get sick just so I can sneeze on Zero as revenge for whatever this is.
I’m not about to speak first. Sure, this is probably my fault. Definitely my fault. But there’s no way I’m admitting to it.
Cauler holds out for what feels like a solid two minutes before he says, “They’re probably in there making bets on if we’re gonna make out or not.”
I start walking away before he catches me blushing. I only make it a few steps before leaves start crunching behind me. Part of me is thrilled he’s following after saying something like that, but the rest of me hates myself for it. It’s not like we’re really gonna start making out right now just because the boys want us to.
Great, now that’s all I can think about. How are we supposed to figure our shit out if I’m too busy fantasizing to talk to him?
Cauler catches up by the time I step off the bridge, and he seems to know exactly where I’m heading, turning toward the lake without waiting for me. We make it all the way past Main, the dock in sight before he speaks again. “If you really don’t trust my accuracy, we can hit the rink right now and clear that up. But I think you’re full of it.”
I sigh, and mutter, “You’re probably right.”
“Then what was that about?”
There’s more people outside now that we’re by one of the dorms and the dining hall. There’s some girls sitting under the giant sycamore in front of Main in sweaters and leggings and scarves, sipping from paper coffee cups and looking at us for a little too long as we pass. A guy’s crossing the bridge over the creek from the other dorms, tapping on his phone, glancing up to watch his step. His eyes follow when he spots us.
I duck my head. “Not here.” I say it as if I’m actually gonna explain myself once we’re not being watched.
The dock is empty, and I can’t tell if I’m relieved or disappointed that I don’t have an excuse to keep quiet. I go to my usual spot at the end and sit, kicking my legs out over the water. Cauler sits too close. For someone who can’t stand me, he’s got no problem being in my space.
A gust of wind comes in off the lake, making me shiver. I pull my feet up onto the dock and wrap my arms around my knees. My hood blocks him from my periphery, which is fine by me. Can’t stare at his mouth that way.
I wait for him to say something. To tear into me for that play, call me out for being selfish. Tell me whatever we were is officially over.
But I want to fix this. I want to get back to the flirting, the kissing, if we can. At least then we were having some fun with each other.
“Sorry for being a little shit,” I mumble.
“You’re always a little shit,” Cauler says. “You’ll have to be more specific.”
I look down at the lake and sigh. “In the game yesterday. Just now on Twitter.”
Cauler hums. I glance over as he brings a knee up to prop under his chin. “That game was a joke all around. I’m over it. Mostly surprised you know how to send a tweet, honestly.”
I don’t say anything. I’ve got that same heavy feeling in my chest that I got before I came out to my sisters earlier. Words trying to force their way through my teeth before I’ve had time to think them through. It’s just …
“It’s hard, playing in front of my dad,” I blurt out.