I give a stilted nod. “I’d like that.”
He lowers himself into an elegant bow and then turns and leaves the room. The guard removes himself once more, while I return to the table and sip on tea that’s now gone cold, though I don’t really notice it.
In my father’s eyes, I’m still an accessory—and an inadequate one at that. Yet every time he’s tried to marry me off, it always falls through because he won’t settle for anything less than an exorbitant price for my hand.
After all, he knows that by marrying me off, he’s handing off his kingdom too. And his kingdom is in dire straits, so tangled with debt that it will take a hefty pair of shears to cut through it. Lucky for him, Tyndall apparently has solid gold ones.
The soft whispers of my ladies make my gaze snap to them, the hair on the back of my neck rising like a bristling cat’s.
Get out. Go away. Stop your mindless, stupid chatter.
That’s what I want to say. That’s what I would do, if I were queen.
If this marriage contract actually goes through, I can have a husband who can come to love me. I can actually have some power here in my own kingdom, even though I have no magic to speak of.
I can have some control. I can be happy. I can have a child of my own and raise another Colier heir worthy of the throne, who will have enough magic to keep it.
Tyndall Midas feels like the answer to my unspoken hope. So I close my eyes, deciding I’m actually going to voice them.
Great Divine, hear my prayers...
I wake with a start.
My eyes are wide, my ears throbbing with the sound of my own whispered plea in my head, like an undying echo. Even my cheek seems to sear from Tyndall’s long-ago touch, like it was just moments ago, rather than years.
Fool.
I was a naive, ignorant fool.
Sharp bitterness rises like shards of ice on my tongue that I try to swallow down. The dream was an exact replica, as if that memory was plucked from my consciousness and played out behind my tired eyes.
Why my mind would torment me with that now, I’ve no idea.
Probably because I’m stuck in the back of a wooden cart, using my coat for a blanket, with a curved hillside as the only form of shelter. Why is it that when you’re physically vulnerable, your mind decides to become vulnerable too?
I sit up, my movements stiff with aggravation. The shelter from the snowy hilltop is paltry and laughable, but it keeps the wind at bay somewhat. What it doesn’t keep at bay are the memories that keep jumping up in my mind like snapped springs, breaking through the mattress to cut right into me without warning.
Times with Tyndall repeat while I’m asleep. But when I’m awake, I see Jeo. I see my freckled saddle getting stabbed in the snow, his blood as red as his hair. I see the shadowed man distorting dark and light, eyeing me beneath a hood and pointing at me like death incarnate come to hunt me down.
My body involuntarily shivers, though it’s not from the cold. The cold doesn’t even seem to touch me.
“My queen?”
Shifting my body, I slam a barrier between those memories as I lean over the cart. I see Sir Pruinn sprawled on the ground with the horses, their saddle blankets spread beneath them as a feeble layer against the snow.
Despite our hard travel, he doesn’t look rumpled. His tailored clothing is still unwrinkled, his boots holding their shine, and his jaw clean-shaven, though I don’t know when he’s had time to shave. His skin doesn’t even seem to be chapped from the freezing cold air that always pelts at our faces.
“I wish to get moving for the day, Sir Pruinn.”
He sits up from where he was resting against the animal, seeking its heat, head tilting up as if he needs to do that in order to confirm it’s still dark out. “It’s not yet dawn.”
“It’s not far off,” I reply before I turn and grab my coat, pulling it on. The waterskin Pruinn gave me falls out from its folds, hitting the wooden planks of the cart with a thump. “The water has frozen.”
I hear him sigh, but then he’s up and on his feet, stretching slightly before he comes over to take it. As he does, he brushes against my fingers, and his dark and severely arched eyebrows lift. “My queen, you should really reconsider sleeping on the cart. The horses offer warmth—”
“And they’d offer their stench too,” I say, cutting him off.
“Yes, but...”
“I’m fine on the cart, Sir Pruinn,” I say primly. “What I’m not fine with is wasting time.”
Without waiting for a reply, I step off the cart and trudge through the snow to do my morning ministrations. It’s completely uncivilized being exposed and forced to squat like an animal, with the snowfall as a washbasin.
When I’m finished, I come back to where Pruinn has already hitched and fed the horses. Fortunately for us, the bottom of the cart was loaded with bales of hay and a couple bushels of food. Even with rationing, our supply has already dwindled to half.
We haven’t discussed what will happen if the horses run out of hay and can no longer carry us. Or what will occur once our own reserves run dry. I’m not sure I want to know.
I walk over as he’s finishing up with the animals, the sky dim. A drab veil is cast over it, as if even the clouds feel subdued this morning. “How many more nights am I expected to be out in the elements of Sixth Kingdom like this?”
He rifles through his shoulder bag, pulling out a familiar pouch. After digging into it, he hands me an oat bar. That, plus jerky and dried fruit, makes up the entirety of what we’ve been living off of, along with melted snowfall for water. “Since we’re getting such an early start, we should be out of it by tomorrow.”
My hand drops, oat bar and thirst forgotten. “We’ll be out of the elements tomorrow?” I say, hope burgeoning in my tone. There are no cities or villages out this way, of that I’m sure, but perhaps a traveling merchant such as himself knows of a lone homestead? Somewhere that we can sleep inside and be fed something more than travel packs?
But Sir Pruinn shakes his head, pulling the hood of his coat over his shorn blond hair, just as it begins to lightly snow. “Not the elements. We’ll be out of Sixth Kingdom.”
This stops me short. “Already?”
“Remember the map?” he says with a smile, his gray eyes almost twinkling. My hackles rise, because he’s talking about the map that apparently shows me how to reach my heart’s greatest desire. “It showed me a shortcut.”
My back stiffens. “Of course it did.”
“I thought that would make you happy, my queen.”
Would it make you happy, Princess?
I grind my teeth loud enough to drown out the memory of Tyndall’s words in my head, and then spin back toward the cart, settling myself into it for another long day of endless traveling. Toward what? I’ve no idea. Perhaps it’s all a lie, and Sir Loth Pruinn, the strange albeit magnetic traveling merchant, is nothing but a fraud. Perhaps he’s leading me to the ruined Seventh Kingdom, where he’ll toss me off the edge of the world.
I would be happy.
Fool.
Naive, ignorant fool.
CHAPTER 23
AUREN
It’s been a whole week. Seven days of training. I sleep until dusk, by which point Slade has already disappeared to wherever he goes, and then I get dressed and come here to train with Judd until I want to pass out. Then I wash myself as best I can without getting my bandages wet, and join everyone for dinner.
I don’t cook it. I think we’ve all agreed that’s for the best.
After dinner, I usually join in with the others playing cards while Hojat reads or mixes up some new tincture to try on Digby or myself. The storm still hasn’t stopped. I can hear it blowing through the entrance of the cave at all hours, raging against the shelter of the Grotto.