“What?”
“What other people think of you. You’re very self-conscious about how you come across.”
She glances up at me. “Well. Yeah. It’s okay for you guys. No one ever criticises you. Zack’s nickname is Zack Hard-On, for God’s sake. He’s celebrated for being a slag. You’ve seen what people have been saying about me online already, haven’t you?”
I frown. “Does it bother you?”
“It doesn’t bother me,” she huffs. “But I don’t exactly want them to do it more.” She stabs a piece of lettuce with her fork. “When I was a teenager…” she pulls a face. “I wasn’t the most popular kid. I dealt with some shit. And I guess it got in my head.”
It suddenly hits me how little we know about Layla. We’ve known the girl for three years, but she’s still so damn secretive.
As I watch, she cuts her lasagne, crossing her legs and looking around the table uncomfortably. On our last date, she completely relaxed around us; but now she’s locked up again.
I’ve overdone it. The flowers and the candles, me taking her coat and pulling out her chair — she hates all of it. I screwed up.
“You know what? Let’s make this easier.” I stand and pick up both of our plates, carrying them to the sofa. Zack catches on and brings over the drinks, laying them on the coffee table.
“What are you doing?” Layla asks, standing.
“Making you more comfortable. I thought it would be a good idea to simulate a dinner date at a restaurant, but clearly you’re not enjoying that.”
“It’s not that I don’t like it!” She says quickly. “I just… it seems so…”
“Fake?” Zack says cheerfully. “Stiff? Forced?”
Layla dithers. “Unnatural,” she says eventually. “It’s hard for me to relax when you’re being so formal. Makes me feel like I’m getting judged. But that doesn’t mean we have to stop.”
“Anyone who doesn’t care about whether or not you’re comfortable is a shitty date,” I tell her, sitting down on the sofa and patting the spot next to me. “It’s fine. C’mon. Sit and eat.”
Her shoulders slump in relief. “Thanks,” she mutters, slipping onto the sofa between me and Zack. I pass over her drink, and Zack pulls her into his side. I can feel her tense body relaxing between us as she snuggles down.
“Okay.” She takes a deep breath. “What now?”
EIGHTEEN
LAYLA
Josh passes me my plate. “We get to know each other.”
My insides immediately clam up. “I already know you both.”
“Not everything.” His dark eyes flash up to mine. “There are lots of things I don’t know about you. You’re not a particularly chatty person.”
I swallow, looking back down at my plate. “Maybe I like it that way.”
“On dates, people talk, Layla. That’s the point.”
I sigh, poking at my lasagne. “Alright, then. Ask me something.”
He pauses for a few seconds. I tighten my grip on my fork, praying that he won’t ask anything embarrassing.
I didn’t expect to be so nervous on this date. After the last one, I was hoping that I’d be more relaxed, but it feels like I’m right back where I started. Josh and Zack have both lost their suit jackets and ties, and they look absolutely edible with their collars open, sleeves rolled up. Zack stretches next to me, unsubtly wrapping an arm around me, and my heartrate just ratchets even higher.
“What made you get into fashion design?” Josh asks.
I relax. This one’s easy. “Well. It all started out because I was a scholarship student. Emery High — the school where Luke taught me — is a private academy. My parents couldn’t afford the tuition, but I got a scholarship.” I take a bite of food, chewing quickly. “Problem was, the whole uniform cost about two grand altogether. I used to scrounge second-hand stuff from the lost property and try to tailor it to fit me. Took out hems, stitched up holes, stuff like that. But no matter how good I got at sewing, the clothes still looked old. I stuck out in my class like a sore thumb. It wasn’t particularly fun being The Poor Kid.”
“Posh knobs,” Zack mutters, trying to steal some melted cheese off my plate.
I bat him away, smiling when he kisses my cheek in apology. “I was working in a shopping centre at the time, in the lingerie section. They’d given all the employees some store credit as a Christmas bonus, and I saw this push-up in the clearance section. It was hot pink and bright orange lace. I thought it was hot as Hell, so I bought it and wore it to school the next day. And I felt… confident. Pretty. Underneath my ugly, patched up clothes, I had something special on.” I shrug. “I wanted to make other people feel like that. So I signed up for A-levels in Textiles and Design, got into London Fashion School for undergrad, and the rest is history.”
Josh smiles slightly. “You had your whole life planned out when you were sixteen?”
“Are you surprised?”
“Not at all.” He spears a piece of tomato. “Your parents must be proud.”
“I think they’re a bit confused that I went to such a fancy school and came out determined to sell undies, but they’re supportive. I don’t see them much.”
“You’re not close?”
“I just… don’t have time. I don’t even remember the last time I had a day off.”
“You should see them,” Josh says quietly. “I bet they miss you.”
I glance across at him. “What about you? How does your family feel about you talking about handcuffs and squirting on the internet?”
“My brother thinks it’s hilarious. My dad…” he pauses for a moment, his face glossing over. “He’s…”
“A total prick,” Zack supplies.
Josh nods. “He has informed me on multiple occasions that having a son who runs an ‘agony aunt’ column is deeply embarrassing. But I don’t exactly care about his opinion. He’s a terrible person.”
Crap. “And your mum?” I follow up, almost scared to ask.
Josh doesn’t say anything, spinning his water glass between his fingers. I may be socially stunted, but I know how to take a hint, so I turn to Zack. “What about your parents?”
“They don’t mind me doin’ the podcast,” he says happily. “I think they’re still kinda sad I’m not playing rugby, though. It was my dream ever since I was a kid. They were as cut up as me when I injured my knee.”
“Did you have to get surgery?”
“Oh, aye.” He yanks up the ankle of his dress trousers, showing me the long scar striping down the front of his knee.
I trace my finger over the raised skin. “I wish I could’ve seen you play rugby.”
“I’m glad you didn’t, love. I was a prick back then.”
“You’re a prick now,” I say kindly. “Does it still hurt?”
He smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “S’fine.”
“It sometimes still gives out,” Josh says drily. “I keep telling him to get it checked out, but he won’t listen.”
“Hate hospitals,” Zack mutters. “It’s fine.”
I lean against his side. “I’m sorry you had to stop playing. That must have been awful.”
He looks pathetic. “It was. Sometimes I even amaze myself with my own bravery and resilience. Will you kiss me better?”
“I guess I have to,” I sigh, setting down my plate. “You are my boyfriend. Get here, then.”
“Nice,” Zack mutters, dropping his trouser leg and pulling my mouth roughly to his.
I kiss him back hard, melting against him. It’s hard to imagine that one week ago, I thought I didn’t like kissing. I think I could kiss Josh and Zack all day and not get enough. As Zack gently nudges my mouth open, licking into me, I feel my belly flip, warmth spreading through me.
Suddenly, I feel another hot mouth on my neck. I gasp as Josh presses in behind me, trailing a line of soft, sucking kisses down my throat. Immediately, my whole body goes into overdrive. If getting kissed by one guy was hot, being kissed by two men, my body sandwiched between theirs, is practically orgasmic. I have to force back a shiver as Josh licks a hot line down the side of my throat. I can already feel my underwear getting damp as arousal coils inside me. My head starts to spin. I can’t get enough air in.