“Yes, you did.” His voice takes on a more soothing tone. “The first day I met you, you were this scrawny kid with protruding bones and marks all over your body. You were obviously hurt, hungry, thirsty, and scared. You were so scared, you shook with it, but even then, at eight years old, you pushed Teal behind you and came out first. Even though it seemed like your brain told you to run, you didn’t. You stood there, head held high and eyes never looking sideways. It was as if you were giving the world the middle finger and telling it that you wouldn’t run anymore, you wouldn’t hide. You wouldn’t be told what to do. From that point on, you’d fight. For yourself and your sister. You had a fire in your eyes, one that rose from the ashes of sealing your past. That fire is the reason I decided to raise you, Knox, but I always knew it hid a deeper layer, a layer you refuse to face, even as an adult.”
My grip tightens on the knife and I take a deep breath to slow down the fucking pounding in my chest. “What do you want me to face, Dad? My whore mother who sold us out for some drugs or the father whose identity she didn’t even know? They’re both gone, and it’s pointless to think about them.”
He faces me, a dip appearing between his brows. “That’s where you’re wrong. They’re may be gone, but the damage they left behind isn’t.”
“I’m fine, Dad. I’m a lawyer, the youngest partner in the firm, in fact, and bloody brilliant at what I do. I’m not a criminal or a lowlife or a manipulator. I. Am. Fine.”
“That’s what Teal said before she broke down.”
I pause, letting the knife fall to the chopping board because I’m tempted to jam it against my own veins just to see blood.
That was one of the reoccurring thoughts I had as a teen, but I resisted, knowing it would make Dad and T sad. There was no way in fuck I would be the cause of misery for the people I cared about the most.
He meets my gaze, his voice lowering even further, as if he doesn’t want to disturb my shadows. “Teal only got better when she faced it, Knox.”
“I’m not her.”
“No, you’re not. You’re worse. At least she recognizes something is wrong and doesn’t go pretending everything is perfect. You need to start doing the same if you wish to keep that girl. No woman likes a man trapped with demons from his childhood.”
Before I can say anything, the door to my bedroom opens and my focus immediately shifts in that direction. Teal comes out first, alone, wearing her poker face, which is a typical expression of hers.
She really only laughs and smiles easily around her husband and son. Gone are the days when I was the only one she smiled at.
I might have hated Ronan a bit at first for taking her away, but I couldn’t hold a grudge for long, considering how much he means to her.
How alive she is when he’s around.
Elsa is arm in arm with Anastasia, who’s now wearing a pair of my sweatpants, and although she’s rolled them up her stomach, they’re still skimming the ground.
Fuck. Seeing her in my clothes is a fucking turn-on.
Would I be yelled at and blacklisted from the next Christmas family gathering if I kicked everyone out so I could fuck her against the door?
I’d probably take that risk.
However, my master plan is put to a halt when I realize Anastasia’s attention isn’t on me.
She’s focused on something Elsa is showing her on her phone and smiling. It’s soft, demure, and appears genuinely happy.
“So that’s your son?” she asks in that delicate voice of hers.
“Yeah, his name is Eli.”
“He…doesn’t look anything like you.”
“I know.” Elsa furrows her brow, appearing dejected. “He’s taking after his father and grandfather, but I’m holding on to a slight bit of hope that his personality will at least resemble mine.”
“Don’t hold out too much hope, princess.” Dad interferes with his usual warmth, as if we weren’t having a heavy as fuck conversation just now. “He’s becoming a King more and more.”
“Dad! You’re supposed to be on my side. Don’t you want your grandkid to take after you?”
“Well, I still have Remi and the dozen children Knox said he’s planning to have.”
Anastasia’s eyes widen and her cheeks flush a deep shade of red while Elsa grins.
“I never said that.” I try to be calm but fail.
“Really, now? I’m pretty sure I heard you say before how comfortable you feel around—” I place a hand to his mouth, cutting him off mid-sentence, and shake my head.
His eyes shine and Teal steps between us, staring us down, which is comical at best because we’re tall and she’s so small that it takes effort on her part. “What are you two hiding? Let me in.”
“Nothing you need to worry about, T. And you might need to stop craning your neck before you sprain it. I don’t want Ron on my case.”
“Screw you.” She elbows my side.
“Oh, you’re fucked, T.” I release Dad to grab her ticklish spot. She starts snorting and begging me to stop, but I don’t.
It’s how I used to cheer her up when she was down, which was most of the time, before she met her husband.
I catch Elsa telling Anastasia, “I’m the grown-up in all of this. Excuse the children’s behavior.”
“You’re on, Ellie,” I say, then Teal and I bring her into the midst of us. Even though she tries to fight it, she’s helpless when we both attack her ticklish side.
“I’m sorry, Jane,” Dad tells her with a smile. “My children aren’t usually this immature.”
She shakes her head, grinning, though her mannerisms are still reserved. “You have a beautiful family, Mr. Steel.”
“Ethan is fine. After all, you’re part of us now.”
I expect Anastasia to be shy, maybe shocked, but her smile drops and she looks absolutely horrified.
As if a ghost from her past has appeared in front of her.
30
ANASTASIA
When Kirill said Aleksander would keep an eye on me, I didn’t think it would be close.
As in, across from the firm close. As in, he’s in his car, watching me like a hawk while I walk through the front entrance with coffee.
Usually, Gwen gets the coffee, or Chris. Anyone but me basically, since I try to keep human contact as minimum as possible.
But today, both of them were busy and I had to go. I had to cross the distance to the coffee shop and pretend that I wasn’t being shadowed by a scary man in a black suit.
It’s been like this for a week. Ever since I was ambushed in my apartment by Kirill and Adrian and told that I had a role to play.
That no matter what I do, I’ll never stop being the Bratva’s princess.
As promised, Adrian must’ve not told my father, or he would’ve sent his guards to fetch me.
Kirill kept his word about not leaving me unsupervised, which is why his right-hand man, Aleksander, has been following me around discretely. To people on the outside, it wouldn’t be noticeable since he changes car models, plates, and even the color of his clothes.
He’s a professional, after all.
Though this is a rare occasion where he’s not acting like Kirill’s shadow.
And because I’m attuned to him and to the danger he represents, I spotted him the first time Knox and I left his penthouse together.
I had to distract him from looking at the rearview mirror so he wouldn’t realize we were being followed. The last thing I want is for him to clash with the other men from my life.
Especially after I met his family, a welcoming one with their distinctive sense of humor and mannerisms.
That night, they stayed over. We had dinner together and played board games. Ethan and Elsa told me all sorts of stories about Knox’s teenage years and how competitive he was—still is. I listened with keen interest to every detail, every piece of information about a version of Knox I’ve never met.
No clue why I held on to every word, but it felt vital in a way. Like a memento I needed to keep close.
Or maybe I just care about Knox more than I want to admit.
Teal wasn’t much of a willing participant in telling stories, but I loved the seamless relationship she has with her brother.
The way they understand each other without having to say a word.
Before they left the following morning, she stood there with her hands crossed over her chest and told me point-blank, “You better not hurt my brother.”
That sentence stayed with me the most after their visit.
It’s as if she knew that’s exactly what would happen.
I don’t blame her for disliking me. I actually respect her for looking out for her brother. That’s what family does.
Unlike mine.
My gaze flits to Aleksander’s car. Even though it has tinted windows, I can almost picture him staring back with that cold gaze of his that only ever softens around Kirill.
He must’ve figured out my relationship with Knox, and if Adrian’s threat is any indication, they wouldn’t hesitate to use him against me.
To hurt him because of me.